writer/author

[Aaron jason Silver]

Hello, My name is Aaron Jason Silver. I live just outside one of the largest gay resorts in the country called Saugtauk Michigan which is located along the Lake Michigan about two hours from Chicago Illinois. I own a small horse farm/dog kennel business which is also where I do my writing. Living in an area such as I do gives me a unique perspective on urban gay culture and rural gay culture since most of our tourists are from the Chicago,Detroit area. In fact so many people love it here so much they end up buying either a cottage here or move here permenantly. I have recently authored a book entitled; "why gay men do what they do", an inside look at gay culture. There has been a mixed reaction among the gay community to my book because of my candidness about what I see going on within the gay culture. Many gays thought my book would add fuel to homophobia becaue i do reveal a lot about what goes on within the community. Some good and some very bad. These fears however have been unfounded. In fact from the many e-mails, blogs and conversations that I have with straight people that approach me at book signings tell me that they feel more compassion for gay people. They now better understand the struggles and pain we endured from as early on as we gay people became conscious that our same sex attractions were not considered normal but in fact abhorent within the very narrow confines and expectations that society imposes on boys and girls. I am obviously speaking from a male persepective because I am a man and I do believe it is earier to be a tomboy than it is to be sissy in our society. I believe gay culture has developed some very serious behavioral issues that are manifestations of these childhood wounds such as the much higher rate of all sorts of addictions as a way I believe of self-medicating to suppress the very real pain within us that most gay people don't understand why they feel often the emptiness that they do and where it may have originated. Thank you, Most sincerely, Aaron www.aaronjasonsilver.com asilver@wmis.net I hope to hear from anyone.

[BruceChris]

But first of all, what's the pooches name? S/he looks like a winner. It must be nice to live in a place like that, but I must admit to having all of my roots in the big city, myself. I'm sure that there will be many more to welcome you.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[Aaron jason Silver]

Thanks Bruce for you very kind welcome. My pooches name is Lillian. She is my best herding dog. She is the mentor to all of my others. Thanks again, Aaron

[Lydia]

Welcome, Aaron.

[Aaron jason Silver]

Hello Lydia, Thank you so much for responding and welcoming me to Soul force. In regards to your comment about the six sites referring to homosexuality in the bible, I would like to address these. You are very correct that homosexuality is indeed reference in the bible, however in ancient times and in the ancient languages spoken during the time of Jesus, which were Aramaic, Ancient Greek and latin there really was no specific word representing homosexuality. Homosexuality and homosexual practices amongst even people of hetersexual persuasion was a very common place practice. So much so that it was in integral part of those societies. Gay Unions were very common place and the towns people would show up for these blessed events. In fact during ancient Roman and Greek history, homosexuals were actually very much respecte on a whole because they were believed to have the enviable position of having greater access to their male and female aspects. This was not only true of these cultures but of many ancient cultures of Africa and of the American Indians. It was not uncommon to see native American men dressed in Squaw clothing, cross-dressing if you will. Being bilingual myself I understand very well how easy it is to make mistakes in translation in reference to certain concepts and objects. Therefore a translation is only as good as the translator and their objectivity. It is very different to be bilingual than it is to be bicultural. One then understands both cultures equally, therefore understanding importantant nuance. In Liviticus which is generally the scirpture most often used by christians to denounce and prove that homosexuality was wrong also include that is was ok to kill your children under certain circumstances such as disobeying you parents. It was also considered lawful to beat your wife, it was also very sinfull to have intercourse during a womans menses punishable by death. Why are these practice not acceptable anymore but homosexuality still is unnacceptable. One cannot pick and choose what parts of scripture are acceptable and what are not. It's either an all or nothing proposition to a reasonable rational mind. The words that were often used to denounce homoesexuality were misinterpreted words that were actually referring to pedasrty, adultry and pediphilia. None of these words were in the truest sense of the word were not fact denouncing homosexuality. We are so fortunate to have so much written history of these ancient times, none of which spoke in negaive terms regardig homosexuality. The ancient Greaks and Romans kept such acturate records of their culture. There we in no way doctored up to satisfy a hidden agenda. Also back during these times there was not such a strick code of conduct or behaviors that were acceptable to only woman or men and what were considred appropriate behaviors that they were to follow. To recap, there were no laws against homosexuality in it's mother tongue until transalations came to be. The issue of a man lying with another man was a suprsitions. These ancient people were very superstitious and itwas thought that during harvest times men should refraind from homosexul encounterd becuase it was feared that it would destroy the crops during those prieouds of the year. However only during harvest. One must also remember Jesus never spoke of homosexuality which should cause Christins,The followe of his teacing never mentioned it I believe it was because he was not offe by them. This is a very important point I believe. I don't know if you rmember the part of the book that when I was visting
Costa Rica on my first visit I needed more towels but instead used a common word for towels in other spanish speaking terms, I used the wrong word for that cuture and asked "tampons". Boy was I emparrassd. But it was a word that was onlky used in Costa Rica in reference to Tampons. In england a bonnet is the hood of a car. A fanny is not a butt. It is the vangina in Great Britain. Even thought they speak English there are still different words that are differnt than ours. One more point. Sodom was a city. Sodomites were citizens of Sodom. It was not a verb representing a certain sexual activity until much later. Lets these mistranslations be a lesson to us all. If you have anymore comments or critisizm don't my belifs plese neve evee be ashamed tp speak your turth. I don't belive in shaming or blaming and welcome alll feedback. Thanks so much again. most sincerely Aaron Jason Silver, My very best to you. love, Aaron

