Hello my name is Chad

[ChadePrice]

I'm an Okie by birth, but thanks to the greatest man I've ever met, I now live in the great state of Texas. I'm 33, a Sophomore in college (late bloomer) and was raised the youngest of 4 by a single mother. Mostly we went to the Methodist Church, but remained members of the Baptist Church across the street. In a small town everyone knows your business, mom dated a little and from time to time the old women of the church would kind of make it hard for mom and we would start sitting closer to the doors. Eventually we got so close to the doors that we wouldn't even open them up, we kids would go sit with the grandparents in the Methodist Church and we'd walk home afterwards to mom cooking lunch.

Mom has been married 4 times now, first one was a drunk. She stayed pregnant to make him stay away from her when he got to drinking too much, he finally just stayed away for good when I was about 3. A couple years later, she married a Southern Baptist Minister. Jim was the greatest thing we could have gotten, or so we thought. Jim was previously a missionary in Bolivia, and came back hooked on all kinds of drugs, then married my mother. LOL Let the fun begin......

Jim lasted about 11 months I believe (was 7 when we left). Jim would spend most of his days (and nights) in a little shack out behind the parsonage with his CB and HAM radios, he also had cameras throughout the house so that he could keep an eye on us heathen children. He even legally adopted us so that the church would not criticize him for being married 8 or 9 times, that's how my name became Price. I could tell you stories about that 11 months, but it would end up being a 4 inch thick book, maybe I'll write that one someday.

Mom remarried my dad, times were good. Mom had a great job, only 3 of us living at home, oldest brother in college and we had a nice home. Dad was off the liquor and drugs and the go to the Methodist Church and say their I do's. It lasted 6 weeks, he would get off work on Wednesdays and go to church with some of his co-workers. We went to pick up the pizza (in another town) and found dad's car at the church (local bar). The next night, his clothes were in trashbags on the front porch and the locks changed. I believe I was 13 at that time.

Mom dates for a few years, we don't go to church anymore except for Easter and Mother's Day. I turn 22 and I'm the ony one in the family not married (except mom) and I come home to visit and bring my best friend and co-worker LaJeana. Mom being mom, assumes that LaJeana is my girlfriend and makes her comments about blue-eyed grandbabies and whadayaknow? I'm hitched to LaJeana two months later, at the same time my roommate who I had been madly in love with for two years (he didn't know) had to move out and LaJeana moved in. Wedding night thoughts: what the heck have I done, I'm gay!

Marriage to LaJeana lasted about 4 years only because she was running from bill collectors and I by the time I was having her served papers, she had allready moved. Bythis time, I had managed a failed relationship with my first boyfriend and was living in Fort Worth with the biggest liar and cheat that ever looked great in pair of Wranglers.

Charles, hmmmmm, he's the best! Sweet, caring, cautious and full of so much love and devotion. Charles came into my life during a time when I thought the life that I was living was the best it was gonna ever get and I was almost hating the fact that I was gay and who knows what else was going through my mind, it was a bad time. I couldn't be straight, I couldn't make any relationship work, my brother who is only a year older than me starts chemo for the first time and everyone has found God (which is a good thing) but they actually kidnapped him and were holding him for ransom.

Everyone got back into church and every once in a while I would go if my brother invited me. I went about once a month for a year, and enjoyed spending that time with my family, but (there is always a but in this type of story) somehow, the preacher must have sensed a sinner in the congregation every time that I would go., he would get up and roar his sermon towards where me and the family were sitting, and eventually would start spouting scripture about gays and lesbians, and would look at my brother and think; is this really worth sitting through just to be able to spend time with a sick person! I didn't think so, and I stopped going. I asked mom if he preached about that every time, she said only when I was there. hmmmm!

