Hello, my name is nicola

[Griffin]

First off, this site is AMAZING. I have never found something so exact in what I was looking for.

I should start off by telling you a bit about myself. I am a 28 year old woman living in New Zealand, closet bisexual (possibly lesbian but I don't know yet). I am a Christian also. All my Christian life (I became one when I was 17) I was told to believe that homosexuality in any form was a huge sin and that they get a one way ride to hell, no exceptions. I was sure that what I was experiencing was wrong, and that I had an obligation to either pray it away, or to remain celibate the rest of my life. This seemed very unfair to me as I did try to pray it away and even resorted to asking God to take it and lay it at the cross if it was not from him. I couldn’t understand why God would create someone to spend the rest of their lives alone unwillingly, that seems illogical. And guess what, I was still bisexual afterwards, and didn't feel an inch different to how I was before. I heard a lot of cruel things said about people who are gay, including genocide. This never sat well with me as I like to use what God gave me - a brain.

At this point I should also mention that I am autistic as well. So forming a relationship with ANYONE is difficult enough, but to then be told that these feelings I had for other women were tantamount to an eternal barbeque, I was not only sad, I was positively terrified. I am still terrified, I don't want to go to hell, I don't want God to be angry with me, and I surely don't want to have this all wrong, (funny how a decade of indoctrination on a subject can still leave its stinger in after the fact) and really have God out on the warpath. The verses that were explained here is a totally new concept to me, but since I crave logic and reason, I did a full time week long exhaustive research into the subject. I read articles from liberals, conservatives, fundamentalists. I sought help from people familiar with ancient Greek and Hebrew. And I found such people!!

This has led me to only one conclusion. The church has got it wrong, being gay IS ok, and that the terror and pain that people have been feeling is a result of hate and bigotry, but it has been Satan ordained.

I have never signed up to an internet forum before, but I simply couldn’t let this one go.

Thank you for taking the time to listen,

Griffin.

[kauai54]

Nice to meet you. My name is Crystal and I know what you mean. I have liked women since I was young but I have always swept that part of myself under the rug. I cannot see how God can send a group of people to hell for something that they have no control over. I would like to think that God is more compassionate than that.

[Griffin]

Nice to meet you too. You mentioned that you have liked women since you were young, I have often wondered if I did, but since I have problems identifying feelings I really don't have a clue. I think I'm attracted to men as well, as I can look at a guy and think he is hot, but then again cant lesbians do that as well?

One thing is for certain, I feel much better knowing that I'm not hellbound for these feelings I have for other women.

[josey]

Nice to meet you. I grew up as, well, not in a Christian household since no one made us go to church. I became a Baptist when I was 17 or so. Then at 21 I became a Jehovah's Witness. The good that they did for me was to prove to me that there was no burning hell. I even found an old King James Bible at a library and read in the margins that "sheol" and "hades" meant the "common grave." I even looked up the words in Strong's Exhaustive Concordance. Later on, I lived in Berkeley, CA and went up to what they call "Holy Hill" to talk to a minister at one of the seminaries. He agreed with me that there was no hell and then added that you can't tell that to your members in church because they won't accept it. I would think it would be liberating. I often think, when listening to some Christians, which I try not to do, that they just really want people to be punished.

At least the the Jehovah's Witnesses did that much for me. But being indoctrinated makes it hard for you to see things differently, and it takes a lot of research to change ones views. When they kicked me out I still believed that they were the only true religion. It took years to overcome these beliefs. But it is easier now-a-days when you have so many resources at your fingertips.

[Victoria]

Originally Posted by Griffin

This has led me to only one conclusion. The church has got it wrong, being gay IS ok, and that the terror and pain that people have been feeling is a result of hate and bigotry, but it has been Satan ordained.

I agree with the sentiment, although see things differently that you've worded... Fear is the source of hate and bigotry. Rage and Hate driven anger, is an outward expression of such fear, a need to ~control~ what one fears, rather than co-exist with it...

But I've noticed more and more churches are seeming to begin to wake up to that idea, even the Roman Catholic church, the old lumbering giant, has made some slow steps in that direction...

Lets hope that we can all keep working together to keep things moving that way =D

[BruceChris]

I look at these things as Prejudices Re Conditions of Birth. We are all born with gender, skin color or "race," and sexual orientation. (And some other stuff.) Prejudice re race and gender are being reduced by various organizations, and prejudice re S.O. likewise, only we got a later start.

If we are born gay (LGBT), it is because God made us that way. A Very Literal take on the bible would tell us that God made us that way, so that emotionally insecure str8 people could feel better about themselves by telling us just how BAD we are. If you believe that God loves us, that sort of thinking gets thrown out with the dish water.

Other than that, I have Asperger's Syndrome, communicating online is soooo much easier, and God loves you, no matter what.

BruceChris

[Griffin]

Aspergers is what I have as well, so YES I agree online is easier. I have done a lot of reading since into the whole "issue" and have come to a very conclusive answer. Yes its ok to be gay, and yes I feel much better about it.

Thanks for listening, it makes it sooooo much easier to come to grips with.

[Gennee]

Welcome to Soulforce, Nicola. I loved reading your story. God loves as we are. You're right when you say that the church has it wrong. I'm happy that you joined.

Gennee