Feeling discouraged right now

[Zerbie]

I hope no one minds if I vent and ask for a little nod of acknowledgement.



Was at the grocery store today - I live in a very right-wing dominant neighborhood and the times I run into people who strongly oppose LGBT equality is when shopping. I wear some equality jewelry and gay pride stuff, basically every day, and at the store, clerks have been known to point me out to one another and whisper. I'm actually kind of used to it now. Then today, the guy bagging my groceries told me he signed the petition to get the anti-gay marriage amendment on the ballot when they circulated it at his church yesterday. I asked if it was important to him to do that, and he said, "No, but it was a church thing, so I signed."

WHY WHY WHY do churches have to engage in organized cruelty? Why Why Why do people jump onto a political agenda they might not know anything about just because someone tells them to? Without finding out about the implications of what they are doing? Without thinking for themselves first?

Are most people that uninterested in thinking about these issues that they will just sign a petition because 'it's a church thing?"

Should I switch grocery stores?

And another thing bothering me is reading reports that the administration is apparently compiling "pink lists" - which leaves me feeling unsettled and unsafe, what with my name and full contact information belonging to most of the national LGBT groups and all the local ones, including the university coalition. Most of the time, I feel optimistic and hopeful about how things are going, but the days come when I feel frightened that we might be facing even more danger than what we've seen here in my lifetime. So I'm feeling insecure.

Oh, here's the site address for where I read about that:
http://365gay.com/newscon05/12/122005sldn.htm

Thanks for listening! Can anyone spare a cyberhug?

Zerbie

[SolInvictus]

First, in regards to the admin. anti-LGBT initiative; I have no idea if it is valid or not.

Prejudice & discrimination is never okay or right. Our equality is a struggle, but we have to go through it in order to win victory.

Churches are supposed to be seperate from state, but w/ the Rel. Right's propaganda & initiatives, they seem to be ignoring it (despite being in the Constitution).

However, some churches (like in the UCC) do participate in liberal activism to counter that of conservative and/or extremist organizations. One such division is the Ministry of Justice of the UCC (see: www.ucc.org/index1 & click on minstries for details).

Don't give up & stay well. You'll in my thoughts & prayers. Below is a quote from Mel White's Stranger at the Gate book that has inspired me in difficult times:

"I want to tell young lesbians about Sappho, the lesbian poet, who lived six centuries before Christ. Our spirits are still lifted by the fragments we have of her lyric Greek verse. I want to tell the young gay man about the enduring love of Alexander the Great for his general Haephaestion, and later for his servant, Bagoas. Next time somebody calls you a 'faggot,' I would like to say, remember Alexander, the most powerful man in antiquity. I want them to remember Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Virginia Woolf & Vita Sackville-West, Tshanhkovsky & Schubert, Gertrude Stein & Alice B. Toklas, Walt Whitman & Herman Melville, Edna St. Vincent Milkey, Oscar Wilde, Amy Lowell, Noel Coward, Katherine Cornell, James Baldwin, Carson McCullers, Henry James, Rosa Bonheur, Jean Genet, Bessie Smith, Christine Jorgensen, and Eleanor Roosevelt"
- Mel White, Stranger at the Gate.

Blessings,

Sol Invictus

[Zerbie]

I've noticed my activism and moods about activism go through optimistic cycles and discouraged/frightened cycles. I'm in the weak cycle now. Thanks for including me in your prayers - it's appreciated a lot!

Called my husband up just now (I'm at home, he's at work) and when he answered, he was in the middle of a conversation with a (gay) friend, chatting about where we would all live if we flee the country. It's a conversation we've had several separate times over the past few years, when we're feeling spooked by the patriot act stuff, the anti-gay witch hunts, etc. It struck me as ironic that DH was having a conversation about these exact same things with one of our friends at the same exact time I was posting here.

I liked your (Mel's) list. I LOVE Edna St Vincent Millay - a friend once told me that she was bi, and that her poems reminded him of me. Have you ever read her poems? Renascence is really great, and she was only something like 17 or 18 when she wrote it.

[SolInvictus]

Yeah, these witch-hunts are scary (I've even considered moving to Canada). However, some progress has made over the past few decades, and I believe it will / must continue. Keep in mind: pro-gay groups are not the only suspected groups monitored by the FBI: current evidence (see www.democracynow.org) suggests anti-war/pro-peace student groups, eco-friendly groups, & even religious groups that oppose the war are/have been monitored by the FBI...

Interesting times...

No, I haven't read his poems (will have to now :-). I have read literature by Walt Whitman & Herbert Melville though, so that was a cool connection. BTW, the famed Lawrence of Arabia was also a gay man of the past. Being a classical fan, it was also great to find out Schubert & Tch. were gay too.

[Zerbie]

Being a classical fan, it was also great to find out Schubert & Tch. were gay too.[/QUOTE]


Well, while we're going there let's add Handel, and my personal fave, Ravel. And Copland, Bernstein, Samuel Barber, Menotti. . .probably lots of others I'm forgetting.

Edna St Vincent Millay was a chick, by the way.

Meanwhile, yes, I was aware that peace groups and such were also on FBI lists. It tends to freak me out every time I hear of another one of these spying things, as if peaceful social justice groups are somehow akin to terrorist cells. How awful! It really scared me to think that the FBI might have my name somewhere because of the groups I belong to, and because I've been at a couple of rallies in the recent past.

Thanks for your responses though. I AM calmer now.

[SolInvictus]

Thanks for the correction & anytime in regards to my responses.

