Hello my name is Nicki!

[nickisingle]

Hi all, my name is Nicki...And I am 20 y/o I am from Uzbekistan Tashkent... and in God I trust, I love Jesus, and try always pray...
My mum, know that I am lesbian, till my 17 years. All I want, that we will be happy for me. Now she came from Alma-aty (Kazakhstan closest republic to Uzbekistan)... And I am very happy that she came...

Also I have one moment in my head.... I had relations for Long time , with one girl... She is 32, beaty... she got married but divorced... and she has 2 children (boy 6 and girl 12)... I realy tasted happiest with her... But we finished our relation,few days ago... I loved her, and I think always do... But I can't believe that she will not able to be my... but I would like be with her...
One day she says me, Nicki, I am straight not lesbian, I can't show you my love in public,in hotel (we work in InterContinental Hotel together she is investor in Ministry of Foriegn Economy and I work in Travel Agency) also we says that still afraid be my woman, coz before our relations she was natural...I don't know how explain her, that I don't wanna be with another girl, coz she is God's gift to me... Herself she said that she was unhappy till I appearanced in her life, and I present her the new emotion,open her mind, - but she'd gone from me.. and I can't believe it...
She 's from Islam family, and she think that her fon't understand... But children realy love me and iether I... I am realy confused, and don't know how to be....

[nickisingle]

nobody want help? may be I am boring...and don't know what I must do~!

[BruceChris]

Your introductory post first showed up early on a Saturday morning, and I don't think that very many people have read it, yet.

I am sorry to hear that your friend is afraid to be affectionate in public places. There is a lot of fear in this world. I do not know very much about Uzbekistan at all, but I do know that almost all Moslem leaders do not accept homosexuality in men or women.

In America, the strongest laws against homosexuality were removed only 6 years ago, and yet we still cannot get married in most places. Our new president, president Obama has yet to make major changes in the laws that remain. Please be strong, and do not feel bad about yourself. God loves you.

Your use of our language is not great, but it is very easy to understand. Talk to us.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[Gennee]

Hi Nicki and welcome to Soulforce. I'm sorry about the breakup. Seems that you had a good relationship. I know that you miss the children but maybe it's best you move on. Ask God to give you guidance about this matter.

Gennee

[kara speltz]

Originally Posted by nickisingle

Hi all, my name is Nicki...And I am 20 y/o I am from Uzbekistan Tashkent... and in God I trust, I love Jesus, and try always pray...


I LOVE THEM. AND feel lonely without Lola....and her children!

Dear Nicki: Welcome to Soulforce. Transitions can be so difficult, but at the same time they can lead to all sorts of new possibilities, we never can imagine.

Years ago, when I broke up with Carol, it felt like my life was over. I sold my house and left Boston to move out to California. Now I can look back and see that this was an important transition point for me. Trust that God will walk with you through all of this.

Hang in there.

Kara

[Jennifer5]

Welcome Nicki! The forums are not very active on Saturday.

I am very sorry to hear that you broke up with your girlfriend. I know that it is hard to imagine right now, but it will get easier. May I ask why you broke up? Have you talked to her since then the break up?

Give it some time, but listen to your heart.

I'm 18 and I have not been fortunate enough to experience that kind of loving relationship yet.

[nickisingle]

Thanks all for help.......
Why we broke up with Lola? ...I even cannot understand now, may be she cooled down to me, which day I do not hear it, she doesn't call and not send me the message... what I must add else here..., she was sraight and when I has appeared in her life... She really loved me. But it was hard for me,that I not could touch her,hug her.....on public.
She still doesn't call me... And.... I think it's over.........


THANKS: Kara, Jennifer5, Gennee, and thanks much Bruce Chris

[Jennifer5]

Tell us more about you. Do you have hobbies? Do you have a job? I don't think any of us know anything about Uzbekistan Tashkent, do you enjoy living there?

[tymejumper]

Welcome Nicki! I am sorry that you and your girlfriend brokeup. You have come to the right place, we are a very supportive family here.

It is hard to be lesbian, and especially if you are Muslim. It is my understanding that it is considered a terrible thing to be gay when you are Muslim. She has probably not been able to get over her fear and accept herself. It is nothing you have done. It is very difficult to accept being gay and finding peace with your religion. Also, you did nothing to 'make' her a lesbian. There is no reason to think that you have made her not normal, like you said in your posts. It sounds like she may have been curious about being a lesbian and found out that it was not what she wanted, or she is just not ready to admit she is one yet. Everyones journey is different and takes a different path.

Even here in America there are people afraid of being gay and showing their affection to each other. My wife was beaten very badly for being lesbian before and now she is frightened to show affection in public to me. However, we are working on that and she is getting more comfortable. Please stay around and continue to post, so we can get to know you!