Bi-sexuality, revisited

[BruceChris]

It is my proposition that many people who call themselves bi-sexual do so because they are learning that they have a different kind of sexuality, they haven't yet figured out what it is, but they want to make a statement about it.

A link to the post from 3 years ago, "Your thoughts/musings/questions on bisexuality", started by Zerbie: -- (Now correct address)

Hey, ya gotta check out this post. It's got some great reading, a lot of vintage Zerbie, and one of Poetic's very first posts.

http://www.soulforce.org/forums/arch...php/t-741.html

It went on for 3 pages, and contained a lot of people's observations. It makes interesting reading, all by itself.

There was a time in my life when I was hanging out with a bisexuality group called BECAUSE. The acronym, and other information can be found here:

http://upcoming.yahoo.com/event/1457233/

It was my impression that the people that I was meeting had all different kinds of sexualities. They seemed to be from almost anywhere on the human sexuality map. Or as they put it:

The BECAUSE Conference is the premier weekend for bisexuals, queers, questioning, and all others who are neither one thing nor the other.

I notice that one of our members who joined Soulforce at about that time, who was looking for a way to break it to his parents that he was bisexual, is now trying to come to terms with being a MtF transsexual.

So I believe that the proper response to someone who says that they are bi is not "Oh, you must be either gay or straight, you can't be both". but to have an understanding that this person is in the process of finding out just what they are.

Or,it is not so much that our sexualities that are determined before birth, but the path that our sexualities will take, that was predetermined.
Thoughts?

Namaste', Bruce Chris

[Poetic Awakening]

Ha, great thread. Brings back some old memories! And it looks as though I had it all a little more together than as of late.

I would say with my experiences in the past three years, that bisexuality is more or less a fluidity for me. Some days I am attracted to women, some days not. But on the off days, I can't say I am raging with male fantasies, either. That is to say, sometimes it's both, sometimes it's one, and sometimes it's neither. But I chalk those last sometimes to just a bad day.

However, as I am the one you're talking about being originally someone who thought my orientation was bi, and then later realized a lot of what I was feeling wasn't JUST orientation, I can see where the water gets a little muddy. I am definitely more confused now than I was then, three years ago, but when it comes to Bisexuality, I can safely say in my case, that it doesn't make the married life all too easy when you have a wife who feels insecure about the fact of my liking boys. She knew before we went on our first date, but I think we both might have wished it to be a phase. So we fell in love and married, and I don't think I ever lost male attraction. It came, it went, but I just put it with my attraction to females... as in I felt it, but that doesn't mean I have to act on it. I am satisfied in being married to someone I love.

Well, I did ignore it for a spell, but throw in the military for the cause of that. And the drama of being injured and discharged for it, transitioning from an active, working, contributing member of a relationship to the "house-wife", if you will, and my recent admission of being a transsexual, and we have a very confused bisexual in a marriage with a wonderful woman, but who is straight and sees no future with a transitioning mtf transperson.

So I guess my case is different than most, but I figure I'd spill my thoughts on the topic just to keep this going. It really is interesting to hear other people's thoughts.

[BenL]

Setting gender identity and/or expression aside and limiting my response to sexual orientation ...

In my experience, people who self-identify as bisexual fall into three major categories. Of course, there are myriad variations within and between each. Human sexuality is a wondrously varied thing.

1. Transitional bisexuals. People who accepted a label for themselves publicly but who privately have become dissatisfied with it as describing them accurately. This group especially contains people who find it difficult to ID as gay or lesbian exclusively. Sometimes that's because of religious or social background. Sometimes it is in recognition of a loving relationship, even a marriage, that the person wants to honor.

2. Either/or bisexuals. These people find themselves equally attracted to men or women, but for them it is not so much the body as the entire package, including personality and soulfullness, that is attractive. These bisexuals include a large contingent who are happy living with a single person of no matter what sex.

3. Both/and bisexuals. These people find life a little more difficult because they are attracted to both men and women, and neither one alone can satisfy them. Some engage in serial monogamous relationships, going from men to women as people come into their lives. Others have multiple lovers simultaneously, some in polygamous relationships, some on the sly. Others are part of polyamorous love circles that include both men and women.

As I said, there are multiple variations of these three groups, and many bisexuals fall between them in some way. I think bisexuality is the least understood communities under the LGBT umbrella. They operate under a prejudice held by both straight and gay people that says that you can't have both but that you must choose one or the other attraction.

In the interest of full disclosure, I consider myself a gay man married to a transman.

[Gennee]

One comment that disturbs me is when bisexuals are told they can't be attracted to both sexes. Right then they are being pigeoned-holed. Gender is fluid and so is sexuality. Each person has different attractions.

Gennee

[ByeBye]

I just told my mom about my bisexuality. She is fine with it. I love that she can be so open minded and non-judgemental. I knew she wouldn't outright reject me but I didn't want her to find me disgusting. Of course, that would be her problem if she did. I feel good about it so I know it's a step in the right direction.

As far as my bisexuality, I have felt that way since about as long as I can remember. But, if I had to choose between a gorgeous guy and a gorgeous woman, I'd pick the guy. If I had to choose between an ordinary guy, and a gorgeous woman, I'd probably choose the woman. Also, I'm attracted to most things considered "wrong". I have all kinds of fantasies but some things I would never do in real life either because they are just too gross for me personally or they are against the law.

Sometimes I wonder if I could go through with an actual encounter with another woman. Not to offend anyone, but I don't like the way women naturally smell down there. But if a hot woman was coming on to me, I might be turned on enough that the smell wouldn't matter.

I just wanted to add, "What is normal? There is obviously no such thing. Everyone has their eccentricities or whatever you would like to call them."

[BruceChris]

It's called a hot shower, with soap, and a washcloth. Would you go out on a first date with someone you were attracted to, if you hadn't had a shower, for too long? Let's hope they wouldn't either.

And you are at a learning age. Learn what you can.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[tymejumper]

Originally Posted by ByeBye

Sometimes I wonder if I could go through with an actual encounter with another woman. Not to offend anyone, but I don't like the way women naturally smell down there. But if a hot woman was coming on to me, I might be turned on enough that the smell wouldn't matter.

I know of many lesbian identified women whom do not like oral sex, they think it is gross to do. So, that is not as unusual as you may think. I also know of lesbians whom have sworn off toys of any sorts. Having boundries does not mean you can't be a sensitive and thoughtful lover.