Charles and I are doing great at this time and he talks me into going to The Cathedral of Hope, which I believe has the largest gay congregation in the US. We go almost every Sunday for quite a while and it feels good to be with him, hear about God and love, see couples of women and couples of men and sometimes straight couples taking communion together holding hands and singing with beautiful voices. Then the sermons start turning into money hungry your sinning if your not giving more than you can kind of thing. I admit it, we have a good life, we party with our friends and spend a little more on ourselves than we should, but we do give to the church, we donate to organizations that we belong to, but I just can't stand to be told that I'm not being a good enough christian, just because we don't give more than we allready do. I say we, but I mean he, Charles is the breadwinner in our house. Like I said before, I'm a 33 year old Sophomore in college, and that comes out of my pocket. I don't qualify for grants or financial aid, I don't want loans that charge interest so high, and what if I don't get a job within 6 months of graduation that keeps me from paying it back on time. I don't want that option. I actually make less than my monthly bills if you add in tuition and books, Charles pays for a lot of that as well. I get depressed at times because I have to ask him for help when my book bill is $500.00 or if tuition goes up. I usually give in and spill my guts about all of it, and he reassures me that everything is fine, he won't let me drop out because it's something I am passionate about. He doesn't want me to work extra hours, I allready spend enough time away from him as it is, working nights and Saturdays, which at one time was our favorite day to spend all morning in bed cuddling, or watching a movie on the couch, inviting friends over for dinner or just going for walks or riding our bikes.

Charles reminds me from time to time that his loans have no interest and when he retires, I will be the one that he will be asking for money. It all works out in the end, sharing.

My mom told me one time that all she saw from gay people was that they were just a bunch of needy dramatic folks and that all relationships would end because both persons would be so selfish that it wouldn't work. I get a little frustrated at times when she wants to call and talk about her relationship problems, I often want to talk about mine but she doesn't want to hear it.

About 10 years ago, I asked her why she was getting married again. Her answer shocked me. "I'm scared that I will die alone, I'll fall in the bathtub some day, break a hip or knock myself unconscious, and nobody will know that I am dead". Now that's a miserable life and an awful reason to get married. She can't stand her husband, he's a psychologist and a drunk. He doesn't like her, she's almost 70, she is not young and cute, or a blonde. But she supplies him with a place to live and store his beer, and she has someone to find her if she dies. I want more than that, I want what I have! I wouldn't have it if I was still married to LaJeana, we would have destroyed each other by now.

If you read this, it means that you have a wonderful attention span or that I didn't delete it.

If you don't read this, it means that you have ADD, don't care to read that much, or that I deleted it!

Allways want more,
Chad

[u-dog]

That's quite a story. thanks for sharing it with us. This is a good place, full of good people. Feel free to jump into conversations.

[paul]

Dear Chad,

I will bet most people here will read the whole story, it's just that kind of group. Welcome, and thanks for sharing your self, at least we won't have to pull teeth with you! I look forward to hearing more, and btw, invite the hubby along too...we're a family oriented site kiddo.
paul

[BrentRichards]

Chad

Yes, I read your whole story ... and pieces sound very familiar ... you'll find lots of listening ears here.

Particularly sorry to hear of your experience of Cathedral of Hope. I've only heard good things about it up until now.

Jump right in, we look forward to getting to know you.

Brent

[Zerbie]

Wow. what a story!

Chad, welcome. You've found a great bunch of friends here.

Keep up with school, get your degree, and some day, just as Charles says, the tables may be reversed. Sounds like you found a caring partner. That can take a while, especially if you learned all about how to be in bad relationships, but not about how to be in a good one.

Keep learning and keep striving for better. If you don't give up, those better things will eventually come. In fact, it sounds like things have started getting better already.

Best wishes.

[Gennee]

Welcome to Soulforce, Chad. Wow, that's quite a story. Thank you for sharing it.

Hang in there with your studies. I went back to college in 2002 at age fifty-four. I will completed my studies in December with a bachelor's degree in childhood education. My goal is to teach, write, and tutor.I also plan to pursue a master's degree.

Gennee

[Pablo Rafael]

Chad,

I appreciated hearing your story. Thanks. I hope you will join in our conversations. I look forward to hearing more from you.

Tu Amigo, Pablo

[elcharrom]

I love reading bout peoples lives , dont give up man, dont give up , oh and welcome to the forums

[Jennifer5]

Welcome Chad, glad to have you here!

