This Just In

[paul]

Bush Seeks to Ban Marriage Between Fictitious Gay Characters
Harry Potter Revelation Prompts President’s Move

Just days after “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling revealed that the popular professor character Albus Dumbledore was gay, President George W. Bush told the nation that he would seek a ban on fictitious gay weddings.

In a nationally televised address last night, Mr. Bush said that he devote the rest of his term in office to obtaining a constitutional amendment banning marriage between fictitious gay characters.

“In order to protect the sanctity of marriage in the real world, we must first protect the sanctity of marriage in fiction,” Mr. Bush said. “This is the most pressing goal of my Administration – even more important than bombing Iran.”

While the president’s address was for the most part consistent with his earlier statements on gay marriage, it was uncharacteristic in that it demonstrated an awareness of books.

And in attacking the Mr. Dumbledore’s right to wed, Mr. Bush may have raised the ire of one of the most militant constituencies in the U.S.: Harry Potter fans.

Jude Ralston, 34, one of over 5,000 Potter devotees who dressed as Dumbledore to protest the president’s speech outside the White House last night, said that Mr. Bush could be playing with fire: “Harry Potter fans take these things very seriously, and we don’t have anything else going on in our lives.”

As for Dumbledore’s gayness, Mr. Ralston said that he had overlooked obvious clues the first time he read the books: “I, like, totally missed that scene in the airport bathroom.”

borowitzreport.com

[andrewlittle]

... but I like this one more.

http://borowitzreport.com/archive_rp...rec=6785&srch=

[paul]

Originally Posted by andrewlittle

... but I like this one more.

http://borowitzreport.com/archive_rp...rec=6785&srch=

Okay Andy, that was good too.

But then you'd expect it to be funnier when it's farther from reality?

[scott snedeker]

I swallowed it hook, line and sinker!! GRRRRRRR!!!!!

[BruceChris]

Mr. Bush has shown us time and again that dealing with things fictitious is what he spends most of his time at, and it is definitely what he does best.

P&L, BC

[pnggrad79]

I would like a constitutional ban on George W.Bush and his stupidity!!!! OMG!!! Could he be any more stupid than to put something like that into the Constitution. A piece of fiction? Is he serious? He is a blithering moron! But I guess I am stating the obvious! How much longer do we have to put up with this idiot?

[labguy22]

http://www.bushslastday.com/

He can do a lot of damage in 14 months though!!!

[scott snedeker]

Hey Pn grad and labguy! this is not real sweeties! It's satire! Unless I'm mistaken!

because the rest is obviously satire!

[scott snedeker]

Here is a patched excerpt:


In a nationally televised address last night, Mr. Bush said that he devote the rest of his term in office to obtaining a constitutional amendment banning marriage between fictitious gay characters.

But read the next paragraph!

“In order to protect the sanctity of marriage in the real world, we must first protect the sanctity of marriage in fiction,” Mr. Bush said. “This is the most pressing goal of my Administration – even more important than bombing Iran.” .....................

Now read the last line of the report honey bunnies!!!!


Elsewhere, a national survey of slutty nurses shows that they are undecided about what to go as for Halloween.


Don't feel bad. I was suckered into believing in too!!!!!!

[hippie4lyfe]

haha! that is funny! the sad truth is I would not be surprised if George wanted a constitutional amendment banning the mention of homosexuality in literature. Maybe we should have a don't ask don't tell policy on fictional characters.

[labguy22]

I was so pissed off after reading the story. Then while out walking it came to me that this had to be a joke. What was so frightening was how easily I could see it as happening for real. Forget the war, immigration and health care and make this the number one issue for this administration...Scary stuff!!! But in retrospect very funny and I definitely fell for it.
Thanks Paul for the best Halloween scare. Thanks to you others for setting me straight...well so to speak.

[tpdncr4christ]

this is a joke? someone please say it is a joke.

[hippie4lyfe]

its a joke guys come on, but with our numnut president it could be reality in a few days. It would not shock me!