My Two Cents

[BenL]

BOOKS:

She's not there: a life in two genders by Jennifer Finney Boylan. (New York: Broadway Books, 2003) While this is an autobiography by a male-to-female transsexual (MTF), not an FTM (female-to-male), it is an excellent exploration of a trans person's life and thinking from childhood on. It is very accessible to the general reader who has no background in trans issues.

Just add hormones: an insider's guide to the transsexual experience by Matt Kailey. (Boston, Beacon Press, 2005) Written by an FTM, it is a combination of overall information about transgender issues and a humorous account of one transman's experiences. I like this book because it takes the mystique out of being trans and manages to poke a little fun at it as well. Matt is also a speaker and trainer. See his Web site: www.mattkailey.com

Becoming a visible man by Jamison Green. (Nashville: Vanderbilt University Press, 2004) This is a comprehensive account of Green's lifelong journey into manhood. It's chock full of information about trans rights; medical transition, including hormone treatments and surgeries; and a male coming-of-age account. I'm a bio male, and I learned something about my own manhood and masculinity from reading this book.

Transgender journeys by Virginia Ramey Mollenkott and Vanessa Sheridan. (Cleveland: Pilgrim Press, 2003) I haven't read this one yet, but it comes highly recommended, as do both authors. It is on general trans issues and not specifically FTM.

Transgendering faith: identity, sexuality and spirituality edited by Leanne McCall Tigert and Maren C. Tirabassi. (Cleveland: Pilgrim Press, 2004) This is a complilation of life stories and essays and is especially good for clergy and church members who want to learn how to incorporate trans people into their congregations. It transcends the medical model and looks for the divine in the trans experience. Includes prayers and rites for use with transgender people.

WEB SITES:

FTMInternational Serves the female-to-male community around the world. Founded by Louis Sullivan, a gay transman. This organization figures heavily in Jamison Green's life and is recounted in his book.

National Center for Transgender Equality lead advocacy organization for transgender rights nationally.

Hudson's FTM Resource Guide A comprehensive and authoritative guide to all the nitty-gritty issues of being FTM, from passing to packing, grooming to legal questions.

FTM Australia Lots of pages here for family, friends and allies, as well as solid information for FTMs. Some of the legal and medical stuff is understandably focused on Australia and New Zealand.

Hope this helps.

[pnggrad79]

Ben,
I will forward these wonderful sites to my wishful thinking FTM friend and maybe that can be of some assistance to her and her partner. I don't know what's kosher, calling her a her instead of him? I don't know what is insensitive and what is the correct pronoun to use with my friend. I know how desperately she wants to be a man, but until anatomically it changes, what should I call *her*? What is the correct verbage?

[BenL]

Originally Posted by pnggrad79

Ben,
I will forward these wonderful sites to my wishful thinking FTM friend and maybe that can be of some assistance to her and her partner. I don't know what's kosher, calling her a her instead of him? I don't know what is insensitive and what is the correct pronoun to use with my friend. I know how desperately she wants to be a man, but until anatomically it changes, what should I call *her*? What is the correct verbage?

It's up to the person which pronouns to use. When your friend asks you to switch, then do so. Or when your friend presents as male, make the switch without being asked.

It's trickier for FTMs than it is for MTFs. Women crossdress routinely. They wear pants and jeans and men's dress shirts etc. Short haircuts are also routine, not just in the lesbian community. When an MTF puts on a skirt or a dress, you know for sure that she wants to be addressed as woman. When an FTM puts on a suit and tie, that's a pretty good bet he wants to be treated as a man.

There's a lot of ambiguity in between. If you're not sure, ask ... in a non-threatening way, of course. Your friend may hold off, out of respect for her partner, or just out of uncertainty. The days when your friend is deciding what to do and the androgynous time early in transition are the most difficult for you to know how to act. Let the trans person take the lead. Your friendship and respect are more important than knowing the "rules."