Hi, my name is Celia

[CM8]

I'm 35 years old and homosexual. I was 'out' at university and a lapsed christian until i hit 30, then I went back in the closet because of the 'sin'. I've tried for 5 years to change and surpress any feelings I've had for women, infact I made a decision not to entertain any thoughts. I set up a business and worked every hour of the day and night so I had no social life to meet anyone. Now that the business is doing well, I have more time on my hands and so i've been out socialising with friends and as I thought I end up looking at the women not the men in the bars and restaurants. Well, having done lots of research - looking at hebrew and greek texts, different translations and what was going on at the time of the different scriptures (those relating to homosexuality) I've come to the conclusion that most of the texts aren't relevant to us. Infact, the 'biggy' story on sodom is about hospitality. I haven't just read other people's words for it though but i've looked into it myself over and over again and I feel like I'm in a dream. I wished I'd done this study when I was younger then I wouldn't have had to be living in shame for so many years. I always thought I'd have to be celibate but for the last two or three months I've been feeling a mix of emotions. It's angered me to think that homosexuals have been so oppressed, when there is no evidence that G-d classes them as sinful. Well, sorry went on a bit... but, I'm in a mix of emotions. I'd love to 'come out' again and I intend to come out to my friends (most of whom know anyway) but as long as my mother is alive I don't think she could cope with the rejection from other family members so I'd rather just keep saying that I haven't met the right man yet to the family. I hate that though as I hate to lie about it, but my mother's been through enough challenges in her life. Well, that's me.