Convertion therapy - Help

[Lek]

A friend of mine in the US has asked for advice about a 16-year-old lesbian who is being forced into conversion therapy by her parents. Somehow, I don't think that this is legal, but what do I know? A Google search doesn't seem to be coming up with much help.

Does anyone have any advice I can give? Any resources?

I appreciate it.

[Steven E. Webster]

Originally Posted by Lek

A friend of mine has asked for advice about a 16-year-old lesbian who is being forced into conversion therapy by her parents. Somehow, I don't think that this is legal, but what do I know? A Google search doesn't seem to be coming up with much help.

Does anyone have any advice I can give? Any resources?

I appreciate it.

I believe your profile indicates you reside somewhere in Southeast Asia. Alot depends on the legal situation in your own locale.

!6 year-olds in many of the United States are minors and unfortunately their parents can coerce them into therapy even though that is not a very good idea.

Steven Webster

[u-dog]

Originally Posted by Lek

A friend of mine in the US has asked for advice about a 16-year-old lesbian who is being forced into conversion therapy by her parents. Somehow, I don't think that this is legal, but what do I know? A Google search doesn't seem to be coming up with much help.

Does anyone have any advice I can give? Any resources?

I appreciate it.

You might try contacting the ACLU or LAMBDA or HRC to see if they have any leads or info on this.

[Lek]

I appreciate the time you took to response U-dog and Steven. I've passed this information along.

According to the girl, her mother has "a list of 8 conversion therapists that will 'convert me back to being straight'. I don't have a choice in the matter, and I'm going whether I want to or not. ... I heard that conversion therapy can be very damaging. I loathe to admit this, but I'm frightened."

Thanks again.

[Steven E. Webster]

Originally Posted by Lek

I appreciate the time you took to response U-dog and Steven. I've passed this information along.

According to the girl, her mother has "a list of 8 conversion therapists that will 'convert me back to being straight'. I don't have a choice in the matter, and I'm going whether I want to or not. ... I heard that conversion therapy can be very damaging. I loathe to admit this, but I'm frightened."

Thanks again.

Stupid me, I missed that you were writing about a United States friend. Depending on the State and the situation, you might have very good reason to be frightened. Part of the problem is the extent to which a young person of 16 can be very much dependent on their parents for support. (She may need their support until she completes a college education even).

If she actually has a choice among these therapists--she might want to choose very carefully. She might want to choose the one who is the least coercive. If all she has to do is have a periodic visit for talk therapy, and she is not forced cut off contact with other persons in her life (like you)--she might be able to "keep her parents happy" while not suffering too much. She may need to fake compliance with the therapy to keep the therapist and family happy. Since she's being given a choice among these therapists, she should choose carefully.

She may want to reach out to more sympathetic authority figures--an LGBT-friendly school counselor maybe? Such a person might keep her sane while she's seeing the "conversion therapist." It's sad to have to suggest that she construct a "double life" to survive until she no longer depends on her parents, but life on her own at 16 could be even more disastrous.

One teenager blogged about his situation in some kind of residential treatment facility that claimed to "cure" LGBT persons--my recollection was that there was some public uproar as a result and the facility was forced to stop "treating" LGBT teenagers. I'm not sure how things turned out for the boy, however.

Nothing is hopeless---but things can be difficult. Proceed with caution.

Steven Webster

[paul]

Lek

You may wish to check out www.exgaywatch.com
lots of good stuff there.

[seifer_boy]

"Gay conversion" is a very dangerous thing to do. For one, the "therapists" are trained by the place doing it, so they are not real therapists. The damage done during and after a "conversion" can be very severe. From what I understand, it results in suicides. Worse even, if a teen commits suicide and the parents are really religious, often times they will say something like "God chose to take her away before she can sin anymore" or something just as stupid.

If the parents were really sorry for what they done when taking the teen to one of these programs, and the teen commits suicide, the organization can be sued for wrongful death and mental anguish, (if any contracts they sign says otherwise).

If the parents seem like they were glad the teen died "for their sins", the parents can have CPS called on them if they have any other children living with them. Forcing a teen to do something they don't want to do is another form of child abuse, and that means that the other children could be in danger at some point in their lives if the parents are really twisted. I believe the parents could also have a part in wrongful death because they forced their child into the situation in the first place.

[antiochian]

I don't understand how anyone would do that to their child. Sick, sick, sick! The blood of those suicides is on NARTH's hands! (The ex gay therapy network is called NARTH, right?)

I remember an article in OUT some years back about one of the bigwigs of Exodus International getting caught in a gay bar. He said he just needed to use the bathroom.

Funny thing is this wasn't long after my folks had heard him speak at some big convention in the twin cities. Point is, you can't change a tiger's stripes.

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by antiochian

I don't understand how anyone would do that to their child. Sick, sick, sick! The blood of those suicides is on NARTH's hands! (The ex gay therapy network is called NARTH, right?)

I'm fairly sure NARTH is just one ex-gay organization among many under separate leaderships.

I remember an article in OUT some years back about one of the bigwigs of Exodus International getting caught in a gay bar. He said he just needed to use the bathroom.

.

John Paulk.

[tymejumper]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

John Paulk.

The book about him and the ex-gay therapy is called "Anything But Straight" I have the book and it is very good.

[Progo35]

I wonder if some LGBT friendly pastors could write letters to the parents? Perhaps hearing a different interpretation of the Bible on this matter from a traditionally trusted source would help change their minds about this?

Yes, I agree, she should definitely find someone who can shephard her through this, whether that be a school counselor, etc.

You know, a friend of mine used to work of the Anti Defamation League and the Gay Straight Alliance at our high school. I'll email him and see if he has any ideas.

[Kris Johnson]

Not sure if this young lady is still dealing with her parents and their desire for her to undergo this process,- which would more appropriately be labeled abuse-. The last person to reply to this thread wondered if contact with a GLBT friendly pastor would help.

I am a pastor and a PFLAG mom. If I can be of any assistance, please feel free to contact me. Besides my son who is out, I have a young female relative who is struggling with whether and how to talk to her own mother who is a very fundamentalist Catholic. Adolescence is hard enough without adding this kind of nonsense to a young persons plate.

I hope to hear from you, soon, Lek.
Kris

[HarmlessEccentric]

I'd connect her with her local PFLAG branch, which might be able to connect her with help in her area. It's hard to advise without knowing the girl or her family. Does she have a legal right to refuse treatment in her state? If she refuses treatment, is she likely to be thrown out or harmed? Does she have other family she can go to for a few years, until she's ready to be on her own? She's in a crappy position, and what she could really use are some good gay role models she can turn to for comfort until she's old enough to support herself.