Hello! My name is Snuffy.

[Snuffy]

Now I'm sure all of you have guessed that Snuffy is not my real name. I am using this alias, mostly because I am, in general, a neurotic, paranoid person. I am recently coming to grips with the possibility of myself being lesbian or bisexual. I'm not sure yet. I'm not sure if I'm even a technical lesbian or bisexual! I'm one of the seemingly few who had a 'choice' in liking girls. I am in high school and the reason I am unsure is because I do not really love girls for their bodies, I actually prefer boy's bodies. The reason I like them is because of their personalities mostly. And the reason I have a 'choice' is because I seem to shy away from boys more nowadays because of some bad experiences with them. One time, this guy I didn't even know grabbed my upper leg, and I squeaked in shock, and with satisfaction on his face, he mockingly said, "Oops sorry, I didn't mean to make you squeak. I thought you were someone else." And also, I was completely crushed by this seemingly sweet, but really two-faced, absorb-the-personality-of-everyone-around-him guy. Which was really unfortunate as he hung out with some very mean people and did nothing to stop their mockery. I got sent down into a bit of a depression, or maybe just heartbreak as I thought that even a wonderful 'Christian' couldn't love me. Since then, I have had many terrible dreams. And I know obviously, not all men are like that, and only a tiny fraction are, I just can't bring my mind away from those instances. And this girl I've known for a while now just seems good for me, she calms me down, slaps sense into me, and is genuine. And that is, probably, more than you ever wanted to know about me.

[ursus]

Hi Snuffy, it's nice to meet you.

You remind me a lot of what I was like in high school. I didn't consider the possibility of being a lesbian, but I certainly felt safer with women and had an aversion to men. High school boys, of course, are a indicator.

Honestly, you're still very young and have so much living and experiencing to do. I wouldn't recommend pigeon-holing yourself quite yet. Be open to positive relationships, regardless of the gender of the person. You may find you are bi, or lesbian, or straight, but you don't need to set it in stone.

I consider myself a lesbian because I'm in love with a woman, with whom I have a committed relationship. This does not mean that I don't find some men attractive. I think it's a mistake to to think of sexual orientation as being solely about sexual activity. If it was only about sex, it would be as easy to change your orientation as it is to pick a new fantasy. For me at least, it has been about my emotional connection to an individual, the safety I feel with them, the natural inclination I feel to pursue deeper levels of intimacy. I always feel this with women.

So try to be lenient with yourself. Take your time. Explore your feelings. You're way too young to rush things. Your brain doesn't finish growing until you're 25, and you will change a lot between the ages of 18 and 25. Give yourself the freedom to test your feelings and get to know people.

Above all, be safe, and take care of you.

[Snuffy]

Thank you very much. It is very nice to meet you too, Ursus. That is some very good advice, and maybe you are right. Chances are, I will change, probably a lot. Maybe what has been bothering me the most is classifying it specifically, as some of the people who I am out to don't consider me a lesbian or bisexual because I am attracted to men, though I prefer the personality traits of girls. I should probably just let it be. Which is hard for me, because I'm neurotic and over-think every aspect of life.

[ursus]

Honestly, these people you're talking to clearly don't understand. Sexuality can't be neatly boxed up into one of three boxes, "Straight" "Gay" and "Bi." They're neglecting all the complexities that make it so confusing for a person who doesn't fit into a category. Some days, for example, I wonder if I maybe identify as a straight male (Not an entirely uncommon phenomenon). Men who find out I'm with a woman like to say "hey that's cool, I'm a lesbian too" and in so doing trivialize all the men who really do identify as lesbians. People seem to neglect that there's a whole spectrum out there, and there's all kinds of funky hormonal stuff going on too. ESPECIALLY when you're at precisely the age you're at. Tell those people you don't know what you are, so how could they? If you pay attention to your own thoughts and feelings, you'll figure it out.

[Gennee]

Hi Snuffy and welcome to Soulforce. I haven't been in high school in over forty years ago but the attiudes and peer pressures were the same. In time you will sort things out.

Gennee

[Unmasked]

Sexuality is a very complex and strange part of human life. Don't be too quick to label yourself, because for those of us inbetween especially, sexuality and gender can be pretty fluid. I remember back in my younger days I took the bisexual label because it was the easiest and it fit right into that lovely little acronym we use to refer to all of us lovely and fabulous people. I still haven't settled on a good term for my gender identity. Trans, though very umbrella is too connected to op-status. Twospirit or bigender is what I tend to use, though sometimes I feel it's inappropriate for me to use the first term, because even though I identify with my native heritage, I don't have tribal status because it's been bred out pretty well and the mixing came at a point in history where it was considered shameful to be of mixed race, so some of the birth documents of my grandmother's grandparents were doctored to hide the evidence.

Sorry, when I get started it's hard to stop. These days I tend to just tell people I'm queer. It's nice and easy, and doesn't require me to try stuffing my sexuality into a box, or worry about how I'm identifying. I remember freaking out because I thought I might be straight. That was a fun week.

I can totally identify with you on freaking out about things I don't need to freak out about, and even how you feel about people right now. I always found girls more sexually attractive, but I have a very girlish personality and form very affectionate bonds with boys...and I just snapped myself back into high school and trying to figure out who the heck I am.

This could be fun. Glad to meet you, hang around a while mmmkay?