Spiritual Confusion

[Unmasked]

I recently found out that there's a category for spiritual confusion in the DSM-IV. I think it was put there for people like me. I've never been able to hold on to a consistent set of beliefs for a long time, and in the back of my mind it's always bothered me a little. Right now I'm not sure what I believe. I believe in a higher power, but I don't know if that power has the will or the power to influence our lives in big ways. I believe that Jesus lived and that his teachings have the power to change lives and maybe even the world. I don't believe in the virgin birth, I don't believe in the Trinity or that Jesus was God any more so than myself.

I belong to a Welcoming and Affirming UCC in town, which has given me great joy, and a place to belong. That's something I never really felt in the Church of Christ.

Spiritually I have jumped all over the board, going from conservative Christianity to Wicca, Apathy, Deism, Pantheism, and now just utter confusion. I would like very much to believe in the deity of Christ and the bodily resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth, but I can't, because I don't. This has been a source of stress for me, because I have been struggling with the question of how deal with my arbitrary skepticism when it comes to the supernatural. Though I accept the idea of gods and angels, I can't see my way to a few miracles or strange occurrences.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for by posting this, or how coherent it is, but I felt the need to tell somebody a little of what's been going on in my head.

Thanks for listening. Now I need to get to bed. I have church in about five hours, and I'll go crazy if I'm allowed to think for another minute.