When I wake from a dream

[tpdncr4christ]

My body is tired
I am exhausted...

I want...
to cry.
Not because I am sad,
or because I have laughed to much
But because I need release

I look at the screen
With the blank black pixels
Shinning in patterns
Forming cold words
That resound in my head
as harsh tones

I don't know your voice
I've never looked into your eyes
And yet somehow
For some reason
I judge you.

The hypocrisy swells in a torrent around me
And I hate it
And I loathe it
And I scream so loud I cannot hear myself
And I forget my name
Until I hear, "Breath... this isn't you."

And I listen
And I go away
And I relax
I don't think
I just live
And it is a nice dream
But I have to wake

And when I wake
I read my words
I look at the screen
With the blank black pixels
Shinning in patterns
Forming cold words
My words
That resound in my head
as harsh tones

And I breathe
Because this isn't me
But how would you know?
You don't know my voice
You've never looked into my eyes

That is the tragedy
That is the flaw
The residue left over

We cannot help
Being us

[tpdncr4christ]

So I did what I was supposed to. And I cam back, and re-read all my posts, and wrote this... I thought I should share it with y'all since you practically helped write it. I posted it for two reasons, 1 because I'm curious as to whether you like it and 2 because it serves as sort of an apology and an explanation to what was going on in my head... I hope...

Good night for now,
Austin

[Daniel]

It's time I went to dreamland myself. It's well into the wee hours as I write this.

Mr. Poem Man, I like it a lot. Very expressive. Sobering.

Forgive my editorial brain, but two thoughts come to mind.

The use of repeated text is wonderful. Sets up a nice rhythm. And the other thing is that I thought you could have ended with 'We cannot help being us.' What comes after that comes across- to me anyway- like commentary.

It's probably the deepest things you've shared here. Keep it up.

[BenL]

Austin,

Thanks for sharing this deeply personal poem. To me, it's a prayer of the soul. Very moving.

And welcome back. Please know that you never have to apologize to family for absences. Life happens the way it happens. We all need time away sometimes. Or sometimes life obligations take us away. Know that we're here, thinking about you, praying for you, supporting you when you can't participate.

[scott snedeker]

Originally Posted by tpdncr4christ

My body is tired
I am exhausted...

I want...
to cry.
.............

because I need release

...............

I judge you.
[ My words
That resound in my head
as harsh tones]
The hypocrisy swells in a torrent around me
...............................
[That is the flaw
The residue left over]


__________________________________________________ ______________

[And here's my release]


I don't think
I just live


We cannot help
Being us

And it is a nice dream
But I have to wake

.

Again you have put in to poetry the healing that art can provide to gay folks like us! You are following our fine tradition as gay folk.

I chopped up the verses to look at your message upside-down and the teaching of Don Miguel Ruiz author of The Four Agreements rings loudly in my head. You can find this book at Barnes and Noble. I think your a primed for the spiritual growth his message can give you.


Keep writing and please keep sharing Austin!

[u-dog]

Austin,

You are always able to help me drink from the deep well of my own sadness... and joy. The poem is sweet. NOT sweet like a cute little boy who needs a pat on the head, but sweet like a ripe peach just off the tree on a warm summer afternoon. Deeply, deliciously, apocalyptically sweet.

But for once (and I promise it will never happen again) I agree with Daniel... it needs to end with 'We cannot help being us.'

[Dash]

I like it.

The melody of your thoughts is lovely. You write with dexterity and grace. There is a genuine rhythm...a beat...that guides the reader through each soulful moment. It invokes a vision in the mind, as well as physical and aural sensations. There is an expressive arc...a crescendo, climax, a diminuendo and a ritardando...that carries the reader...lifting one gently through to the end.

It has the qualities of fine art...of music...dance...painting.

Beyond that...the subject matter is authentic, engaging, and (IMO) wholly substantive and widely relevant.

Bravo!

[BrentRichards]

Beautiful, Austin ... nothing as beautiful as authenticity. Thanks for sharing it!

[tdogg]

Austin,

You are, definitely, a poet. Poetry is such a great release of our emotions. Don't ever stop writing.

Glad you're 'back'!

[tpdncr4christ]

it does work better without the last stanza... thanks.

[nmwolfboy]

Just beautiful, Austin. Thanks for sharing this.

Pax

scott

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by tpdncr4christ

My body is tired
I am exhausted...

I want...
to cry.
Not because I am sad,
or because I have laughed to much
But because I need release

I look at the screen
With the blank black pixels
Shinning in patterns
Forming cold words
That resound in my head
as harsh tones

I don't know your voice
I've never looked into your eyes
And yet somehow
For some reason
I judge you.

The hypocrisy swells in a torrent around me
And I hate it
And I loathe it
And I scream so loud I cannot hear myself
And I forget my name
Until I hear, "Breath... this isn't you."

And I listen
And I go away
And I relax
I don't think
I just live
And it is a nice dream
But I have to wake

And when I wake
I read my words
I look at the screen
With the blank black pixels
Shinning in patterns
Forming cold words
My words
That resound in my head
as harsh tones

And I breathe
Because this isn't me
But how would you know?
You don't know my voice
You've never looked into my eyes

That is the tragedy
That is the flaw
The residue left over

We cannot help
Being us

THIS was one of my favorite pieces!!! I love this... I think just about anyone can relate... and it touches me deeply (you can just hear the whole thing playing through your head)