Who's the man??

[Mia14]

I've had many people ask me "Who's the man" in my relationship. We usually answer that, as we are lesbians, there IS NO MAN in the relationship , but I understand what they are alluding to - gender roles in relationships.

I pose the same question to you:
"Who's the man in your relationship?"

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I like to think that we're in a relationship of equals where both of us play both parts, but it's not real.

Truly, we switch roles based on our own personal preferences for the situation. For example, when it comes to giving gifts, I like to be the romantic and buy flowers, candy, and other such things. Conversely, my gf hardly ever wears make-up, doesn't own a single dress or skirt, and usually dresses more masculine.

[keltic63]

I was thinking about that concept yesterday. The relationship isn't like that. the various jobs don't fall along gender lines, so there is more equality in the relationship. If a person were given bits of info about our relationship, they might assume something that isn't quite true:

I am a good cook and I like to cook, so I do most of the cooking.
Scott does a lot of the heavy duty moving, lifting, etc. he just tore down a chicken coop on his parents' property.

from that, one might figure I'm the "woman" and he's the "man." That's not quite true though, because Scott is a much better housekeeper than I am, and I have a much higher income. So with those bits of info, you could totally reverse the idea of who fills which role.

It seems that a better way to think of it is to get rid of the notion of traditional gender roles. We're certainly not fulfilling our gender roles in the traditional hetero way, so no need to assume them in our relationships. We share the household chores; and we work to our strengths. As far as the bedroom is concerned, it's no one's business and I will certainly let people know that in a clear way, if I'm ever asked. Besides, there are so many fun ways to pleasure each other, intercourse itself becomes one of the choices that may or may not happen. (at least it works that way for us!) sorry if that's tmi

[Zerbie]

Oh my word! Mia! You crack me up!

Seriously tho, I have always liked to be the aggressive one in relationships. Is that "male???" I like to pursue someone about a thousand times better than I like being pursued. Or maybe that's just because most of the people who pursued me were folk I wasn't interested in? Whereas if I met someone I wanted, I just went for it.

When I dated girls, I almost always went for girls even more femme than I am (and I come across as really, really girly). As to dating boys, I had an argument with a male date once about who got to "protect" the other by taking the trafficky side of the sidewalk!

In my marriage, I totally enjoy sparring with my husband over the role of "Alpha Male." It completely cracks him up that I even try. Of course, biology has me at a major disadvantage. But that doesn't stop me, at 5'7" and 130 pounds, from attempting to wrestle my 6' tall, 205 pound husband. I consistently lose, but hey, I'm not about to complain when a cutie pins me down.

So, er, fun question. Even if it *does* open a worm can of gender stereotypes.

[sbonser04]

ME, Guilty........LOL

I am definately the more dominant one in a relationship.....i like to be in control, i like to be the one paying, driving, holding the girl while we sleep, just stuff like that....

its weird but thats just how i am, right mia?

[Rick336]

In the relationships that I've had there's never been one of us that's more dominate. It's always just been a couple of guys that enjoy each other's company. I've been in love a few times. It's great.

There's nothing more fun than being with a buddy and throwing a couple of sleeping bags in the back of the truck and heading up to the Blue Ridge Mountains to camp out in the woods.

Just me and him sitting by a big campfire with a couple of cold beers looking up at the stars and talking about stuff.

That's the good life.

Rick

[awediot]

Originally Posted by Ricky

There's nothing more fun than being with a buddy and throwing a couple of sleeping bags in the back of the truck and heading up to the Blue Ridge Mountains to camp out in the woods.

Ohh stop Rick, you describe my fave weekend, but a 'couple' sleeping bags? There's your problem right there (and no, I live in Colorado, so its not just BBmountain fever) Make it the Rockies and ya got a deal

Anyhoo, I don't have the hips, and aprons just hang off me, so obviously I look for a high maintenance woMAN to do my cookin' and cleanin'. Finding one thats masculine at the same time is a bit of a ...bear. Ahhh. I crack myself up. (what, no furry smileys?)

But seriously, roles are an odd thing. I am pretty masculine (?) and like the same, and typical roles mean little. Chores are shared and skills/likes, all even out...

Now to throw a spanner in the works, gay men tend to fall into more specific roles in their more private moments. Let "pitcher" and "catcher" suffice to paint that picture. One usually prefers one over the other, butt (there i go again ) both are usually (better be) willing to be flexible (ha hahaha), in more ways than one... But...Thats a little (speak for yourself) different topic...

Question: Do women's "roles" extend into the bedroom and become more distinct as men's usually do? No, seriously... Shut up

Shhheesh. I give up... what were we talking about? Bet this didn't help...

[Rick336]

Awediot,

I used to do the one sleeping bag thing when I was younger. It was fun then.

But now? Nope! I need my own bag. I can't sleep with somebody snoring in my ear. Besides...I'm not a morning person. If he starts getting frisky before I've had my coffee.....it aint gonna happen!!.

Coffee first....then.....well.....I want more coffee!

But....at night?.....after a few Budwisers?....!!!

Rick