[ro-lin]

Greetings from Norway....
Roy

[Aaron jason Silver]

Thank you very much Roy for your very kind welcome. I'm just learning how to use this forum but I really like it and have talked to some very kind people. Plese stay in touch, my best always, Aaron Jason Silver

[Aaron jason Silver]

Originally Posted by Lydia

Welcome, Aaron.

Good morning, Lydia, I just reread your comment. I don't understand why I didn't get it the first time. I think it's because I have been so stressed about my computer being down. Your comment was hysterical. My partner and I were just reading it this morning. You have a great sense of humor. I have met so many kind and people on here, I love it. Thanks again, Pardon me for being so dense when I first read it. My best always, Aaron p.s. Hope to hear from you again. big hug,

[Jennifer5]

Welcome Aaron!

[Aaron jason Silver]

Good morning Jennifer, I've heard that quote before but never tire of it. It gives me goose bumps everytime I hear it because of it's eternal truth. Just imagine how different the face of our planet would look and feel if we would all just try the best we can to live accordingly. Thanks for a reminding me of how life ought to be lived, with spontaniety and joy. Have a great day and spread the word. my very best, Aaron

[ro-lin]

Aaron I just bought your book from Amazone.com...it will takes some time before it arrive to Norway....
I wuld like to write a book myself about 30 years in the hidingplace, but scared it will involv living persons, and get too private...I need a good idea to know how to tell a story and not a Diary......
http://www.angelfire.com/sk2/roy4you/Dans.html

[Aaron jason Silver]

Roy, I'm so glad that you are getting to the point that you feel that it would be benificial for you to write your story. Even if it is not published it would be unbelieveably therapeutic for you. How old are you parents? Is your relationship with them more important than a healthy relationship with yourself. Your life MATTERS! If they are upset about your book that is thier issue that they will have to deal with in their own way. They cannot take your life away from you. They can try and make it uncomfortable but haven't you already been dealing with a great deal of discomfort by living a lie. It's time you live your own truth and be proud of who you are apart from those around you. It's Roy's time to shine! The way to start a book is to just sit down and to the best of your knowledge write down the chonology of your life experiences and use a lot of adjectives to decribe the feelings you were feeling at different times in your life. The sites the sounds, the smells if you can remember them. How your body felt at certain times during your struggle. By your e-mails to me I don't think you are going to need that much help from me. You have a real gift for writing already and it's time for you to explore it. I don't believe in coincidence, therefore I believe we have met for a reason if it's just encourgagement to tell your incredibly painful story. I'm sorry to say that your story is a very commone one but most men just choose to live their lives in silent misery. You don't have to do that. I wish I could speak to each and every man or woman that is suffering in silence about who they really are. We ought NEVER to be ashamed of the way the universed made us. There is always a greater purpose and I do believe you are finding yours. I will help you in any way I possibly can, even if it is just for moral support but please start writing and you will begin to feel years of pain melting away. Promise me you will do this for you and for the others that are suffering just like you. Your eternal friend in the states. Aaron p.s. I hope you haven't minded that I have shared your story with my author friends. They both know exactly what you are going through. Bonnie was once married to a gay man and has written an incredible book about it. Dennis had an affair with a gay married man and has written and incredibly insightful book about his experience. He know's also what you are going through and they are such very compassionate people that I knew they would be of great help to you as well. Thanks again for trusting me. Aaron You know that you can write to my other e-mail address. asilver@wmis.net.

[Aaron jason Silver]

Is marriage a religious institution?