What an amazing story, you sound like you've been through a lot and are an incredible person with an incredible partner!

Hope you stick around, we're glad to have you here!

[Blockwell]

Welcome to the forum Chad.

That was quite an introduction. I do enjoy an interesting life-story, and yours was well…very interesting to say the least. If you ever want to become a ‘drama-queen’ you sure have a lot of material to work with.

I was also late bloomer when it comes to my education. I was 45 years old when I got my bachelors degree in accounting. It took me 24 years at four community colleges to finish my first semester and just three years complete my degree when I went back to school full time in January of 2003. My partner was also instrumental in helping me finish my degree. While I did have some money from my parent’s estate to help pay for my education, I would not have been able to swing it without the financial help of my partner. Learning how to accept this gift from him turned out to be an extremely important life lesson for me. My partner makes good money and we could easily make ends meet on his salary alone while I went to school, but somehow in the back of mind it made me uncomfortable; like I was using him somehow. The fact that he is seven years my junior made it even more difficult for me. My partner loves me and wanted to see me achieve my goal, but my pride and desire to maintain my independence put a strain on our relationship. Until I went back to school we had kept our finances separate and I kept insisting that we keep close track of ‘how much I owed him’ for my education so I could pay him back. In my mind I was telling him “I will not abuse your generosity” but in his mind I was saying “Once I am finished with school who knows what will happen, I may decided to move on, but don’t worry, I will pay you back.”

Sometimes people we love actually do want to see us succeed. When a gift is offered from someone we love, accept it with grace and sincerely use the gift for its intended purpose. Show him through your works that his gift is bearing fruit, but don’t keep reminding him that you will pay him back. It sets the tone that the gift was a monetary transaction rather than an expression of love and commitment.

My partner was smart enough to see what was going on in my head. He sat me down one evening during my first semester back at school and told me he wanted to combine our finances; he was tired of calculating who owes who what anymore. We decided that everything we own was “ours,” and that my educational costs were an investment in “our” future together.

I got my degree and have been working for 18 months now. I still only make a third of what my partner makes, but I no longer feel like I am financially indebted to him. What I feel now is a determination to make my degree work for “us.”

Blockwell

[sailaway58]

Well now I have read two interesting stories on this thread. The candor is refreshing and helpful to all. My life is much different than yours but relating to struggle, relationship issues and feelings of inadequacy are shared life experiences that unite us as one in Christ. We should share the low points that we have come out of to offer hope to those still in the middle of the struggle and we should celebrate the highs to remind ourselves that life can be good.
Sometimes we don't share to find answers or to give them but we just want people to understand that today this is just where I am, can you love me anyway?
God bless you in your journey and welcome to Soulforce!

[pnggrad79]

Wow Chad, what a story. Sadly, it doesn't sound all that unusual. I am a teacher and some of my kids at school have similar experiences... but I digress. Anyway, it sounds like you have found your soulmate with Charles and I hope the two of you take your past experiences and forge a new experience out of the pain and mistakes. You can't go back, but you can go forward and you only have this life to make it count. Sorry for the cliches, but some do hold truth. I am sorry about your experience at Cathedral of Hope. I hope they have not gone the way of straight churches and are only in it for the money.

There are plenty of good gay churches in the Dallas area. Seek out a more welcoming congregation and I hope and pray that someday you find a place of healing and love.

Welcome and God bless you.

[u-dog]

This is only going to be a LITTLE off topic. As someone who is "in the business" I have noticed that it is easy to complain that "the church just wants my money" The reality is that we live in a world where money is essential to getting things done. If a church has an aggressive, outward focused, intensive mission to accomplish (as Cathedral of Hope clearly does!) then it needs to have an aggressive, outward focused, and intensive stewardship focus and it needs to challenge its members and participants to INVEST in that mission and ministry -- with their time, their talents, and their resources. That is the ONLY WAY THAT IMPORTANT MINISTRY GETS DONE!! Salaries need to get paid, light bills need to be paid, parking lots need to be paved, roofs need to be replaced. If the church has a ministry to feed the hungry... food needs to be aquired. If the church has an advocacy ministry then billboards, newspaper ads, websites, book publishing, public meetings, demonstrations, sit-ins, ALL HAVE TO BE PAID FOR! God IS good all the time but as a rule he doesn't rain pennies from heaven to pay for ministry ... marshalling the resources is OUR JOB.

