I will address (or try) to address the last part of your remarks.
Now on the other hand, I think we want to try and avoid arguments that will allow ex-gays to get away with something like, "Well, all I know, Larry, is what happened to me. I behaved in a homosexual way with other men and now I am happily married to a loving wife. I just can't see why these gay activists would want to prevent people like me, people who struggle daily with unwanted same-sex attraction, from entering into this type of ministry. And what really amazes me is why they would spend so much energy trying to prevent a man who has been married to his wife for fifteen years, and who suddenly confesses he struggles with same-sex attraction, from entering into one of our ministries in order to save his marriage. That baffles me, Larry, because it seems like people have a civil right to be ex-gay."
In my opinion the easiest way to address this argument is "don't". If people have unwanted sexual attractions to the same sex, the last thing they would ever want to join is an ex-gay ministry. As long as those ministries have been brought out into the light for the frauds that they really are. I try to stay away from these arguments by asking the "big question". How do these groups help these people. The websites have little or no "resources" for gays and lesbians seeking change. This is also a good place to point out the science (the truth). If homosexuality is a Pathological condition, then with or without god it should be treatable. There are no secular ex-gay programs. A few that try to claim it, but careful reading of their materials tends to axe that easily.