Eye opening experience

[tymejumper]

Had a really strange experience recently.

I have been coming out at work, slowly, first to people that work closely with me and working my way up through the persons I trust and know do not gossip. Well, I accidently came out to a person that I do trust, but that I know is a wife of a Pastor. It was quite unintentional. She asked me what the kids and I were doing on Spring Break and I mentioned that my significant other and I were spending time with the kids and doing various things. She said that she didn't know I had a boyfriend and of course without thinking, I said I don't.

To make matters short, it put me in a weird situation, and not being good at lying, I ended up confirming that I had a wife, not a husband. Her mouth actually dropped open and she said "not ready for that one, but as a pastors wife, I have to say...." (fill it in here folks.) She went on to question me that she had heard me mention God and how did I resolve it with my faith when it ways in the bible this and that. I did tell her that I had struggled with my faith for a long time, but that many things were mentioned in the bible and that people did not follow them either so how could she say that what was written about homosexuality was correct? She wondered if I felt my union was blessed and I explained that my Reverend did bless us and that she had interpreted things differently than her religion and husband had. She said she was not judging me nor was she lecturing me, but she just was wondering that as a Pastors wife. I told her I hoped that this would not cause problems with our working relationship or as a friendshiop we had begun(I really do like her, she is a neat lady)and that she did not view me as any different. I also told her that I was trusting her to not out me to others. End of conversation. She said she would pray for me and my decision and that I was happy and blessed.

Ya know what? At first I was thinking she would treat me different, now that she knew. It has been a week and she has not treated me with may type of difference at all. I guess it shocked me that it made no difference to her.

I just post this as an eye opening experience to me and to others and also I see it as a way to educate others on gay people in general. She had said how nice and sweet I was and that I was so caring. I think that sometimes people have no idea who we are, and are shocked that we are so close to them.

So, my faith in mankind has been a bit more restored and I feel I made a small difference.

[alphie]

that's good to hear! It gives me, and maybe others, encouragement.

[Gennee]

Those are encouraging words, Tymejumper. Someday, others will see us as people. Thank you for sharing.

Gennee

[Daniel]

As a pastor's wife.

As if being a pastor's wife means something very important. Like what for instance? That she has the right to give you the third degree about your faith? What is that about?

Sounds like Pastor's Wife has set herself up as the moral arbiter of every situation that crosses her path.

That's what is strange here.

I'm glad that you feel like something positive happened. Eye-opening for sure. Let's hope that the Pastor's Wife has had her Damascus Experience.

[tdogg]

Hi Tyme!

That was brave. Well done. These are the conversations we need to have. One on one, emotion showing, questions asked and answered. The other person may not go away from the discussion exactly how we would want them, they may not jump to take our side or take up the cause. But thoughts are planted, and think they will.

One conversation at a time. The difficult ones with people we are reluctant to talk to. We need to open up and tell our truth, leaving out none of the emotion. They need to see our pain and our happiness.

This is really good. Thanks for sharing!

[tymejumper]

Originally Posted by Daniel

As a pastor's wife.

As if being a pastor's wife means something very important. Like what for instance? That she has the right to give you the third degree about your faith? What is that about?

Sounds like Pastor's Wife has set herself up as the moral arbiter of every situation that crosses her path.

That's what is strange here.

I'm glad that you feel like something positive happened. Eye-opening for sure. Let's hope that the Pastor's Wife has had her Damascus Experience.

I hope that is the case also.

I wonder somewhere inside of myself, that she could have been questioning her own religion. I hope that she was trying to have some sort of open dialog with me also. I have thought alot about it and can come to no reasoning on her asking me questions, unless she felt as a friend that she could ask me questions that she has wanted to ask other gay people and now had an oppourtunity to do so. She had mentioned several times during our conversation that she was "wondering, not judging" and wanted me to understand that.

Straight people are very curious about us, they have questions and concerns and are afraid to ask(from what I have found from my friends I have come out to)because it is curiosity and not really very polite to question someone on their religion, bedroom habits etc. We are always afraid of what we don't understand and I have always believed in education as a tool for understanding.

I hope it gives her pause to realize that there are many types of faiths and that LGBT persons are good, moral people, because that is what the Christian Right seems to believe of us....that we are NOT good and moral or caring people. Well, now one more of them knows that belief is a crock of shit, because she knows first hand how I am and who I am. She knows my children are not troubled or have poor morals becuase she knows them also. Those stereotypes of us trying to destroy the family, raising dysfunctional children and having poor morals have been blown to bits. She will carry our conversation to her husband and share what she learned, and it will go a bit farther to help everyone understand each other better. That is how people won equal rights for the black community, people got to know them and they said "these stereotypes are crap".

I do not require her to pat me on the back for my life or beliefs. Just treat me fairly and with respect.

[BruceChris]

Beliefs as you understand them, and you stood up for yourself. . .

I can't think of a much better way to handle something like this. .

Peace, Love, and I'm-O.K.-You're-O.K., Bruce Chris

[turquoise]

I want you to know that not not al pastors and their wives or husbands are anti-gay. Many have sons and daughters and friends who are gay and it looks like in the ELCA that the social statement could pass. I will certainly be voting for all 5 issues before us. As more and more people get to know us they're less afraid and less antagonistic.
Turquoise

[Parker-Eson]

What is great is you trusted yourself, your relationship with GOD and followed your heart and are doing whats right. Happy that your friend has remained open and welcoming. Amen... you and your family are beautiful and are what you are supposed to be!

[marcdash]

I wouldn't be happy that 'someone' accepted me, be it a pastors wife or the president. God accepts me.

[tymejumper]

True, but it sure makes my job a whole lot nicer to know people know and are cool with it. You dont have to watch every word you say that way

[Stigandi]

the bravery it take's to "come out" to people would leave me me in the corner unable to move with terror.

what you are doing is amazing.

If more people would have your courage (that I admit I don't think I have) people would see that everyone knows and love someone that is gay. We could get this crap that shouldnt even be a debate out of the way and we as a people can move into a more loving era.

just my 2 cents