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#1
03-20-2008, 07:29 AM
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Telling...
To make a long story short, my mother practically forced my bisexuality out of me. I cried and tried to explain everything that I was thinking, hoping that she would listen and understand - and, on the off chance, accept me for who I am.
To her credit, she didn't kick me out... she didn't yell or scream. But what she did... hurts worse, I think. She keeps telling me how confused I am, that what I'm feeling isn't real and how it'll pass. She doesn't even want me to think about being "gay", and she definitely thinks that there is no such thing as "bisexuality". I really don't know what I'm trying to say, and I guess this is rambling... But... I guess what I was hoping for was for her to love or, on the bad side, hate me for who I am - not try and convince both of us that I'm not. I want to be myself, and I'm just afraid to do that now. ~lost and confused, Casey
__________________
 If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.
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#2
03-20-2008, 07:40 AM
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Casey,
Your mom does indeed love you, or there might not have been any reaction at all! It sounds like she's been suspecting this for some time, but having it confirmed now brings out all of these emotions. Her perception of you, her dreams of what she wanted for your life are shattered (for the moment) and it may take some time for her to process this stuff. Remember, you've had a head start here, she'll be playing catch up. It may be messy for a while. Truth is like that. Can you love her through this? I remember when I first came out, I would tell people that I am the same person I was, YOU just have new information about me. Your mom has new information, and it is significant. It's going to take a while to incorporate it. {{{{{  }}}}} hugs to you!
__________________
Tolerate one another, just as I have tolerated you.- Jesus Christ?
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#4
03-20-2008, 08:04 AM
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Keltic,
That was some excellent insight. Casey, Another angle here. I think one of the most hurtful things we encounter when we come out is the response that "you" are confused. As Keltic pointed out, you have had a head start. Given the general attitude of the cultures most of us have been raised in, we really are confused when we begin to realize we are BLGT. We don't fit in with the status quo. Once we live with it for awhile, we begin to realize "hey, this is how I am." Gradually we become less confused because we realize that much of what our culture says about us is simply not true. Where I am going with this is, "you" are not confused...at least, not in the way your mom thinks. The truth is, she is the confused one. I hope in time, as Keltic says, you will be able to love her through this. You can only do that if you are secure in who you are. She may kick against that because she is convinced you are the confused one, not her. Be true to yourself Casey. No one else can or should define who you are. paul
__________________
You are the world Krishnamurti
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#6
03-20-2008, 08:27 AM
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Ah Dear Casey,
Sometimes we have to fight not to be alone...the world is full of the wounded. We need to learn to use our wounds to understand and make medicine for the similarly wounded. You are not alone. I am glad you had the courage to open up and persevere to be seen/heard. paul
__________________
You are the world Krishnamurti
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#7
03-20-2008, 11:10 AM
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That is sad - I think I understand. There was a disaster with my mom when I was really young and told her the same thing. The response was different, but I know how unsettling it is for your own mother to act like you are some kind of strange alien. Or, in your case, to say that your feelings point to something strange and alien that does not exist, when in fact you know that it does.
You know what you feel. Your mom does not. I'm sorry for the distance this is creating between you.  Stay open. Things change with time. For the moment:
__________________
*** Never linger too long with the ignorant, throw stones at their talk. Walk only with the lovers, the mirror of the soul gets rusty when dipped in muddy water. -Rumi
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#8
03-20-2008, 11:27 AM
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Fears
Hi Casey,
At some point you may want to put a bug in your mom's ear. Consider asking her the followoing: "The problem may not be that I am bisexual by nature. For the sake of discussion let's consider that your discomfort with me being bisexual is a phobia of yours. Fear, dislike or discomfort with same-sex intimacy is called homophobia. "Why are you uncomfortable with same-sex intimacy?" "Why do you feel that same-sex intimacy is bad?" "Where did this fear come from?" "This was this from your upbringing. You were told this was a bad thing. There are no biblical passages prohibiting sex between women. So this is from the opinions of church leaders only, isn't it." "Making a decision based on fear causes good people to do awful things, cowardly things, unforgivable things. Never make a decsion based on fear, and you will be respected by all who see you." "This is a fear, nothing more, and we can overcome it together with love and courage." "Together we can grow closer than we ever imagined from this experience." "We can build a trust that others will envy." "We can show that our love is stronger and more important than other people's words or fears." Below is a link to PLFAG. You can find a local chapter. You may want to go by yourself first. These are suggestions for building your support system, creating your new affirming world and family......To survive, and grasp the joy to which you are entitled by nature. http://www.geocities.com/pflagtexascouncil/
__________________
Love and affirmation,  Forrester Tongpa Nyi (formerly Ash Phoenix, faeries evolve! )  When you come to know that your entitlement to joy is a given, All that remains is the exploration of the many different ways to let it in 
Last edited by scott snedeker; 03-21-2008 at 01:12 AM. Reason: sp
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