I feel at times I am the only gay person that is not satisfied by the term “civil union”. To me it feels like a consolation prize given as a means of pacifying gays. Throw them a few crumbs as their used to and they’ll shut up. Truthfully, I hope that we gay men and woman will not stop at gay unions and go after what we truly deserve, that being gay marriage. I am saddened but not surprised that many gays are willing to accept second class citizenship after all it is what we are accustomed to. Our entire gay civil rights movement that is being courageously fought by a very few, has been about equal rights, not just some rights. This of course means marriage as well.
We should not be satisfied by civil unions. Unions are not equal. It’s unfortunate that this issue has become so politicized as did the civil rights movement back in the 60’s. Even the politicians that are privately in favor of gay marriage are afraid to speak openly about it with the exception of a few impassioned politicians that have a strong sense of integrity and a clear view of what is right and wrong.

We cannot look to the bible for any answers regarding equal rights. Those laws were written at a different time and for an ancient culture. It may surprise many to know that gay marriages were widely accepted by the Romans and the Greeks. We also must understand that many of the ancients were a very superstitious people that made many of their laws in regards to those superstitions. We therefore cannot be influenced by scripture. The many books within the bible vastly contradict themselves on issues to numerous to mention here. Which ones should we believe? Many religious institutions have the belief that sexual relations is solely for the purpose of procreation. This is an affront to childless marriages. Are they any less valid? Should they therefore not have sexual relations knowing full well that there will not be any children produced? I wonder why God would make sexuality so very pleasurable if it were only for the purpose of procreation. It wouldn’t need to be enjoyable. The mechanics of sexuality would be all that is necessary to create offspring. Beside don’t we live in a country that has a law about separation between church and state?

Somebody please help me understand why marriage by many is considered a religious institution. For the sake of discussion I would like someone to tell me why atheists are then eligible for marriage? It seems to me that heterosexual marriages are afforded just about any opportunity and environment they choose to take their vows. Even those damned heathens.

Straight men and woman can choose a church marriage; they can get married underwater, on a mountaintop, by a justice of the peace or even by a ship captain. However, the most romantic and holy place I can imagine to pledge ones vows of love and fidelity, is driving through a drive-in chapel in Las Vegas, as one would order a happy meal. Don’t get me wrong, I do love happy meals. The best part is no one even has to bother to get out of the car. How can one compete with that kind of service? I’ve heard that they even change your oil while waiting but that may be just hearsay.

Has it dawned on anyone that the constitution of the United States says very clearly that all people shall be treated as equal? There are no clauses added to that, such as, except for gays. What was stated in that document still rings very clearly yet today and likely for many years to come. We don’t have to look too awfully far back into our history to find examples of how we ignored the constitution for selfish heterosexual Anglo-Saxon citizens so we could still own people. It wasn’t until the early part of the nineteenth century before woman were allowed to vote. Not so long before that, slavery was legal. It wasn’t until nearly fifty years ago that African Americans weren’t allowed to marry whites. If we are to learn anything from our nation’s history, we should then know that whenever we veer off from what that beautifully crafted document for whatever convenient reason, it is eventually overturned and changed for reasons of being fairer. I have still yet to hear a valid reason how gay marriage could negatively impact modern society. I’ve heard that if gays were allowed to marry it would have the potential of destroying traditional marriage. We only have to look at the statistics of the success of “traditional marriages to discover that more than half end up in divorce. Gays did not cause that. Fidelity within marriage has a terrible track record as well. Therefore I would truly like to hear some reasonable argument posed that would make sense why gay marriage ought not be allowed. Thank you, Aaron Jason Silver www.aaronjasonsilver.com; Fennville, Mi 49408 for more information on issues within gay culture please read; “why gay men do what they do”, an inside look at gay culture.

[Aaron jason Silver]

Originally Posted by BruceChris

But first of all, what's the pooches name? S/he looks like a winner. It must be nice to live in a place like that, but I must admit to having all of my roots in the big city, myself. I'm sure that there will be many more to welcome you.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

Hello Bruce, I'm so sorry that I never even responded to your question. Her name is Charli. I forgot to be honest that I belonged to this site because I've been so busy writing I've let many things slide. That was very kind and welcoming of you to say hello. Hope to hear from you again. Most sincerely, Aaron

[antonyh]

Originally Posted by Aaron Jason Silver

I believe gay culture has some very serious behavioral issues that are manifestations of these childhood wounds.

