Hiya...

[Casey]

Ok... just a little nervous here... Im new, as if you couldnt tell... and um... I am 17 years old. Just this year, i found a girl i felt that i could spend the rest of my life with. But, sadly, today... this girl has broken my heart... because she thinks our relationship is 'wrong' i no longer have the love of my life... I know this sounds really weird coming from a teen, but i thought this might be a place where someone - maybe, just one person - could understand.

Today, i think i have cried more than i have ever. But, im trying to move on... (i dont think ill ever stop loving her, tho) maybe being with others who feel that being bisexual isnt wrong will help...

Thanks for listening

[dsdrane]

Casey --

You are most welcome. There are some wonderful voices here and, no doubt, you'll be one too.

Can you fill us in a little more on what's going on...on why your girlfriend thought something was "wrong" ?

Every experience in the book has been had by someone here...rest assured.

[keltic63]

Hi Casey!

This is a job for Zerbie! Zerbie, paging Dr. Zerbie!

Casey, I know it feels like your heart is breaking. I'm sure it is. there are lots of people here who can help you pick things up and move forward. I'm proud of you that at 17 you know love, and you knew where to look for people like yourself who might offer you some help. We love doing that! Love is never "wrong"

welcome to the forums. please tell us more so we can be of some help to you.

[Zerbie]

Welcome Casey.


Texas huh? I lived in Houston for 7 years. Liked it there. I like rain.

I'm so sorry to hear of your heartbreak. I remember how I felt when I lost the girl I was so incredibly in love with, when I was 21. I almost couldn't breathe.

It actually does get better in time.

Did your girlfriend believe it was wrong to date another girl? A lot of people who are gay or bisexual struggle with the belief that their feelings are wrong.

You mentioned finding others who don't think being bisexual is "wrong." Do you think you might be bisexual?

Anyway. Take it slow. Give yourself time to grow into a sense of security about who you are. It's okay if you aren't sure. Some of us never really do become sure. What matters is living well, taking care of ourselves, being the kind compassionate people we were born to be.

You've found a wonderful place here. You can talk as little or as much as you like.

[Casey]

Wow! When i read this in the morning i almost cried because i was so happy! thank you so much...

Yeah, Sadie is Baptist and attends a school in which they have hours of gay and lesbian bashing everday. She used to come home crying every night, and i would comfort her, telling her that it wasnt wrong - that two girls loving each other was a beautiful thing - and for awhile i thought she believed me. But today she just told me no... that there was no chance of us ever being together again because it is against God. She says she is doing this for me... because she loves me... But i just dont get it... If she loves me and being together isnt wrong... they why did she break up with me?

This year has been hard for me anyway without this... It was the year that i finally realized i was bisexual... I still am attracted to guys and then i met Sadie and accepted that i was attracted to girls too.

Thank you for talking to me and helping me through this. I hope i can make friends.

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by Casey

Wow! When i read this in the morning i almost cried because i was so happy! thank you so much...

Yeah, Sadie is Baptist and attends a school in which they have hours of gay and lesbian bashing everday. She used to come home crying every night, and i would comfort her, telling her that it wasnt wrong - that two girls loving each other was a beautiful thing - and for awhile i thought she believed me. But today she just told me no... that there was no chance of us ever being together again because it is against God. She says she is doing this for me... because she loves me... But i just dont get it... If she loves me and being together isnt wrong... they why did she break up with me?

This year has been hard for me anyway without this... It was the year that i finally realized i was bisexual... I still am attracted to guys and then i met Sadie and accepted that i was attracted to girls too.

Thank you for talking to me and helping me through this. I hope i can make friends.

You must feel like you are being ripped apart, but I am smiling because you are so brave and so incredibly self-aware. It's amazing! You're a decade ahead of me. I was late 20s before I figured out I was attracted to both men AND women.

Most people are just not that strong, just not that sure of themselves. Especially when young. If Sadie hears "bashing" things said about herself and you all day long every day, and has had for her whole life, it would be nothing short of a miracle if she emerged completely unscathed by it. It takes a tremendous toughness, one many people do not have, to tell yourself that your parents, teachers, friends, church, and society at large are all wrong and that you are right. It's incredibly difficult to do, because it seems with so many against you, it's very hard to imagine ALL those people are wrong. Even if they are.

I'll share with you something I'm so not proud of. When I was 21 and in love, the most awful thing was done to us. I was seeing a therapist for an unrelated problem, and the therapist knew about our relationship. It turned out, she was an anti-gay therapist.

Well I was 21 and didn't know anything "official" about homosexuality, and the therapist had a PhD so I figured she knew. She pressured me for months to drop the girl because it was wrong, and mentally unhealthy. She told me horror stories of terrible things that happen to gay people, and held them over me as guilt that by dating my girl, I was going to cause something terrible to happen to her.

After 3 months of hearing this from an "expert," I finally decided that if I really loved my girlfriend, I would protect her from those horrible things by not allowing her to be with me. I would have died for her. So how could I be selfish enough to let something horrible happen to her just because she was with me?

The last night we were together, I kept trying to make myself say it. More than anything I wanted to stay with her, so I kept putting it off because it was so wonderful just being with her. Finally, we were alone and she reached for me. It was the only thing in the world I wanted! But I pulled out of her arms and choked out, "No. No, what we're doing is wrong. I have to go," and ran out on her with no other words. It felt like I ripped my own body in half to do it, but I thought I was being strong for us both. I can't tell you how horribly I regret that. Or how angry I was years later at the psychologist who told me that was the way to "love" her. It took almost 10 years to get over what had happened and how I lost her.

The pressure to avoid same-sex romantic expression is incredibly strong! It's incredibly difficult not to succomb to it, especially when we ourselves don't really understand what it's all about.

I wish I had some kind of wise suggestion to make as to what to do now, but I don't. Ya just live, and let time take care of things. You are so strong - and so far ahead of the game as far as self-awareness - that you are going to attract someone who loves and appreciates you for all of who you are, and is incredibly proud to be with you. For the meantime, hugs.

[Casey]

That is exactly what the people kept telling Sadie... And she keeps telling me its for my own good and she is protecting me from damnation because she loves me.

The only people i have told about her are my closest friends - one is also bisexual, so her input helps a lot - but i cant even bring the words out around my mother. I really dont think shes the type of person to accept that and to even believe it because im so young.

But everything you have said to me is really helping me. All my friends are great and i think im going to get through this... I still love her with all my heart, but all i can do is take this one step at a time... even though i might be taking VERY small steps.