What Bisexuality means to me

[marutidas]

On my other thread 10 Ways to Fight Hate, Zerbie and Wanderer had this to say about when people talk about their sexuality...

Originally Posted by Zerbie

I still often run into stupidities regarding bisexuality. For instance, people who think if a bisexual person has a monogamous partner, then s/he is not bisexual because "she isn't practicing." Like, you're only gay when you f***?

Originally Posted by Wanderer

I've been running around the Web recently, and there's a lot of stupidity out there. Now, stupidity from the likes of Fred Phelps is one thing; apparently, that's par for the course. It's not good, but at least it's not surprising.

What's under my skin is the stupidity that comes from other gay men. How can any gay man rationalize the claim that bisexuals "are really closeted gays." True, a lot of gay men, on their way out of the closet, do use the term "bisexual" as a way of getting used to come out to others as *gay.* But that's no reason to invalidate the entire idea of actually having a bisexual orientation.

I've run into similar remarks about asexuals. ("How is asexuality a sexual orientation at all?" some seem to ask.) Okay, asexuality by definition is a lack of sexual attraction. Fine. But that doesn't mean that it's somehow invalid to use the phrase "sexual orientation" to describe it; it's just an orientation away from all sex, rather than an orientation towards some variety of sex. Big deal. We should still be able to make common cause with asexuals. Another objection is that asexuals don't face the kinds of discrimination that we do. Again: big deal. Asexuals themselves will tell you as much. Just because their goals are different (recognition as asexuals, rather than, say, celibates or closeted gays; and inclusion in education about, and research concerning, the various queer communities) doesn't mean that we can't help them, and they help us.

I know that this is a bit more of a rant than anything else, but is anyone else out there running into this kind of nonsense *within* the gay community?

Wanderer

I invite all our Bi brothers and sisters to weigh in on their sexuality and what it means to them.

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by marutidas

I invite all our Bi brothers and sisters to weigh in on their sexuality and what it means to them.

Kinda nothing. It just is, that's all.

[BrianB]

What bisexuality means to me is sexual attraction to both males and females. It does not necessarily mean having sex concurrently with males and females. I've also been attracted to transgender people. Is there a label for that? Bisexual just seems to be the closest description I can find.

[antiochian]

Oh yes, I've heard my share of anti-bi slander, and mainly by gay men. They seem afraid that were they to get serious with a bi man, he'd run off and leave them in the dust for a woman. I pointed out to one friend that even if such *could* happen, why is it any worse than a gay partner jumping ship to sail with the next guy who catches his fancy (that *does* happen!).

I label myself gay, but have had the occasional opposite-sex attraction. The human spectrum of sexuality is so diverse, and I think it's a matter of accepting that as one of nature's wonders.

One friend of mine believes that everyone is bisexual to some extent; that is a hypothesis I will not touch, because I can't speak for universal human experience. I can certainly see the benefits of bisexuality--much better dating prospects!

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by antiochian

I can certainly see the benefits of bisexuality--much better dating prospects!

This assumption is one of the things that ticks me off. It's completely untrue.

My experience was that dating prospects are far less substantial if you say you're bi, because members of both sexes respond by assuming this means you won't stay interested. Not to mention, after you sift through all the gay people who think you are a straight person playing games, then you have to sift through all the straight people who think you're exotic, before you find someone who responds normally.

[BrianB]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

This assumption is one of the things that ticks me off. It's completely untrue.

My experience was that dating prospects are far less substantial if you say you're bi, because members of both sexes respond by assuming this means you won't stay interested. Not to mention, after you sift through all the gay people who think you are a straight person playing games, then you have to sift through all the straight people who think you're exotic, before you find someone who responds normally.

Amen to that!!! What has happened in my experience is that I end up with another bi' person. Gay people think you're just in a phase. Straight people think you just took a detour on the "wild" side.

[Gennee]

Originally Posted by BrianB

Amen to that!!! What has happened in my experience is that I end up with another bi' person. Gay people think you're just in a phase. Straight people think you just took a detour on the "wild" side.

A phase? How can anybody think that? I'm transgender and it's not a phase, that's for sure. With transgender people, there's the perception that we don't know if we want to be a man or a woman.

Gennee

[Rick336]

Originally Posted by antiochian

One friend of mine believes that everyone is bisexual to some extent.....

I'm not sure this is always the case.

If I'm walking down the street and I see a good looking straight couple, my eyes always land on the man. If I see a beautiful woman driving a hot car, my eyes always land on the car. If I see a man and a woman having sex, my eyes search for the fast-forward button.

Rick

[Alecto]

Originally Posted by BrianB

What bisexuality means to me is sexual attraction to both males and females. It does not necessarily mean having sex concurrently with males and females. I've also been attracted to transgender people. Is there a label for that? Bisexual just seems to be the closest description I can find.

"Pansexual" (or, less commonly, "omnisexual") refers to people who are unlimited by gender in their attractions. They allow for inclusion of transfolks, as well as for the concept that there are more than two ("bi") genders.

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by Alecto

"Pansexual" (or, less commonly, "omnisexual") refers to people who are unlimited by gender in their attractions. They allow for inclusion of transfolks, as well as for the concept that there are more than two ("bi") genders.

Welcome to why I loathe labels. Sorry but Pansexual makes me think of everything from the ancient god, Pan, to being so pan-sexual that one humps everything including mailboxes and parking meters, to frying pans. Omni-sexual doesn't sound much better.

I vastly prefer to avoid labels. At least for me, all they seem to do is induce confusion instead of communication.

[Rick336]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

.....to being so pan-sexual that one humps everything including mailboxes and parking meters, to frying pans.

I've always had a hard time thinking of a good pick-up line for a mailbox. That's why I have an inflatable mailbox in my bedroom.

Rick

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by Rick336

I've always had a hard time thinking of a good pick-up line for a mailbox. That's why I have an inflatable mailbox in my bedroom.

Rick

AAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!