Welcome to Soulforce. I've not had an opportunity to read your book, but I find myself uncomfortable with the premise. I find myself more uncomfortable when I read the book description on your site:

Originally Posted by http://www.aaronjasonsilver.com/

My thoughts are that the high school girlish behaviors are the manifestations of unhealed wounds, which I refer to as "ghost wounds". These wounds I believe are a direct result of the damage that has been done during the very critical school age years when many of us were trying to find out who we were and develop a sense of self. Unfortunately, most gay men I have spoken to or interviewed from many countries from all over the world have very similar childhood experiences. Most felt lonely, isolated, picked on at school, and they most often felt like outsiders. I believe these experiences have done more emotional damage to gay people then we have ever given credit too. As a result, these ghost wounds have never been healed and follow them around for a lifetime unless addressed. These ghost wounds will influence many of their behaviors and most importantly their ability to understand and really feel the beauty and deliciousness of true intimacy unencumbered by distrust. Gay men will feel a safety that they have never felt before which will ultimately lead them to more fulfilling lives on many levels. Frequent sexual encounters are probably the most common way gay men or most gay men deal with their ghost wounds. This devoid of intimacy often leads to a deeper feeling of isolation, loneliness and depression. The last of what I want to say is good luck in your quest to better understand who YOU are, apart from the gay community in which you may live.

See, now you've brought out my inner feminist. Why can't gay men exhibit "girlish behaviors". The devaluation of the feminine is the broader context of homophobia. Studies show that gay bashers don't really care that someone is gay. What they care about is that they are not perceived as "feminine" by themselves or their friends. Combine that with some booze and you've got a gay bashing.

To say that a man has some feminine qualities because of "ghost wounds" suggests that there is something wrong with the behavioral quality of the feminine in a male. Somehow it is beneath a guy. I believe that our comfort with the feminine is our prophetic gift to the world. We are singlehandedly liberating men everywhere to enjoy flowers, opera, romance, poetry and all the multifaceted and glorious gifts of the feminine. Meterosexuals are just the first wave

As for gay men and sex...I'm sure you see plenty of that at Saugtauk being a gay resort and all. I wonder if this is a male thing, not a gay thing. I live near Clark and Division in Chicago, near the straight bar scene. Let me tell you, there are plenty of straight men hitting the bars looking for an evening of entertainment, no strings attached.

I think that what is true is that our relationships are not celebrated by the church and by society. So it is harder to aspire to a relationship or to see the value in forming one.

I'm not denying that gay men have behavioral problems, but I really believe that for everyone of them we bring ten wonderful qualities to enrich the world.

[NathanATX]

Originally Posted by antonyh

Welcome to Soulforce. I've not had an opportunity to read your book, but I find myself uncomfortable with the premise. I find myself more uncomfortable when I read the book description on your site:



See, now you've brought out my inner feminist. Why can't gay men exhibit "girlish behaviors". The devaluation of the feminine is the broader context of homophobia. Studies show that gay bashers don't really care that someone is gay. What they care about is that they are not perceived as "feminine" by themselves or their friends. Combine that with some booze and you've got a gay bashing.

To say that a man has some feminine qualities because of "ghost wounds" suggests that there is something wrong with the behavioral quality of the feminine in a male. Somehow it is beneath a guy. I believe that our comfort with the feminine is our prophetic gift to the world. We are singlehandedly liberating men everywhere to enjoy flowers, opera, romance, poetry and all the multifaceted and glorious gifts of the feminine. Meterosexuals are just the first wave

I would like to say welcome to the forums, first of all. I'm glad you're here.

I do have to agree with Antonyh. My "inner feminist" almost pulled her weave out after reading that summary.

On the other hand, the underlying issues you address, i.e. gay male promiscuity, are very valid issues we need to be thinking about... though, I consider myself very sex-positive as well. I think the main thing gay men need is a course in sexual ethics.

I hope you'll become an active member of the Soulforce forums. We're a very diverse bunch of people and l-o-v-e good conversation.

Peace,
Nate

[pnggrad79]

First of all, welcome Aaron. Glad to have you here.

I think the gay community has serious issues not the least of which is a direct result of the immense shame and guilt we have faced growing up in an environment where it was easier to be something else, and if you did engage in sex with someone of your same gender, you did it in secret because getting caught was a fate worse than death. If we dated, we had to date the opposite sex and fantasized about the football player or (if a lesbian) the cheerleader. We couldn't date in the open, we couldn't express affection in public, nothing we did could be seen. That is years and years of built in shame for something that is not shameful, but made to be that way. Once it is out in the open and people have the nerve to hold gay proms or at least be inclusive in straight proms, and churches learn to be like Jesus and just love others, instead of kick them out, then we might unlearn shame.

