Jesus will move to Missouri

[Rick336]

I was reading on the website of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints this afternoon and discovered something that I didn't know before. Apparently when Jesus returns to earth during the Second Coming, he will live in Missouri.

This is a direct quote from the LDS website:

"Jesus said we will know He is coming soon when His Church has built a city called the New Jerusalem. Jesus said He will rule in that city, and righteous people will live there. He has told us where this city will be built. It will be in the state of Missouri, in the United States."

I think when Jesus moves from heaven to Missouri, this would be a perfect time for us to do a road trip and ask him his position on same sex marriage.



check it out ---> http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.js...ontentLocale=0


Rick

[CaptainSnoopy]

Crap! Traffic is gonna get worse there!

[BruceChris]

And the Mormons refer to the rest of us christians (Small "c") as"gentiles"

BC

Re BELOW: - GEE, I WISH I'D SAID THAT

[CaptainSnoopy]

I prefer to be a philistine...but whatever floats their little non caffeinated boats.

[pnggrad79]

If Missouri is so special, then why all the fuss over Utah? If Utah is the promised land according to Brigham Young, they missed Missouri by a few hundred miles. These people can't be serious.

[Petrese]

Originally Posted by pnggrad79

If Missouri is so special, then why all the fuss over Utah? If Utah is the promised land according to Brigham Young, they missed Missouri by a few hundred miles. These people can't be serious.

Personaly I think both places suck, one is humid all the time and the others nothing but salt and full of mormons, besides, I'm pretty sure he'll be movin to upstate New York! better radio stations and a nice change of seasons LOL

[pnggrad79]

I was always amazed by the fact that most of these Mormons believe that the more children they have the better off they will be in the afterlife when they occupy their own planet. They believe that there are millions of "spirit babies" that need a human to inhabit and these are to be the future population of their own planet in the solar system. And the kicker is, the wife, who spits out all these children, may or may not be called up to this planet by her husband. He, alone, decides if she is worthy or not. The kids automatically go, unless of course, they drink coffee.

Sounds like a good sci-fi movie to me....

[Daniel]

(First off- I think it's MissourAH! I used to live there!)

I can see it now: Jesus is coming to Branson, headlining at the New Jerusalem Theatre!

The production?

Godspell.

Sarah Palin will star as Mary Magdalene.

[Rick336]

Originally Posted by pnggrad79

I was always amazed by the fact that most of these Mormons believe that the more children they have the better off they will be in the afterlife when they occupy their own planet.

Their own planet? Maybe that's what all these alien abductions are about. Maybe the aliens are starting to secretly move the Mormons to the other planet already, one at a time.

But then, if all the Mormons move to another planet, who's going to be here to help Jesus open his new office in Missouri?

I'm not sure they've thought all this through. I guess they've been too busy working to defeat gay marriage since gay marriage is such a crazy idea.


Rick

[RedneckDyke]

I think Branson would be a fab place for Jesus. He could open up a loaves and fishes all you can eat buffet and have his own country gospel music review

[tdogg]

Originally Posted by Rick336

Their own planet? Maybe that's what all these alien abductions are about. Maybe the aliens are starting to secretly move the Mormons to the other planet already, one at a time.
But then, if all the Mormons move to another planet, who's going to be here to help Jesus open his new office in Missouri?

I've actually heard the Mormon men each get their very own planet, and if they want they can take a wife with them (or not).

Don't worry, there are enough Catholics and Christians to help Jesus out in Missouri. But I wonder if they would recognize him?

[pnggrad79]

Originally Posted by tdogg

I've actually heard the Mormon men each get their very own planet, and if they want they can take a wife with them (or not).

Don't worry, there are enough Catholics and Christians to help Jesus out in Missouri. But I wonder if they would recognize him?

LOL! They would probably throw him out. They will think his quiet, gentle self is gay and say he isn't welcome in their church. But then again, He hasn't been welcome for a long time since the gospel they preach has really nothing at all to do with Him.

[Rick336]

Originally Posted by pnggrad79

LOL! They would probably throw him out. They will think his quiet, gentle self is gay and say he isn't welcome in their church. But then again, He hasn't been welcome for a long time since the gospel they preach has really nothing at all to do with Him.

You might have a point. I'm not sure how they'd feel about a liberal Jew setting up his office in Missouri or Utah.

Rick

[BrianB]

Jesus could go through the holy land experience in Branson...err Florida. Oh...wait...He already did that in the Middle East. Wonder what He thinks of "celebrity" christians living in gated communities?

[tehillah05]

I'm from Independence Missouri and I know exactly what you're talking about. Let me clarify before heading into this...I am NOT RLDS/Community of Christ/whatever else...I'm a non-demoninational Christian. Anyway, RLDS/LDS/Reform/Community of Christ are not to confused w/ Mormons...although we do have our fair share of all in Independence. The Mormons are a breakaway group from the original RLDS group, which has also splintered into several smaller groups (that's where the LDS, Reform LDS and all that comes from), with Community of Christ being the largest "splinter" as it were. In high school we used to call ourselves the RLDS capital of the world...which is half true...the world headquarters of the Community of Christ (formerly Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints...RLDS) is near our historic downtown square. The RLDS Auditorium is a beautiful building both inside and out. It has a wonderful pipe organ that's still in working condition. The building they are referring to is The Temple...a spiral looking thing that sticks into in the sky next door to the Auditorium. It looks like an upside down sea-shell. I've never been in The Temple but yes the Community of Christ believe that when Jesus returns, he will ascend atop that spiraled Temple...and have quite the rude awakening I would imagine as the top is a point as one would imagine the top of an upside down spiral to be (complete w/ airplane warning light).

If you read the Bible you know that Jesus is not returning to Missouri. Take it in stride that there are some people out there w/ some wacky beliefs and go on.

[tymejumper]

Oh man! I didn't know Jesus was a redneck!


I think the Christian Reformers will be awefully pissed off at him for picking that state instead of the oh so lovely Michigan. Also, what about Palin and her church? Arn't they gonna be upset that he didn't chose Alaska? She and her church were SO sure that they knew it all......

[Rick336]

When Jesus comes back, does this mean we get another holiday like we did the first time he came? Because if we do, I got some ideas.

Instead of dragging a tree inside and hanging stuff on it, how about this time we bring shrubbery into the house and spray paint it with day glow colors? And we could carve faces into zucchini and hide them in the yard. And kids could go from house to house giving balloons to the neighbors.

Just a thought.



Rick