I am not criticizing or judging you Chad because ... I don't know you, but in my experience there is a point in a persons relationship to a church where they have not yet decided to commit and invest in the ministry of the church but the call to invest is beginning to register as a "tug" on them personally. This has a way of increasing the persons anxiety and reducing their level of comfort. The natural human response to rising anxiety is resentment against the force that is causing the tension and anxiety to increase.

May I suggest that as an alternative to blaming the church for "being only interested in my money" you might explore your own heart as to why the challenge to invest is causing you anxiety? It could be any of a number of things.

1. maybe you don't really share or believe in the mission of the organization
2. maybe you don't trust the organizations leadership
3. maybe you are afraid of losing something important if you invest in this ministry
4. maybe you are not ready to give up the things that your donations could buy if you spent the money on yourself instead?
5. maybe you are afraid of the spiritual change or investment that might follow once you make the financial investment.
6. maybe the challenge to "do more" for the church triggers an old "tape" from your childhood and you experience as "guilt" what is in fact just a challenge. I know that I always react with annoyance when I think someone is guilting me into something -- even if they really arent.

My point is that the feeling of annoyance and resentment is a signal that SOMETHING important is going on INSIDE of you. An important step in your spiritual development and maturity will be to figure out what the something is.

Dave

[Assured]

Welcome To Soulforce Chad

I read your story and admire that you are endeavouring to KEEP IT REAL....keep on...keeping on!!

[ChadePrice]

Just ran across this... and boy, how time speeds by.

I thought it also needed an update. Charles and I are still at it after 6 wonderful years, I now have my BA in Human Relations and about to start a MA in Higher Education at Southern Methodist University. We bought a house in October of 2010 and have been in constant renovation ever since... almost done and it's looking pretty good! I guess we traded one Oak for another, from Oak Lawn to Oak Cliff!

The brother who had cancer passed away about a month after my original post (Sept 10, 2007).

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by ChadePrice

Just ran across this... and boy, how time speeds by.

I thought it also needed an update. Charles and I are still at it after 6 wonderful years, I now have my BA in Human Relations and about to start a MA in Higher Education at Southern Methodist University. We bought a house in October of 2010 and have been in constant renovation ever since... almost done and it's looking pretty good! I guess we traded one Oak for another, from Oak Lawn to Oak Cliff!

The brother who had cancer passed away about a month after my original post (Sept 10, 2007).

Congrats on the degree and relationship!

Very sorry to hear about your brother's passing.

Wishing you the best.

[esp]

Aloha Chad,
I was very touched by your wonderfully Blessed Life. You have so much to be thankful for. May all those blessings continue to flow to you.
Aloha no....

[Gennee]

Thank you for the update, Chad. Congratulations on completing your studies.

You have my condolences on your brother's passing.

Gennee

[selva12]

Happy welcome to soulforce and thanks for sharing the story

[bnmoore]

Originally Posted by u-dog

6. maybe the challenge to "do more" for the church triggers an old "tape" from your childhood and you experience as "guilt" what is in fact just a challenge. I know that I always react with annoyance when I think someone is guilting me into something -- even if they really arent.

My point is that the feeling of annoyance and resentment is a signal that SOMETHING important is going on INSIDE of you. An important step in your spiritual development and maturity will be to figure out what the something is.

Dave

Our choir has a concert coming up on September 30th. We have to sell tickets. I asked Penelope our choir director if we could "guilt" people into buying them and she said "Absolutely". It was hysterically funny. We don't play fear based bullshit and we know it. I may buy a dozen or so myself and give them away. The money still goes to the church and we all know how much it's costing us to bring in the outside talent that's joining us.

Of course I'd go for naughty and say "Use the pretty ones as bait". It works. That's what got me to join the choir.