4 times! Really?

[pnggrad79]

Wife left me AGAIN!!!!This makes 4 times and I am as always left reeling with grief, dismay, anger, questions and I have people left and right giving me all sorts of advice. I can't eat and I can't sleep.

This time it is over money and nothing that couldn't be resolved, she is just under a lot of stress with her new business, but why is it always me that gets the boot when it gets hot in the kitchen?

My heart can't take this much longer. I am devastated as I have been the 3 previous times and my head tells me to get the hell away from her and that she is toxic, but my heart longs to be in bed with her snuggled up warm and close, and to smell her hair and hold her soft body next to me.

Was it all a delusion? Did I want it so bad that I made up a dream to justify it? Is this all her way of dealing with stress? Is a control tactic to get what she wants?

I need some advice and wise counsel. Oops, she did it again. And I am left with a broken mess to clean up and I don't know where to go or what to do with all that I am feeling... HELP ME!!!

[scott snedeker]

Originally Posted by pnggrad79

Wife left me AGAIN!!!!This makes 4 times and I am as always left reeling with grief, dismay, anger, questions and I have people left and right giving me all sorts of advice. I can't eat and I can't sleep.

This time it is over money and nothing that couldn't be resolved, she is just under a lot of stress with her new business, but why is it always me that gets the boot when it gets hot in the kitchen?

My heart can't take this much longer. I am devastated as I have been the 3 previous times and my head tells me to get the hell away from her and that she is toxic, but my heart longs to be in bed with her snuggled up warm and close, and to smell her hair and hold her soft body next to me.

Was it all a delusion? Did I want it so bad that I made up a dream to justify it? Is this all her way of dealing with stress? Is a control tactic to get what she wants?

I need some advice and wise counsel. Oops, she did it again. And I am left with a broken mess to clean up and I don't know where to go or what to do with all that I am feeling... HELP ME!!!

I'll bet Her problem is that instead of encountering a fear, focussing on that fear analyzing it wrapping her head around it, diffusing it and then acting reasonably.... she short circuits.

It looks like Her sense of inadequacy is activated by someone so she runs away from you.... so that you will run after her to "prove" that you are still her rescuer.

By doing so you counter the crisis with a strong action which opposes the inadequacy that someone else has activated within her. She gets back to a balance ....and you are a wreck.

I strongly suspect that Your problem is that your fear of the loss of your dream and her and being a failure as a lesbian, and her suffering, and that she might kill herself....... drives you to suck up her shitty emotional manipulative head games and play the part. This feels like the lesser of two evils

Can you tell that I have been there?

I tried several remedies. The first was that I could no longer be with my boyfriend. He was too adept at playing me for me to find a way to get my head out of his ass.

Then came the agnst, the sense of failure, the guilt that was as thick in the air around me as a cloud of poison gas.

Gin was my first sanctuary, then whoring, finally I started Reiki meditation and Mindful awareness meditation...and of course a good therapist.

She needs years of work with a therapist. So do you....... and so did I.

Only after years of dedication to making herself well will she have a chance to not short circuit. Only after years of the same will you not sacrifice your serenity to rescue her. The kick in the ass is, the more you rescue her, the more reward she gets, the more she will do it, the more misery you will endure.

You cannot fix her.....and every time you try , you make her problem worse. That's just one of the painfully ironic frustrations when attempting to share intimacy with someone who is driven by the fear of their own inadequacy.

Whether you two stay together or not, get professional, intensive, long-term counselling. Slowly change the fear-driven short-circuit to action and drama..... to compassion and awareness of self while in the hands of someone trustworthy.


Good luck sweetie!

[Pablo Rafael]

I have no advice or inspiring thoughts, but am thinking about you and praying that things will improve.

[pnggrad79]

As if her leaving wasn't enough to shatter me, just today, she cut my phone off and is threatening to not help me pay for the mortgages that are in both our names. She knows the two fears that terrify me the most are (1) her leaving and(2) withdrawing monetary support. And she does it to be vicious and mean.

Why when one says they "love and adore" you, do they turn around and act so vicious, cruel and mean? I don't get it! I tried, I really tried begging, pleading, anything and everything to get her to change her mind.

We have known each other for 22 years and spent the last 12 together. How can she do this to me? She can be a hardass, pushing those two buttons on me cause she knows it hurts me like hell. What did I ever do to deserve this? I know I am not innocent in this and I have my shortcomings and faults, but at least I want to work this out and I don't run away. What makes a person do this? I slept with this woman, loved this woman, sacrificed my family's approval for her, bailed her out of one situation after another. Was I not enough of a hardass? Was I too easy? Does she have me over a barrel?

[scott snedeker]

Originally Posted by pnggrad79

Was I not enough of a hardass? Was I too easy? Does she have me over a barrel?

Ans.

1.) YES



2.) YES


3.) YES

Get a lawyer, end it, and grow. It is time to play hardball and kick the shit out of her. Make yourself a total nasty bitch in her life history.

Sorry sweetie, but it is over. salvage what you can for your self and move on.

After 22 years, it is too late. She doesn't love you enough to care whether or not she hurts you. You were her emotional toilet paper. Now she found something else. Sweep away the broken teeth that fell out when she kicked you in the face and go on. Get drunk. Get laid. Party hard.

Been there, Done this, learned my lesson, can't spare the time for more bovine scat piles, not enough years left.

[pnggrad79]

She just finds new ways to make me angry and hurt me more. Now she says she doubts she is even a lesbian. OMG! After 22 years of being in love with a woman and sleeping with a woman for 12 of those years, and she has the nerve to say that? What the hell?

I asked God to show me with clarity what He wants me to do and where to go and today He showed me what kind of person she really is and I knew she could be mean as a snake, but she reached a new low today. I am done. Enough of her drama! Begone you lowlife bitch!