A Closet of Glass

[Jamie McDaniel]

Lydia forwarded me an article about Kevin Jennings, a gay man who grew up Southern Baptist and later went on to found GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network). He has a new book out titled Mama's Boy, Preacher's Son.

Son of a Preacher Man

The following is a section from the article that really stood out to me.

Salon.com: You say in the book that when you were a teacher, before you came out to your students, you were living in a "glass closet," and that you realized that "by staying silent, I hadn't fooled them into thinking I was straight: I had simply confirmed that this was indeed something too shameful to discuss."

Kevin Jennings: Absolutely. And if that was true for me when I was teaching in the '80s and '90s, you can bet it is doubly true now, in the era of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." This year's senior class was in first grade when Ellen [DeGeneres] came out. So we're dealing with a generation that's much savvier than their parents and teachers are on issues of sexual orientation, because they've always had gay people on TV, for instance. Any teacher who thinks that the kids haven't figured them out is in complete denial. And so if the kids know, every day they're seeing that closeted gay teacher up there and saying, "Hmm, this must be something bad you shouldn't talk about. Look how Mr. Jennings never talks about it." And I decided I couldn't teach that lesson anymore.

[keltic63]

I know some gay teachers that do not hide in the closet with their HS students, who correct students when they say things like "that's so gay" etc. (1 actually makes them say "that's so straight!")

I teach at the elementary level. I cannot imagine an appropriate time for my orientation to be a topic of conversation with my young students. I haven't hidden my orientation from co-workers or even parents, but once again, because of privacy I see no reason to bring that specific point into a conversation. for instance:

Me: Hello Mr. & Mrs. Johnny's Parents. I'm the music teacher and I'm gay!
Parents: What????

otoh
Mr. and Mrs. Johnny's Parents: I hear you bought a new house.
Me: Yes, Scott and I purchased the house over the summer.

so you see, I talk about my partner as the course of the conversation would dictate. I just can't see how that would come up in a conversation with a a 4th grader (at least, I can't see it yet, but then, one never knows!)

[Zerbie]

Yep! Yep! Yep! So true. Jennings has that figgered out pretty good.

The first gay person I ever met was one of my elementary school teachers. The next several were also my teachers. They were all closeted. I "learned" from them that it had to be hidden and not talked about. I wondered why Mr. S. worked so hard to hide it, and wondered if he had discovered there was something wrong about himself for being gay. then I wondered what that something was. EVEN THOUGH it occured to me that, hey, this was the 1980s, people were panicked about gay men and AIDS, and this man taught ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. I still wondered why he tried so hard to hide it from us. It made us go into closets too, watching what we said. Alone with him after school one day when I was 12 I dropped my guard and accidentally said something to him that made it clear I knew he was gay, and he panicked and got very angry. I'd had no idea it would upset him. I felt guilty about it for *years.*

Anyway, Keltic, your way of talking to parents sounds absolutely sane and would totally put me at ease, if I were a parent. But for high school students, yeah I hafta say Mr Jennings has a real strong point. By the time I was in high school, I was busy wondering how I was going to be a gay rights activist if I couldn't talk about it.

[Ellen]

You know, Kevin Jennings donated an autographed copy of his book to the upcoming Soulforce online auction. Tune in Nov 10-20 to bid on it!

[Daniel]

My fourth grade teacher, Mr C was gay. And I was rather infatuated with him, thought I wouldn't have called it sexual attraction: I just wanted to be around him, which, I believe, made him uncomfortable. He was my totem, polestar and inner voice. A voice which I realized- without being told- was unacceptable: I was sent to a speech therapist halfway throught the year because I started to stammer.

I have always wondered, had he felt better in his skin, would I have as well? I like to think so.

It's not always the words that are important: We all speak a non-verbal language that says exactly what we mean to say.

[Jennifer5]

That's very true Daniel!

Kevin Jennings seems to have it figured out... and it's so true if you don't think your high-school students have you figured you really are in denial

[SolApollo]

Since I'm still a sub for the time being, yeah, I punish name calling of any kind with a warning to stop (2X) and if it doesn't stop - a detention for the student(s).

Anyway, kids are so insecure, and name calling of any kind is hurtful, and lead to self-esteem issues...not a good thing.

[keltic63]

saw the Yahoo Slurp Spider reading this, so I clicked on this thread to re-read it. Timely too, because today, I had a 3rd grader make a very homophobic statement, although she didn't quite know why it was problematic.

"oooh, they're holding hands" is what she said. it was 2 boys. we were doing a folk dance, and I had instructed the class to make a circle. Everyone knows that the quickest way to make a circle is to hold hands, so the boy did what he knew would get the job done quickly. the girl saw it, and had learned somewhere that this wasn't "right". I found myself in an awkward moment. I started asking her questions about it, and finally said that it's ok for boys to hold hands, especially when we're doing this kind of activity, and that if she was going to make fun of them for doing it, that we'd have to go to the office and fill out the bullying paper and call home.

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by keltic63

saw the Yahoo Slurp Spider reading this, so I clicked on this thread to re-read it. Timely too, because today, I had a 3rd grader make a very homophobic statement, although she didn't quite know why it was problematic.

"oooh, they're holding hands" is what she said. it was 2 boys. we were doing a folk dance, and I had instructed the class to make a circle. Everyone knows that the quickest way to make a circle is to hold hands, so the boy did what he knew would get the job done quickly. the girl saw it, and had learned somewhere that this wasn't "right". I found myself in an awkward moment. I started asking her questions about it, and finally said that it's ok for boys to hold hands, especially when we're doing this kind of activity, and that if she was going to make fun of them for doing it, that we'd have to go to the office and fill out the bullying paper and call home.

