An interesting perspective

[BrentRichards]

The attached link is to an article (text included below) by Vicky Lucas, a British woman with a genetic disorder called "Cherubism" that caused her to have a significant facial disfigurement. She has written quite a bit about her experiences of mistreatment and alienation because of her appearance, and I think a few lines in particular from this article (bolded in the text) are poignant for us, as well:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3128203.stm

Why I want you to look me in the face

Instead of people looking away, gasping, or shuddering, Vicky Lucas wants them to know that her face is integral to who she is. And, as she explains here, she likes who she is.

"I have a rare genetic disorder called Cherubism, which affects my face. I was diagnosed when I was about four years old. I was too young to remember what happened, but visiting hospitals became a regular part of my life.

Although it was only when I was about six that my face started to really change shape, I don't remember a time when I didn't look different.

Growing up with a facial disfigurement wasn't easy. When puberty kicked in, it included all the usual developments with a little bit extra - my face became very large and my eyes were more affected too.

Double take

My teenage years were difficult. People would sometimes stare or do a double take. Some people would be downright nasty and call me names.

Even when people said 'Oh you poor thing!' their pity also hurt me and that hurt would stay with me for a long time. I became very withdrawn, afraid of how I might be treated if I went out.

But over time, I gradually started to develop my self-esteem and self-confidence and I started to feel that I shouldn't waste my life just because of other people's attitudes towards me.

At the age of 16 I went to college and studied subjects such as film, media studies and photography. I started to research the representation of disfigured people in the media.

When I looked at how people with facial disfigurements are portrayed in films, well, no wonder people don't know how to react to us! Freddy Krueger in Nightmare on Elm Street, the Joker in Batman, the various scarred villains in gangster films... the list is endless.

Bad assumption

With stereotypes like that, it's hardly surprising that people assume that if you have a facial difference, there must be something 'different' or 'bad' about you in the inside too.

This was a huge turning point for me because I realised that facial disfigurement was not just a medical issue, but a social issue as well.

I realised that the reason why I was so unhappy was not because of my face, but the way some people would react to it. I decided that it wasn't my face that I wanted to change, but social attitudes. I'm not against plastic surgery. It's just that my personal choice is to not have it.

Now, at the age of 24, I'm used to seeing my face reflected back at me in the mirror and I'm okay with it. Though I could quite happily do without the headaches and double vision. I also dislike being physically unable to wink, but I've overcome this particular disability by doing a nice line in fluttering and blinking.

But my face is integral to who I am. The way people treat me and the way I've had to learn to live my life has created the person I am today.

Lack of imagination

I love the good genuine friends my face has brought me and I appreciate the way it's made me want to be a better person. I also have a boyfriend who thinks I look like a cat. I'm not quite sure if I agree with him, but I'm certainly not complaining!

Now, whenever a person says I'm ugly, I just pity them for their lack of imagination. For every person who calls me fat chin, I think 'Nah! It's just that you've got a really small weak one. Talk about chin envy!'

For every naturally curious stare I get, I give a friendly smile. And if they don't smile back within my 10-second time limit, I give them a very effective scowl.

Last week, walking in the street with my boyfriend, a man walked towards me and went 'Urghhhhhooooooh!'

Confrontation

It wasn't so much a word as a strange guttural sound, and the kind that only funny looking people could understand the subtext to. I was so angry that I confronted him.

I won't go into details of what I did but let's just say it's probably the last time he ever gives a strange guttural sound to a funny looking woman in the street ever again.

Two minutes later, as we were walking home, a homeless man came up to me asking for change. He asked me how I was. "Fine', I said and I told him what had just happened. There was a short pause. Then he smiled and said 'I hope you hurt him!' We all laughed.

It's funny how some strangers can be so cruel and hurtful, and yet others, the ones you'd least expect, the ones you would usually ignore and think nothing of, can be so warm and kind.

That pretty much sums up my life. I go from experiencing the worst in people to the very best, and often within the same five minutes! It makes my life more challenging, but also very interesting. I wouldn't want to change that for the world."

[Gregory_de_Bois]

I didn't know what I was expecting. I like her face. Sure, it's a little different, but I think it's beautiful. I like her. She has made a great point about what really needs to change: society and culture. YAY for God using her to show such things. He has given her great wisdom.

[ladyinred]

I can't imagine people being hateful and ugly to her and calling her names just because she has a facial disfigurement,I looked ath the photograph and I certainly didn't have any negative reactions about her, it was like ok, so she has a face disfigurement, so??Would I still want to get to know and talk to this person, sure. Would I treat her any differently from anyone else,no.

[u-dog]

Originally Posted by ladyinred

I can't imagine people being hateful and ugly to her and calling her names just because she has a facial disfigurement,I looked ath the photograph and I certainly didn't have any negative reactions about her, it was like ok, so she has a face disfigurement, so??Would I still want to get to know and talk to this person, sure. Would I treat her any differently from anyone else,no.

that you can't imagine it because you are a really fine and gentle person with a devine hunger for justice. and/or it could be becuase you are a lesbian and you know what it is like to be judged unfairly for what you are and can't change.

Is this perhaps part of the special and particular gift that glbt bring into the world?


