Best wishes to you.
Back around 1987, I went to a political debate that included a discussion on gay rights. Once of the candidates, who happened to be a teach at a Catholic school, said "No one willingly chooses to belong to a group that is so despised."
I'm actually a middle-aged straight woman, but I've always been sympathetic to gays because I was a really nerdy kid with thick glasses and no social skills. I have some sense of what it's like to feel that you don't fit in anywhere and can't be yourself. Looks like you had a heartbreaking childhood and adolescence. I wish you all the best for your future.