Yes, unmistakably, gay people add a lot of color to the world, and certainly it wouldn't be what it is without gay people, but I am tired of being stomped on by straight people and I hate the attitude of it's ok to be gay and do my hair or act in the plays I go see, but don't think of getting married! Pay your taxes and be loyal to a government that discriminates against you, but don't be militant about it.

My two cents...for whatever it is worth....

[JudB]

Welcome..

I have enjoyed reading your posts already. I hope many more will follow.

[Aaron jason Silver]

The masculinity obsession

I’m probably a bit late in addressing an issue that some members had about my comment concerning “high school girlish behaviors. I perhaps could have worded it differently since there was obviously a misunderstanding of how I feel about the masculine/feminine issue. To me they are neutral issues and should be considered as such. Please read my posting below that I have sent out and has been very well received by many newspapers around the world. I think it makes my point clearer in regards to this issue.
I believe that many of the issues about the struggle for gay rights runs deeper than just people’s religious values.
Growing up as a gay man in American society, a male child learns early on the obvious superior position the more masculine the male the higher social standing he will likely attain by it’s sheer virtue. It is very clear that the masculine male athlete is considered of the highest social standing. How Americans worship their male athletes is the prime example of this hyper-masculine obsession within American culture. I believe this obsession with masculinity is one of the major issues behind homophobia. People need to understand that there is a wide range of behaviors ranging from very masculine to very effeminate. This range is not only found in homosexuals, but heterosexuals as well.
Having spent much of my life traveling all over the world because of my interest in cultures, I have however particularly noticed that in most of the European countries there isn’t quite the masculine obsession we Americans have. Being a gay man, we all know what gaydar means. Some heterosexual people may even have heard this term but don’t understand quite what it means. It means having almost a sixth sense about which men are gay and which aren’t. It’s an interesting phenomenon that needs greater study in its own right. Gay men tend to have pretty good gaydar which is clearly a learned behavior that can be quite accurate. This learned trait I believe is based on the phenomenon of the American masculine obsession and how gay men unconsciously during their lives observe what it is to be masculine in America. This obsession actually causes men that are not stereotypically masculine by nature to try and become masculine acting by practice. You see it in our own president who has obviously bought into this belief and is clearly acting out a hyper masculine image. He has adapted to walking and taking like an American cowboy hero that just got off from his horse which is clearly evident in his stance and gate. He even feels the need to hold is arms further away from his body than need be to give the impression of his arms being to muscular to be able to hold them closer. This learned behavior stems I believe from hyper insecurity which encourages men to try and become what they consider to be what is most admired. However, conversely one does not often see this behavior within most European cultures because they don’t seem to have the hyper-masculine worship that we Americans have. Perhaps we have it because of the history of how our country was founded. The reason why I mentioned gaydar is because in Europe my gaydar does not work well because many of the European men by American standards act effeminate. It is not that they are effeminate, that is once again only relative to American cultural standards by how we were taught to measure masculinity. European men just walk, talk and act much more naturally and without giving thought to whether they are perceived as being masculine or feminine. This then translates into the fear of being considered gay.
The issue of masculine/feminine ought to be considered a neutral issue within a healthy culture that is not fraught with fear about being considered gay or straight.
Gay men I have observed over my many years of being an out gay man have even bought into this American hyper-masculine worship. They will often try and act masculine, and will on chat lines make certain that the gay man they are talking to knows that they are the masculine type. Most of us, whether gay or straight are somewhere in the middle. However, many men will practice trying to be, on the masculine scale from 1 to 10, will try to act and be perceived closer to a 10. It is truly an interesting phenomenon. This is likely partly the reason why athletes have trouble coming out of the closet because they will lose much of their social standing and adoration. We as Americans need to be more concerned about our ethics, morals and social decay rather than being so concerned about the way we were born to behave and what actually comes naturally to us. This obsession I believe is behind much of the emotional damage done to gay men in particular which manifests in a variety of ways even in adulthood. The emotional damage is done early on in a gay child’s development. This belief is what inspired me to author the book;” why gay men do what they do, inside look at gay culture. In this book I explain in detail what this obsession has done to the gay psyche. Thank you, Aaron Jason Silver www.aaronjasonsilver.com

[Fira]

Welcome and God Bless you and your family and friends in Jesus' name I say amen and amen.

I am Jason from UTAH, North United States of America.