My introduction - Page 2

Zerbie · #21 02-02-2008, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justme65

I'm a little reticent to post this, as I don't know if "relationship talk" is appropriate on this website....so anyone, please, if you feel this is inappropriate, please let me know!

We sure do talk about relationships on here!

There's relatively little that is out of bounds on here, those things being: gay-bashing, and spam posts trying to sell things. Little else.

As for the May/Dec. romance - there is none as of today, but there may be a potential, I'm not sure. I have a personal on both Match.com andy Yahoo personals. A man that turns 30yo this weekend and I have been emailing, just writing about things in general. He stated that if I am ever in Chicago to let him know (I live 2 hours south).

Awrighty - this looks like a wonderful social opportunity to meet the guy in 3D and see if he is still as appealing in the "real world" as he is online. What's a cup of coffee? About an hour of your time? And it may turn into a great lifelong friendship, or even something more intense. You won't know if you don't try.

I am 42yo.

Those 12 years are nothing!! There are folks on this board in deliriously happy committed relationships with more years than that between them.

Age schmage. Really. What counts is not externals, but whether or not both people feel good together on the inside of their hearts and minds.

He is a very beautifal man, I am average. From what he has told me, he is very intelligent, I am of average intelligence. He is very gregarious, I am what some consider to be a loner.

Why compare and put yourself down? How do you know you won't be disappointed when you meet him 3D, and not the other way round? Why not plan to spend an hour over coffee having a pleasant conversation, and if anything comes of it, great, if not, great - you had a pleasant hour. Why not?

I'm very afraid to tell him that I will be in Chicago in a few weeks. If he wants to meet, I am almost sure that he will be disappointed (I don't take rejection well).

He's just one person out of several billion. Don't give him this kind of power over your self worth.

For instance, he wrote that for his 30th bday, he and his mother rented a limo to have some fun in and invited 18 people. I can count the number of friends I have on ONE HAND! If he is outgoing, and I am quiet, I'm sure he would write me off right away.

Why? Haven't you ever heard the aphorism, "opposites attract"?

One of the things that attracted me to him is that he said that his family and his spirituality are very important to him. That's a rare statement among gay men in general, don't you think? He just seems like a nice guy.

Steve

That's what you focus on! Focus on what you like about him. You can't control what he will think of you. Don't give his reaction the power to devastate you. Just enjoy meeting a nice person.

Seriously. The biggest regrets I have in life are the things I wanted to do and didn't. You like this man? Go and meet him!

justme65 · #22 02-05-2008, 04:15 PM

Thanks Zerbie and everyone else....all contact from him has stopped, so I think I have my answer

Oh well.

keltic63 · #23 02-05-2008, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justme65

Thanks Zerbie and everyone else....all contact from him has stopped, so I think I have my answer

Oh well.

not necessarily. it could be that something is preventing him from getting back to you. give him a chance. relax.

when are you headed into Chicago? maybe you can set up a meeting with someone else by then.

Daniel · #24 02-05-2008, 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justme65

I'm a little reticent to post this, as I don't know if "relationship talk" is appropriate on this website....so anyone, please, if you feel this is inappropriate, please let me know!

At least that's been my impresssion.

As for the May/Dec. romance - there is none as of today, but there may be a potential, I'm not sure. I have a personal on both Match.com andy Yahoo personals. A man that turns 30yo this weekend and I have been emailing, just writing about things in general. He stated that if I am ever in Chicago to let him know (I live 2 hours south). I am 42yo. He is a very beautifal man, I am average. From what he has told me, he is very intelligent, I am of average intelligence. He is very gregarious, I am what some consider to be a loner.

I'm very afraid to tell him that I will be in Chicago in a few weeks.

Ok. Gottcha. You're afraid. A good sign that your brain is engaged in protecting your body and your psychological health.

If he wants to meet, I am almost sure that he will be disappointed (I don't take rejection well).

Oh really? Here's what I think: you think so little of yourself that you practically invite rejection. I'm sorry if that sentence came off harshly- but I'm just responding to what I hear you saying. You think he's in a higher 'league' than you? Well. That's only your opinion. And if you don't give the guy (and yourself) a chance, the situation is a non-starter. Sure. You could be 'rejected'. But you could also 'reject'. It goes both ways.

For instance, he wrote that for his 30th bday, he and his mother rented a limo to have some fun in and invited 18 people. I can count the number of friends I have on ONE HAND! If he is outgoing, and I am quiet, I'm sure he would write me off right away.

Your personalities may seem opposite. But it could also be possible that you yearn to have someone (I am assuming things here!) get you out of your 'shell' and he could be yearning for someone to snuggle up with and watch old movies with.

So you don't that lots of friends. Question: what's stopping you from going out and making some? And guess what? You already have- at least in the virtual sense. You've reached out here. And if you can do it here, you can do it anywhere (this is where I break into singng New York! New York!

One of the things that attracted me to him is that he said that his family and his spirituality are very important to him. That's a rare statement among gay men in general, don't you think? He just seems like a nice guy.

Good stuff! I don't know about this being rare, but it's not always the first thing that people talk about in a discussion. It's usually reserved for later conversations, after one gets to know the person. Like the old joke about gay men: "Gay men sleep together and then decide if they like each other". Like every steroptype there is some truth in it, but it's not the whole truth.

Again, I apologize profusely if this subject should not be discussed here.

If anyone would like to see our profiles, just email me at sgorrell@uiuc.edu

Thanks for your time!

Steve

Steve- Forgive me for blatantly endeavoring to build you up. That's my purpose here. When you feel confident within yourself, you will be able to handle rejection - if and when if happens- better. The truth is, and I believe this firmly: it's how we handle rejection that can determine the course of our lives. It's not that one has to be 'tough', but one simply has to keep at it. Stay in the game- as it were. Not give up on one's self and the other person- when and if that person comes into one's life.

I'm not saying that you should go and meet this guy and feel great about it not going well. Hey. It could happen. It may not work out. But I wish to point out a law of physics here:

Things in motion tend to stay in motion.

If this guy doesn't work out, stay in motion. Don't give up on yourself. That stops all motion. Get my drift?

How will you know how things will work out if you simply cave into the fear that they won't?

Having faith means keeping faith. With yourself first.

Bottom line: I think you can think better of yourself.

PS- a shot in the dark here: are you blaming yourself for the breakup of your previous relationship? Still feeling some shame about that? If so- you might want to discuss this old stuff (with a qualified counselor). It's the kind of baggage you don't want dragging you down.

paul · #25 02-06-2008, 11:49 AM

Hi Steve

,

Welcome (hey, better late than never).

I guess you've figured out by now that what you posted was not inappropriate. The only thing you won't get away with here is gay bashing and nudity

(and I might get some arguments on the second prohibition).

42 and old maid???

Please! That's "inappropriate" (unless you plan on taking up cleaning for a living).

I look forward to getting to know you. You will find a very warm community here, I hope you stick around and become part of us.

paul