I think ex-gay ministries definitely need to be monitored and that we need to put some real thought into the language we use when responding to them or when doing a media interview alongside ex-gays. Those who promote ex-gay ministries have developed some arguments that, on the surface at least, sound clever.
In many areas of debate (not just GLBT equality) I am continually amazed that certain arguments and soundbites can succeed as highly persuasive rhetoric and yet, at the same time, be either a logical fallacy or a minor truth being substituted for a much larger truth.
Anyhow, trying to view the debate from someone who isn't an ally, but who is wrestling with their understanding of gays, lesbians, and bisexuals, here is some language from Joe's petition that I think is particularly strong -- language that I would recommend an activist use in a Larry King Live type discussion.
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Stop ... claiming you can speak for all gays and lesbians. Your experience as a gay man was filled with poor choices and self-loathing. It is not a reflection of all gays and lesbians or their personal experiences.
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This is so true. Many of the professional ex-gays think ex-gay ministry is good because it did help them. But upon closer examination, what the ministry really helped them with was in making better choices and ending sexual addictions.
In keeping with the Larry King live debate scenario, if I knew that the person promoting the ex-gay ministry had engaged in alot of crazy behavior prior to entering the ex-gay ministry, I would be sure and point that out. Now if such a debate was on Fox News, no doubt their moderator would try and paint the activist as being judgmental and claim that is an attempt to use someone's past, which they had since left behind, to discredit them. Most thinking people, however, would see it as a vital component to understanding whether behavior or orientaion was what was changed.
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Stop engaging in deception by omission. Your message only focuses on the poor choices of some gays and lesbians while ignoring all the well adjusted, healthy people successfully living their lives who happen to be gay or lesbian.
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I still think this is the BIG one. I remember when I first read about "deception by omission" in Jeff Lutes'
A False Focus on My Family. I was like, "Yes, that is exactly what they are doing!"
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Stop claiming that gays and lesbians have a “lifestyle”. Gays and lesbians have many different lifestyles and come from all walks of life. There is no one gay lifestyle and grouping us all together into your mold of destruction is inaccurate as well as insulting.
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Still a good point. The "moveable middle" will understand this, especially as more and more gay people come out to them in their lives.
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Stop generalizing gays and lesbians as (insert bunch of really bad stuff here.)
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Good.
Now on the other hand, I think we want to try and avoid arguments that will allow ex-gays to get away with something like, "Well, all I know, Larry, is what happened to me. I behaved in a homosexual way with other men and now I am happily married to a loving wife. I just can't see why these gay activists would want to prevent people like me, people who struggle daily with unwanted same-sex attraction, from entering into this type of ministry. And what really amazes me is why they would spend so much energy trying to prevent a man who has been married to his wife for fifteen years, and who suddenly confesses he struggles with same-sex attraction, from entering into one of our ministries in order to save his marriage. That baffles me, Larry, because it seems like people have a civil right to be ex-gay."
With that, the ex-gay person has cleverly made it look like gays who want to become heterosexuals are the ones being oppressed by the "gay activists." And, as a result, groups like Focus on the Family are cast in a positive light for providing a way for these folks to exercise their right to change.
Very clever on their part in terms of persuasive rhetoric. Especially since we all like to hear stories of marriages that overcome obstacles and go the distance.
I know Corey (schoolboi) was wanting to organize a Soulforce team to monitor the ex-gay ministries.