Hello my name is Christopher

[n2jc23]

My name is Christopher I'm 24 closeted christian gay guy from NW florida area. Im a nice guy, and love god, and I'm a little shy at first but then become your average talkative guy. I have somewhat of a sad story actually. After Graduation from High School, I applied for college but then not long after my brothers wife was rushed to hospital(while pregnant) and went about 2 years stress and worring for her(while up there helping them)because she had to get a heart transplant and now she is got one and she and my nephew are great(thank God)! Well things was settling down reapplied for college then even sooner boom, my mother gets very very ill. So I become her caregiver for over 5 years now(but thank God she is better). Well before all of that my dad mest up(casued alot of family stress) and I have a 10 year old halp baby sister. Well Things are better but my dads health is not great,but is ok. Plus me hiding going through puberty and even to this day that Im gay. But I'm still helping and living with parents and though soon I will be able to be more independent. Well Im really looking for friends, I live in small town(no gay friends and really no friends, all moved away since school and all these years I have been focused on parents) and would like to have some. Im looking for more soon ( someone to spend the rest of my life with) but I really need friends. And your Prayers! God Bless all of you and thanks for listening.

Chris

[Zerbie]

Welcome Christopher.

Being a caregiver is exhausting. Do you have plans to get to college now? I certainly hope you will realize that dream and get an education, the sooner the better - and before higher education gets even MORE expensive.

Thanks for your intro. I think Patrick (Emproph) lives in Florida. . . .

[Daniel]

Chris- welcome to the forum.

Wow! You have had some heavy responsibilties my friend, that's for sure. It amazes me that many don't understand the burdens that gay people are capable of assuming- and do assume- because they love their families. Often, we are the ones they turn too-putting our lives on hold- whether they consciously know about our sexuality or not.

Like Zerbie- I'm curious if you have an plans on resuming your education. My partner has gone back to school and he is 53- it can be done! He took care of his mentor for many years (before we met) and is studying for a Master's in Social Work- all that time taking care of someone has counted for something.

[n2jc23]

I want to first thank you all for replaying and your concerns, and also he encouragments! Well sadly here is whats further going on with me. Since my dad messed up and I have a little sister now, he has to pay 700 dollars monthy to her mom. Ok and my sister in law got sick right well my dad cashed in his retirement to help them and 3rd my mother has been to several major university hospitals, plus several dr' s and tests run these past 5 years. So what Im getting at now when things for as health around here is better, my parents can no longer afford to send me to college. And another thing is( which my parents love me and has helped me and I love them but) my dad was able to help my other brothers through school, jobs, and cars, now im the baby boy and I have done all of this putting y life on hold and all, he cant help me with any of that Im on my own now about that. But I believe God has a purpose for my life and Im trusting in him and this is what Im hoping for: get a starter job, and save money, get some small car with low payments, and get more independent find out what I want in a career and save my money,try to pay my own way through college, and I ofcourse continue to grow in God, and hopefully if its before or arround that time find a soul mate. But at this time even if im lonely and things are the way they are I hope to make friends through soulforce and hope to get my life going and find love and happiness(as I deserve and every God loving gay person should) and continue having your thoughts, friendships and more important you prayers! Again God Bless!!

Chris

[BenL]

Chris,

Good for you for being faithful to God and to your family. But you have to remember to take care of yourself, too.

Check out your local community college. Often it is very inexpensive, and there might be financial aid available. Even taking just one course will get you out of the house and doing something positive for you.

Try to distinguish between true needs that your family members have and what may have become over-dependence on your availability and your faithfulness.

Insist on some time off from custodial duties if your mom or dad are at all capable of fending for themselves. Even a half-day a week will give your spirits a boost and allow you to expand your horizons.

Don't throw yourself out in the dating scene, gay or straight, but instead try to meet people in more stable social situations. Is there some volunteer work you can do that would give you a sense of fulfillment and allow you to meet good people like yourself?

Do explore those options for transportation that you mentioned. Having some freedom to move about will give you a great feeling of independence.

Chris, welcome to Soulforce. There are lot of people here praying for you. Your determination tells me you'll make it.

BenL

[Zerbie]

Hi again.

You got some great suggestions from Ben, there. I second them.
Additionally, there may be scholarhip funds available for "non-traditional students" - that is to say, adults older than 18 entering college for the first time. That is worth checking into as well.

[n2jc23]

I thank Ben for those great suggestions, I really appreciate them, more then you know! I will sure look into them. And thanks Zerbie! I would like to be able to try out all of the suggestions now, but its a little limited living in such a small town(too small for me). Again thanks all, and God Bless!!!

Chris

[Daniel]

Chris - I third those suggestions!

You mentioned finding a career.

I would encourage you to seek out a good career counselor. Someone who can help get you on track. And you might do some reflection on what you were drawn to as a kid. The clues to our lives- very often- lie there. There is an interesting book by James Hillman, The Soul's Code, where he talks about this. Your local library may have it. And please don't forget that excellent resource. It may be local, but it's free. And I have to tell you that public libraries have changed my life! Seriously. Even if you don't have the means to go to school right now- you can be at that library several nights a week for a few hours boning up on what interests you.

All you need is curiosity. And yes- time to yourself.