Not making a point.... just wondering

[ladyinred]

Unfortunately it is all too human for people, all of us, to judge others by appearance without really knowing who they are and what's in their heart, our culture worships "beauty"' but not inner beauty as much.

[tdogg]

Originally Posted by u-dog

that you can't imagine it because you are a really fine and gentle person with a devine hunger for justice. and/or it could be becuase you are a lesbian and you know what it is like to be judged unfairly for what you are and can't change.

Is this perhaps part of the special and particular gift that glbt bring into the world?


Not making a point.... just wondering

I think U-dog that you are right on here. Those who have undergone the torment and torture that others can dish out, I believe are more compassionate and understanding and accepting because of what they went through. We know what it feels like on a certain level. Perhaps the specifics are different, but I imagine the emotions are very similar.

[ladyinred]

Yes, cruelty is torment no matter what the form, and LGBT people I think for the most part do have a sensitivity for the plight of others who have suffered.
Many people here branch out and are advocates for the poor, elderly,racial injustices ,the abused, disabled,homeless and aren't just centered only on our own affairs even though those are important issues. Perhaps that is our gift,knowing we are seen as "different" and are often marginalized by the so-called "normal" majority ( When they think it is justified to be cruel to people who are different)we tend to feel others pain and not just our own.

So I'd say being different is a good thing if it helps us connect with others and understand their struggles and problems and helps us stand up to injustices and prejudices, and it makes us much more sensitive caring people, nothing but good can come from that.We are more humane as well.

[ladyinred]

Besides being different is not the problem it is social and cultural attitudes that stigmatize people who are. In fact would any of us want to be declared "normal" if it meant that we held the same attitudes that perptetuate injustice and intolerance toward people who "Are not like us." Would we want to be "normal" if it meant being cruel and hateful toward those who were different.

Her face is again not the problem, those who reacted in such an unkind manner had the problem.. Otherwise the problem would not exist, she would just be another person who looked different, and that's all. It would be no biggie.

[ladyinred]

I suspect if everyone respected each individual regardless of their diffferences, we'd not have need of the civil rights movement or LGBT people would not have to stand up for their rights. Problems like that would just not exist, everyone would be valued for who they were. and for their individuality and not judged based on their skin color, or sexual preference ,or even their look.Sounds simple . But making it into reality is not.

I know one thing ,alot of suffering wouldn't exist either.People would also coexist more peacefully too.(Just think, what if gays and straights could sit in the same churches and have fellowship together or if a gay child could be best friends with a straight child with no animosity between them? No hatred and no fear directed at them? Huh? what problems ? I don't see any problems. They only exist because of the hatred and prejudices and fear, would we have to legislate hate crimes, if the violence and hate did not exist?)This alone should be a compelling argument for a more just and civilized world.

Hatred, fear and prejudices create more division.Anyone without the sense to see the detructive forces that these engender is blind.

[BrentRichards]

Originally Posted by tdogg

I think U-dog that you are right on here. Those who have undergone the torment and torture that others can dish out, I believe are more compassionate and understanding and accepting because of what they went through. We know what it feels like on a certain level. Perhaps the specifics are different, but I imagine the emotions are very similar.

She has said elsewhere (don't have the quote right to hand) that she believes her challenges have been beneficial in that her friends are good, kind, right-thinking people, because the jerks automatically filter themselves out ... interesting!

[tdogg]

Originally Posted by BrentRichards

She has said elsewhere (don't have the quote right to hand) that she believes her challenges have been beneficial in that her friends are good, kind, right-thinking people, because the jerks automatically filter themselves out ... interesting!

I found that happening to me as well. Eventually those who are so against me being who I am and in a same-gender relationship, one by one fell to the wayside and don't bother to communicate with me anyone (only to the extent necessary as they are some family too). When they decide I cannot be saved, they weed themselves out of my life.

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by BrentRichards

She has said elsewhere (don't have the quote right to hand) that she believes her challenges have been beneficial in that her friends are good, kind, right-thinking people, because the jerks automatically filter themselves out ... interesting!

YES!!!!Exactly! It's practically a motto of mine.

Brent, Tdogg, that's so true!! What this young woman finds, we all find. If you let people see who you are (or as in some cases, you have no choice) the jerks will weed themselves out. The people who go away are the ones you don't really want around anyway.

Life is really wonderful when you are surrounded by loving wonderful friends. Even my relationship with my parents has been improving over the years & I'm letting them see more of me as they respond well.

[Progo35]

I kind of like her face...it reminds me of a Picasso painting or a Much-in a good way. I can see the whole cat thing...glad that her boyfriend can, too!

[ladyinred]

When the jerks are weeded out, you would not want people like that for friends anyway. Reminds me of the ol' saying "with friends like that, who needs enemies." I wouldn't waste my time on the "jerks" , they aren't worth the breath or emotion. Yes and you find out who your true friends are, those who love and accept you as you are.
The thing is she decided against plastic surgery, perhaps that is her bold statement to society in saying I'm not the one who needs to change, so deal with it. And I say , yes, let them deal with it, after all it is really their problem not hers. She's fine with her face,it doesn't bother her. I say hurrah for her, she shows true courage and dignity.