Middle-Age Craziness

[offog]

I just had my 50th birthday over the Easter weekend. Yep, I hit the big five-oh! And to think I found earlier middle-age stages difficult.

A week or two before my 34th birthday, I was feeling pretty bummed out about turning 34. Then my friend Laurie came by for afternoon tea and told me about the new man in her life who was quite a bit younger than her. Laurie was 42 and the young man was 25. Laurie said "Yeah, I'm going out with a guy who's 17 years younger than me." After doing a quick calculation in my head, I realized that if I did that, I could get into a lot of trouble. So then I felt better about my age.

Turning 40 was kind of weird. About a month after my 40th birthday, I went to a nightclub to check out a rock act, and I hadn't been to see a live show in a few years. I got to the club a little early to grab a beer and look around a bit, and I realized "Woah! Three-quarters of the people here are young enough to be my kid!"

A year or two later, I got my first set of bi-focals. I couldn't afford to buy the "progressive" lenses. You know; the kind where the lines don't know. Big mistake! I should have found some way to scrape the money together! Suddenly, all the kids started calling me "Ma'am". Then one day I got on a bus crowded with university students, and a very nice young woman about 19 years old offered me her seat.

Yeah, for awhile I had a hard time wrapping my head around being almost 50. But 3 days before the big birthday, I was having beer at the bar with some friends and this cute 31-year-old dude started flirting with me.

So turning 50 isn't so bad after all. I guess my friend Mea is right - you're only as old as you feel!

[Daniel]

My 50th birthday was last July. For me it was a year of crisis. Midlife crisis you might say. Had less to do with my age than it did a health issue (which has been resolved), but a crisis nevertheless.

My own sense is that middle age, whether one is gay or straight, can be a time of opportunity. And I don't say this in some kind of denial or blind faith. This perspective has been hard won on my part.

One looks back when one reaches middle age. One also looks forward. There can be a letting go of certain things: looks, expectations, playing the mating game that those in their twenties play, having to 'be' a certain person or persona etc.

My sense is that one's 50's are a time of letting go as well as a reconsideration of what is before one, that is, of course, with the assumption that one will live long enough to see old age. And nothing is assured, is it?

We could all go to bed and not wake up tomorrow.

Time is precious. That has been the central teaching which being middle aged is teaching me. There is only so much time left in his human incarnation. This realization has helped me work on accomplishing the important things.

It's now-or-never time.

When we are young, we think we have forever. But that isn't true. We aren't immortal. We have to love now, not later.

[Jennifer5]

It's interesting to be the 18 yo reading this, because to me your age is a gift. There is a lot of wisdom that comes from all that you have lived though. You have already experienced a lot of things in life that I haven't. It's wonderful to have people you can talk to as you experience new parts of life, things which peers would not understand.

I don't think of any of you as being older, you just feel wiser. All that things that you feel as you age, are things that you feel when you are young too, just on a different level.

You are young at heart, which is a wonderful thing. Try not to worry about aging though, we all go through it and it's a beautiful part of life.

[offog]

What a great attitude, Jennifer! The average 18-year-old would see 50 as ancient, over-the-hill, etc. You seem to really have it together.

[Alecto]

Give us a chance, we might surprise you.

I find a lot of value especially in this community talking to the people who've lived the history I can only read about. THe modern queer movement certainly has roots pretty far back, but it hasn't looked like a movement for particularly long, and it's interesting and exciting to talk to people who've lived it.

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by offog

What a great attitude, Jennifer! The average 18-year-old would see 50 as ancient, over-the-hill, etc. You seem to really have it together.

If by that you mean that I know that I know very little at this point in life, I accept that. Thanks.

[tymejumper]

Originally Posted by Jennifer5

I don't think of any of you as being older, you just feel wiser. All that things that you feel as you age, are things that you feel when you are young too, just on a different level.

My IM friend in England is not much older than you. She often asks for advice and I try my best to give it. She says that she needs to ask someone 'wise' ha, ha, ha. I try to tell her we try to act wise but everyone is really just confused as you are at 18 or 19 or 20 as they are at our age. We just fake it much better! Then again, someone should benefit from my mistakes besides Jester!

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by Jennifer5

It's interesting to be the 18 yo reading this, because to me your age is a gift. There is a lot of wisdom that comes from all that you have lived though.

We only learn by making mistakes. The gift is learning from them.




Honor their mistakes.
Everybody makes,
One another's terrible mistakes.
Witches can be right
Giants can be good.
You decide what's right,
You decide what's good.

The Gospel According to Sondeim

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by Daniel

We only learn by making mistakes. The gift is learning from them.

Thanks Daniel, I'll try to remember that.

Tyme, you just showed your wisdom by saying that it's normal to feel confused about life.

[wmanion]

that when I turned fifty, I thought I should just curl up, give up, and ask the good lord to take me on home. Like you offdog, in my fourties I went to bifocals and then just before 50 they said I needed trifocals. I didn't have to worry about going gray since my hair had all ready started that journey at the tender age of fourteen and mostly completed the trip by the time I was thirty. Of course, I dyed it for years but decided that at fifty who cares. Then funny things started happening. I decided at fifty to try contacts once again and I got that bacteria from the Baush and Lombs eye saline. I could not see anything out of my right eye and I spent 48 hours putting antibiotics into my eye. As luck would have it, my eye sight came back better than before. After another eye exam, I was back to bifocals and the astigmatism in my eyes has started to shrink, which the are continuing to do. So for the last four years, each new set of glasses has been weaker than the one before. This proved to me my life was not over, I did not need to give up, and that no one ever knows what kind of blessing lies right around the corner.

Bill

[offog]

This is the first time I've ever posted something to start a new thread, anywhere! It was great to get all these nice responses.

offog

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by offog

This is the first time I've ever posted something to start a new thread, anywhere! It was great to get all these nice responses.

offog

See how well it went? Jump in more often, you have a lot to offer.

[nmwolfboy]

Originally Posted by Jennifer5

If by that you mean that I know that I know very little at this point in life, I accept that. Thanks.

Just having turned 46 i can confirm that i'm now convinced i know less than i ever did about anything.

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by nmwolfboy

Just having turned 46 i can confirm that i'm now convinced i know less than i ever did about anything.

A friend had this quote on his msn: "The dumbest people I know are those who know it all."

[offog]

Ref. Jennifer5: "The dumbest people I know are those who know it all."

This reminds me of another quotation that goes something like this:

The more I know, the more I realize how much I don't know.

[tymejumper]

Originally Posted by nmwolfboy

Just having turned 46 i can confirm that i'm now convinced i know less than i ever did about anything.

OMG! That is exactly it to!