[n2jc23]

I believe I have made true friends today! I thank all of you for your help! Daniel thanks alot for your advice I really apreciate it as well, I love the library! We have a small one Im disappointed in the resources there but I guess thats how it is in small towns. I havent been able to get out and go much at all and havent been there in a long time, I sure will check the book out, if I can find it and asap. Thanks again Daniel!
God Bless!
Chris

[superhippy7890]

Hello Christiopher, Wow a care giver! That is quite a labor of love! Know that in Jewish tradition, you are doing a huge Mitzvot (a commandment)! You'll be in my (Jewish) prayers.

[n2jc23]

Man I really appreciate your prayers it means so much too me!!! If anyone can help me to understand the homosexual scriputers like 1 cor. 6:9, I would really appreciate it!

Chris

[zimnah]

I fourth the suggestions on attending a comunity college...the classes are often less stressful, and you can get two years out of the way rather cheaply...also, it gives you a chance to establish a good GPA. If you can manage to pull off a 3.5 GPA, you stand a very good chance at being eligible for full scholarships. Also, like Zerbie said, non-traditional students often get a break as well.
I went back to school about a year and a half ago (I'm in my thirties), and I'm speaking from experience.
You've had it rough for quite a while, and you really sound quite mature for your age. I agree with you that G-d has plans for you. As superhippy said, you have indeed performed a true mitzvah. Hang in there!
G-d bless,
Dawn

[n2jc23]

Thank You Dawn!

I really believe I need to attend college also. As soon as its possible I sure will do that! and thank you for your help, and prayers as well!

God Bless You!!!!
Chris

[sawyer]

Originally Posted by n2jc23

Man I really appreciate your prayers it means so much too me!!! If anyone can help me to understand the homosexual scriputers like 1 cor. 6:9, I would really appreciate it!

Chris

In the last 2 years, I have stopped believing that every word in the Bible was intended to be there by God's will. The Bible is the cause of many wars and arguements. If Jesus were to make a judgement, I think He would say you dont need the Bible at all. All you need to do is love your neighbor as yourself. If Jesus thought we needed a New Testament, why didnt he write it so it would get done right. I think his Bible book would be Love your neighbor as yourself, 1 sentence.

I believe that there was nothing extraordinary about Paul. He was inspired to write to the Corinthians the same way as I am now inspired to write this. I dont think Corinthians in the New Testament is more God-inspired than many of the writings found on this website. If you want to be like the Pharisee that Paul was, you will read 1Cor 6:9 and then say it is a rule and then judge yourself and us with it. Paul, being a pharisee cannot live without rules and judgements, and Paul or any of the Bible writers did not understand sexual orientation, therefore this verse should not be taken as a rule. Paul is not God and does not have the authority to make a blanket statement about those who might be separated from God.

If I was to try to define what fornication was for gay people, I would end up getting into rules and judgements, and I don't think that that was what Jesus intended for us to do. The statements made by Paul and the other Bible writers are their thoughts directed toward only heterosexuals. They were as ignorant of gay and bi orientation as many in the church are today. Fornication here is heterosexual, and the reason it is on the list of bad things is because it is in regard to children.

Christoffer, I am reading from KJV and the wording in NIV, I believe is mistranslated. But effeminate to me is Paul's personal bias. I don't think a guy who naturally looks feminine, I don't think God made him that way to be a cast-out from inheriting His kingdom.

Are you an abuser of mankind if you love your fellow man too much?

I concentrate on Jesus and Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. I believe the conservative churches are concentrating more on Paul and a pharasee way of thinking, rather than on just Jesus and freedom.

Can something be sin if it doesn't hurt anyone?

kram,
sawyer

[n2jc23]

Thank You for that insight! I really appreciate it!!

God Bless,
Chris

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by sawyer

I concentrate on Jesus and Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. I believe the conservative churches are concentrating more on Paul and a pharasee way of thinking, rather than on just Jesus and freedom.

my pastor advises running all scripture, even and especially Paul's writings, through the "Jesus filter." If it doesn't match up with Jesus' message, you gotta toss it!

[sawyer]

Originally Posted by keltic63

my pastor advises running all scripture, even and especially Paul's writings, through the "Jesus filter." If it doesn't match up with Jesus' message, you gotta toss it!

Thanks keltic, "Jesus filter", that is a good picture to keep in mind. It makes a lot of sense.

Christopher, you are so lucky to get this picture and concept of the Bible at your age.

I'm still thinking about the fornication part of that verse. Did you see the article in the February 2007 "OUT" magazine entitled Christian gay virgins. Knowing that others are saving all of their love for their special one in a committed relationship, gives us all some extra strength to say "no" to hookups, and wait for that special one that will eventually come.

School is ok. When I graduated from high school, I was tired of school and wanted to start working. Later I went to a Tech school for a year. Except that 1-1/2 years, I have worked the same job since I was 10 years old. Its one of the lowest paid jobs but its fun, I do it well, and I can see an accomplishment at the end of the day. If you avoid bad habits that consume your money, never buy anything on credit, and save as much as you can, you will always have enough. Also, learn to be happy in whatever you do.

sawyer

[Zerbie]

Wow - great advice Sawyer!