Bestfriends Attitude

[angeleyes]

I HAVE JUST TOLD MY BESTFRIEND OF 20 YEARS THAT I AM BI SEXUAL AND SHE TOTALLY FREAKED ON ME.SHE DOESN'T CALL,I TEXT HER,SHE DOESN'T RESPOND.IT WAS BAD ENOUGH WHEN SHE PUT ME DOWN FOR HAVING MORMON FAITH.I DON'T UNDERSTAND HER ATTITUDE.I DON'T PUT HER DOWN AND SHE IS VERY PREMISCUIOUS,SLEEPS WITH GUYS SHE MEETS ONLINE.HOW DO I GET HER TO UNDERSTAND WITHOUT JUDGING ME.IF ANYONE SHOULD BE UPSET,IT WOULD BE MY HUBBY OF 8 YEARS,BUT HE IS VERY UNDERSTANDING.......

[Mia14]

I'm so sorry about your friend. I had a similar experience losing a friend because I'm a gay woman.

It's hurtful to have someone so close react so drastically. I know it's hard to lose a friend over something you can't control, but at least you can know that you've probably had an impact on her life. I'm sure she's had some thinking to do about her own views since you last spoke. Who knows? Give her time to sort through things. Maybe she'll realize what a good friend she lost.

In the mean time, don't wait around for her. I promise there will be new friends - you being here is the start. There will be new friends and I know you'll find some who don't care nearly as much (or maybe even friends on this message board who will embrace you for our shared minority status ).

[zimnah]

I lost one of my closest friends from high school when I told her. Like you, my husband is wonderfully supportive. I think my husband takes it a bit like he's the only man I would ever be attracted to, and he'd be right on that score. But my friend is relatively conservative. I miss her a lot, but Mia is right: I have made a lot of new friends, and you will, too. While it was nice knowing someone who "knew you back when," its even better having poeple who know the real you now.
Meanwhile, my friend also lost someone who "knew her when," and real friends back in high school were few and far between. You are not alone.
I hope that helps a little. There's not really much anyone can say to make it better than I'm so sorry it happened to you, too.
I wonder if Dash might say something like: its like fallin' off a horse. You get up, brush yourself off, and git right back on!
That's really all you can do.
My prayers are with you.
--Dawn

Dash, please feel free to correct me! Lord knows I need any help I can get!

[Dash]

Originally Posted by zimnah

I lost one of my closest friends from high school when I told her. Like you, my husband is wonderfully supportive. I think my husband takes it a bit like he's the only man I would ever be attracted to, and he'd be right on that score. But my friend is relatively conservative. I miss her a lot, but Mia is right: I have made a lot of new friends, and you will, too. While it was nice knowing someone who "knew you back when," its even better having poeple who know the real you now.
Meanwhile, my friend also lost someone who "knew her when," and real friends back in high school were few and far between. You are not alone.
I hope that helps a little. There's not really much anyone can say to make it better than I'm so sorry it happened to you, too.
I wonder if Dash might say something like: its like fallin' off a horse. You get up, brush yourself off, and git right back on!
That's really all you can do.
My prayers are with you.
--Dawn

Dash, please feel free to correct me! Lord knows I need any help I can get!

Weeuhhlll... In my experience (and I got plenty o' that) of losing best friends by coming out, it's more like falling off a horse breaking your neck and back, convalescing alone in isolation for a year or more, and then slowly limping out into the sunlight again only to get run over by truck.

It's kinda comical if you imagine it in cartoon form with the South Park characters, but in reality, it sucked big time.

So yeah...I lost three "generations" of friends before I started making sure I told people right away that I was gay. (this was in Oklahoma, BTW) That was in 1997, 1998 and 2000. Ugh!!

But then, I've never had a friend for 20 years. I'm very glad that you have a loving husband, Angeleyes. Sometimes losing a friend is like losing a limb.

On the other hand, shattered hearts are wonderful raw material in divine hands. I always like to think of a Japanese bowl I saw in my Eastern Art class years ago...cracked in the firing of the clay (if I remember correctly) with the gap filled in with gold. The imperfection becomes an essential aspect of the beauty.

Rambling...sorry. I wish you all the best Angeleyes.