pnggrad, I think the "audacity to leave" is part of it. I was in therapy myself for about a year before I left. I was able to realize that there were many problems with the marriage, not just my orientation. I discovered that my wife was very controlling, and I compensated for my lack of control by taking control of the only thing I could: my body and what I put into it. Do you know how discouraging it is to be 39yo and sitting in the waiting room of an Eating Disorders clinic? When I left, she outed me and that took about another year of therapy to work through. In her eyes, it's all about my fooling her, and none of the issues were her fault. I think she's got issues with me "influencing" the youngest son, as if I could turn him gay or something. My older children have even said that she doesn't want me around the youngest, while at the same time, telling the older 2 that they should move in with me.