In regards to the FBI name list, it is difficult to say who is on it, but supposedly a petition is underway to reveal what people & groups were monitored under the Freedom of Information Act.

Best wishes & blessings,

Sol Invictus

Peace to You.

[Jamie McDaniel]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

Then today, the guy bagging my groceries told me he signed the petition to get the anti-gay marriage amendment on the ballot when they circulated it at his church yesterday. I asked if it was important to him to do that, and he said, "No, but it was a church thing, so I signed."

Hi Zerbie!

First, since you needed a little encouragement, I thought "Hummmm... what interests Zerbie? Oh yeah, plush bunnies and activism." So here's something to help keep ya' going.



Second, I was wondering about the employee at the grocery. When he said he signed the petition, what was his attitude? Did he project an attitude like, "Yeah, we conservative Christians are protecting marriage." Or was it more like, "Yeah, I signed the petition cause my church sort'a wanted us to."

[Zerbie]

[QUOTE=Jamie McDaniel]Hi Zerbie!

First, since you needed a little encouragement, I thought "Hummmm... what interests Zerbie? Oh yeah, plush bunnies and activism." So here's something to help keep ya' going.

Jamie, you remembered about plush bunnies!!! Omigosh, the Energizer Bunny?!??!! I squealed out loud when I saw that!! Wow!

What can I say? With encouragement like that, I'm definitely staying in for the long haul!!!!





Second, I was wondering about the employee at the grocery. When he said he signed the petition, what was his attitude? Did he project an attitude like, "Yeah, we conservative Christians are protecting marriage." Or was it more like, "Yeah, I signed the petition cause my church sort'a wanted us to."[/QUOT

Okay, to answer your question, this guy strikes me as kinda unintelligent and weird. I've seen him all year, and honestly, he makes me uncomfortable in general - always chatting about weird things (like his teeth), etc. So it made me doubly nervous yesterday. His attitude at the time was along the lines of your second option above, like he just signed the petition because it appeared at church, "it was a church thing" he said. But he's expressed dislike for same-sex relationships before too, so maybe it's really both. Yech!
Funny - there is a cashier working there who gave me a sick-to-the-stomach look when she asked about a button I was wearing and I told her it meant I support same-sex marriage, and she was nervous about touching my groceries after that. !!! But I have no trouble going back and getting in her line again and chatting with her about the weather. But this bag dude makes me very uncomfortable, so I'm thinking I might just switch grocery stores. He seemed to believe I should agree with the petition, so I think he's reading my propaganda all backwards, like he thinks I'm anti-gay, rather than "one 'a them militant homaseckshuls."

My husband said I should have asked what church he was at that circulated the petition, since we live in an 80% Mormon neighborhood, and it's against Mormon church law to circulate political petitions at their churches. He said if it was a Mormon church doing this, he would have complained to the officials in Salt Lake and they would throw all the petitions out.
So now I'm angry at myself for not pursuing a discussion with this grocery bagger, but to be even more open with you than I was yesterday, I started feeling intimidated so I backed down and just got out of the store as fast as I could, without really "going there." I felt too afraid - and that happened a few weeks ago also at the hairdresser, when the subject started to come up and I found out my hairdresser is one of those people who won't watch Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings movies because they have witchcraft in them, and therefore come from Satan. So I really didn't want to go there with gay rights - and then, this thing at the grocery store. I feel like such a pathetic little wimp!

Thanks for all the encouragement, both of you.
And Jamie, all I can say is, with the Energizer Bunny working with us, we're bound to overcome given enough time!

[SolInvictus]

When I came out at my first job (a librarian in a small, conservative town), some co-workers stopped talking to me; afraid to "touch me" as you mentioned; and some mothers wouldn't let their children come near me.
Hence, why I am much more careful now. Unfortunantly, fundamentalists associate homosexuality with pedophilia, which are not related to one another.

Fortunantly, being a teacher now, it is nice to be able to prove my co-workers wrong. One co-worker later apologized whereas the other dislikes me just bec. of my orientation. Its sad & ignorance is such a enemy that has to be fought with education and accepting minorities.

Anyway, keep up the good work & be well.

Happy Holidays!

[Zerbie]

Well I must be sheltered then. As I said, the grocery store is the only place I notice that kind of stuff, in recent years. In the late 90s I came out to a doctor who then promptly told his entire office staff I was molesting children. Unbelievably stupid - and one of his staff was a lesbian who quit her job after that, called me up, and told me, otherwise I would have kept going to that doctor never knowing what he was telling people about me. But since the late 90s I haven't personally run into that stuff anymore, and it must be my environment. As I mentioned, I'm in the arts. When people in my daily life find out I'm into LGBT activism they usually smile and cheer, and often ask me to update them so they can sign petitions and stuff like that.

So is it still THAT unusual to be in an environment like this? It just feels normal to me. I'm really sorry if most lgbt people are STILL facing garbage on a regular basis like what I ran into with that doctor. That's horrible!

[SolInvictus]

Keep in mind, I live in very conservative SE Ohio, the middle of the so-called "Bible Belt." Some places are more tolerant than others, such as where I attend church in a city 30-40 minutes away. Its in the dominant fundamentalist towns where I have encountered problems; not the cities.

Those librarians, I think, are not the norm. Most are nice, liberal/moderate, and encourage diversity. However, it still feels good to prove those former coworkers wrong. Actually, I still talk to the librarians from the area, but not at the branch I previously worked. I worked in one of the small towns I mentioned - the libraries affiliated that are 20-30 minutes away are much nicer & tolerant.