Update

[Jan]

Hello everyone! I just wanted to drop everyone a line to give you an update on life. As some of you know from my original post http://www.soulforce.org/forums/showthread.php?t=2417 that recently life for me has taken a hard turn. I wanted to add some good news- I recently interviewed for a great job and I got it! Thank you God! And to make things even better after I was told I had the job I learned that they added $2000 to the original salary offer because of my certifications. I'm very excited about my new job. It's going to be a great experience for me.

I woke up this morning around 4am with severe pain in my side. I've had kidney stones in the past so I thought "here we go again..." After a CT scan I learned that I had a very large ovarian cyst that was bleeding. I'm not sure if I'll need surgery or not yet. I go on Monday to follow up with my OBGYN. I *think* though only in extreme cases they do surgery. So hopefully I won't need it.

I also found a place to live! It's small but it's mine! It actually has a lot of character for such a small place. Right now I have boxes on top of boxes unpacked. I went this afternoon to get all my stuff from my ex's place. It was hard considering I had spent the morning at the hospital. Thankfully I had a great support team that went with me. It was the hardest day of my life to be honest. I didn't handle closing this door in my life well at all. I even contacted my ex to tell her that I missed her & that this process was really getting to me. Of course I was rejected 1 more time. But that isn't what bothers me. I crossed over her boundaries. I know with therapy I'll learn a healthier way of dealing with loss. Right now this break up feels like a death.

Ok I've written a book here... Sorry! I just wanted to give an update and a praise report of the good things in my life. Thanks again to all those who have contacted me and have kept me in their prayers! It's working!

Love and Peace to all,
Jan

[BruceChris]

It sounds like you have a lot of putting the pieces back together in your life, but that you are well into the process. It's nice to have support systems(or, hey, better yet, friends) in your life.

Write a book? Surely you mean a short story, or more likely an anectdote. Just wait until you read some of Emphroph or Andy's posts. Having once wished to write The Great American Novel, they each assume that they are being paid by the word , and now and then have tied up enough bandwidth to bring down a server or two.

Hey, Jan, take care of yourself, physically, emotionally, whatever it takes. Drop in and chat, when ya feel the need.

Peace, Love, and RockandRoll, Bruce Chris

[Jan]

I'm trying to put humpty dumpty back together again. Some days like today feels like I don't have pieces but rather fractions of microscopic pieces. I'll get there though. And having friends like you and so many others on this site helps tremendously! Your words seem to come off the page and embrace me just when I need it most.

I say short story b/c I usually don't write much in emails. My ex use to comment on my lack of emails I wrote her. I deal with emails & computer's all day so in my "down" time the last thing I wanted to do was have anything to do with either! Now I find myself clinging to my laptop for dear life. Maybe it's the fact I'm all alone in this semi-empty apartment or maybe it's my new thirst of knowledge for BPD. At any rate, I'm finding myself online a LOT.

Bandwidth? Servers crashing? Are you a fellow MIS/IT folk Bruce Chris? LOL!

[Zerbie]

Sounds like you are making good progress.

CONGRATS on the job!!!! ANd congrats on the new apartment.

Glad you will see a doc soon, and get your health all taken care of, too.

BTW - years of therapy and work to deal with your diagnosis will be totally worth it! Life gets better and better, the more coping skills and awareness we have. You have every reason to believe in a very bright future.


Best wishes.

[Jan]

Thanks Zerbie! I am SO ready to have my life in order. My emotional well-being will take time I know with therapy and determination. I'm up for it! I'm ready to be healthy inside and out!

I'm getting excited about my life for the first time in a LONG time!

Have a great week!

[tdogg]

Hi Jan, congrats on the job!! Hang in there, life will pick up. It is sad, but like you said, exciting too. Continue to savor the journey!

[Daniel]

Jan- I'm so glad that thinkgs are looking up for you! Congrats on your new job and home. I agree with Zerbie, the effort that you put into therapy and self-awareness is going to be a great help to you.

Life has its rhythms. Sometimes I think half the art of living is knowing how to yield to them. Feeling like humpty dumpty is just one day in your life. There are brighter days ahead.

[BruceChris]

Life WILL get better. You've got a place, you've got a job, you've got friends there, and you'll always have friends here.

God loves you, We love you, and God Still loves you. Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[Jan]

I read all of your posts in aw. When I found out my professional diagnosis and accepted that my partner fell out of love with me b/c of the hurt I caused her I can't describe the utter emptiness I felt. Yet when reading all your posts I feel, for the first time in a long while, love. True and simple.

I can't say how I feel any better than the above.

God bless you one and all for your kind words and prayers!

Jan