I hate seeing/hearing little kids saying such things... it also always gets my mind thinking the 'is hate learned?' (or something like that) thread. How can people teach their kids this

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by keltic63

saw the Yahoo Slurp Spider reading this, so I clicked on this thread to re-read it. Timely too, because today, I had a 3rd grader make a very homophobic statement, although she didn't quite know why it was problematic.

"oooh, they're holding hands" is what she said. it was 2 boys. we were doing a folk dance, and I had instructed the class to make a circle. Everyone knows that the quickest way to make a circle is to hold hands, so the boy did what he knew would get the job done quickly. the girl saw it, and had learned somewhere that this wasn't "right". I found myself in an awkward moment. I started asking her questions about it, and finally said that it's ok for boys to hold hands, especially when we're doing this kind of activity, and that if she was going to make fun of them for doing it, that we'd have to go to the office and fill out the bullying paper and call home.

That really is: a life changed (at least potentially) at that very moment. That's a wow moment if there ever was one.

Bravo Steve!

[paul]

My fourth grade teacher, Mr C was gay. And I was rather infatuated with him, thought I wouldn't have called it sexual attraction: I just wanted to be around him, which, I believe, made him uncomfortable.

Alone with him after school one day when I was 12 I dropped my guard and accidentally said something to him that made it clear I knew he was gay, and he panicked and got very angry.

damn...these memories from Zerbie and Daniel's childhood brought to memory an incident when I was 19. I was at the height of my fundamentalism homophobia, and I was a camp couselor for some 11 year olds one summer. There was this one boy who singled me out, and wanted to be around me constantly and hold my hand. I distanced myself from him because he was obviously a young gay kid and I didn't want to encourage it. Sigh...how rotten that I was so bound up in my own homophobia (at this point I knew I was gay and was fighting my "sin nature" like the dickens). I had an opportunity to affirm a gay kid and I more than missed it. Interesting how well the kids gaydar worked though, he really nailed me. "and a child shall lead them..."

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by paul

damn...these memories from Zerbie and Daniel's childhood brought to memory an incident when I was 19. I was at the height of my fundamentalism homophobia, and I was a camp couselor for some 11 year olds one summer. There was this one boy who singled me out, and wanted to be around me constantly and hold my hand. I distanced myself from him because he was obviously a young gay kid and I didn't want to encourage it. Sigh...how rotten that I was so bound up in my own homophobia (at this point I knew I was gay and was fighting my "sin nature" like the dickens). I had an opportunity to affirm a gay kid and I more than missed it. Interesting how well the kids gaydar worked though, he really nailed me. "and a child shall lead them..."

(((((( Paul )))))))

Forgive yourself. I am sure the boy has long since. For all you know, he may have remembered you and prayed for you.

[Pablo Rafael]

I have often wondered if any of my students were gay. The students that I taught when I was a first year teacher are in their early 30's now. I wish I knew what became of all of them. I have only kept track of a couple of students over the years. I have had a couple of students that I suspected of being gay, but they were younger kids, and who knows what their orientation was as they grew older. I had no clue that I was gay until I was a teenager.

It would be great to be able to be "out" with my students. Being in a Christian school, it is not possible. The topic of being gay has come up in religion class a couple of time during the years. My middle school students have been much more open to the idea than I would have thought. I have one very homophobic student who the other students and I really challenged him once on his homophobic attitude. I was glad that the other students supported my viewpoint so I wan't standing alone. I have been expecting some parent to challenge me sooner or later, but so far it hasn't happened.

That no one has questioned me about being gay surprises me. If I were someone else and was working with me, I would say, "Pablo's gay for sure." My gaydar is not very good, but even I would notice me.

Pablo

[paul]

Both teachers, for commenting on this thread.

I appreciate both of your courage. So many in our culture still equate being gay with being a pedophile. Nutts. That is especially true in fundamentalist Christian circles, so Pablo, I would see your position as maybe a bit tougher.

To me, the irony of Pablo's situation is he is damned either way in his particular fundamental Christian school. Let's pretend Pablo was a good fundamentalist and was acknowledging that being gay is a bad thing and was part of an ex-gay program...he still would most likely not be able to practice his craft of teaching at the local Christian school. On the other hand, if he is not a professing fundi, and he comes out...he is still damned. Kind of a lose lose situation.

So, in keeping with the theme of this thread, I applaud both Pablo and Keltic who are unwilling to live in a closet, glass or otherwise, and validate the rotten notion that being gay is "shameful."

[Pablo Rafael]

An ironic thing is too, that despite all the fundamentalist protest that they would never stand for a gay teaching their kids, education is a very gay occupation (at least among male teachers). Not as gay as being an church organist, but still pretty gay.

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by Pablo Rafael

An ironic thing is too, that despite all the fundamentalist protest that they would never stand for a gay teaching their kids, education is a very gay occupation (at least among male teachers). Not as gay as being an church organist, but still pretty gay.

does that make me doubly gay?

teacher and church organist?

[andrewlittle]

Originally Posted by keltic63

does that make me doubly gay?

teacher and church organist?

Actually, I thinks it's gay squared.

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by andrewlittle

Actually, I thinks it's gay squared.

oh. so it's exponential then?