|
|
|
#21
07-29-2010, 07:08 PM
|
||||
|
||||
Thank you!
I was really nervous about it at first, but it worked out. He said that my being gay, straight, whatever didn't matter to him, that wasn't why we became friends. He was very encouraging, and supportive, he made me think of you for a second Daniel! He told me that I need to Come Out and not worry about what others think...
I'm REALLY glad that I did it! Ive had a great day today! I cant get over how much better I feel by just telling ONE person! 
__________________
Politicians are like Diapers, they BOTH need to be changed regularly for the SAME reason! 
|
|
#22
07-29-2010, 08:58 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
It's called a 'support system'
Quote:
__________________
Be the love you seek.
|
|
#23
07-29-2010, 10:28 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Hi Chad!
Welcome to Soulforce!
Coming out can be really difficult, especially for those of us raised in a religious home where we are taught that being gay is a horrible thing. You are brave! It took me 44 years to finally accept myself and come out to people. Most of my friends and family were (1) DUH! and (2) loved me just the same. Some are no longer in my life, and some I'm working on still. It was a HUGE relief to come out, to anyone even. But when I told my Aunt, who is very religious, I was scared. But I thought she would love me the same as before. It didn't quite work out that way. We still talk on a rare occasion, but our relationship isn't like it was. When I came out to my stepmom, I was SO scared. My hands were sweating, I was shaking and my voice could barely be heard. I took a deep breath and let it out. She cracked a lame joke, we chuckled and it's been downhill from there. That was several years ago and she still cannot stand to hear anything about my relationship. There are other stories too, not quite as bad. I've even lost a couple friends over it. I tell you that because, even going through that and experiencing a bit of negativity and loss, coming out STILL was the best thing I ever did. For me. It was for me, not really for anyone else. A huge relief off my shoulders. It felt so much better! I'm out at work, I attend welcoming and affirming churches when I feel like going, I'm somewhat active in the struggle for equality, and I feel free to be in a most incredible relationship. It took me a while to figure out that God really loves me for who I am, not who everyone else thought I should be. Whoever or whatever God is, I am loved just as I am. There are plenty of verses in the Bible that will affirm God's love for you. Cling to those, don't listen to the negative. The stories are wound to instill doubt and fear into you, driven by the terror of hell to persuade you to hide the true YOU and be who the others think you should be. Don't succumb. Be yourself, accept yourself, love yourself. You will find that those who truly love you, like your friend who loves you JUST AS YOU ARE will be there, still loving you. the others, while it may hurt a bit, will show you that being a fake person isn't worth their conditional love. You deserve more. You are a beautiful, smart, brave person and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, or that you deserve less or that God doesn't love you. Don't you let them! 
__________________
"Struggle is a never ending process. Freedom is never really won, you earn it and win it in every generation." Coretta Scott King
|
|
#24
07-30-2010, 10:53 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
Quote:
__________________
Politicians are like Diapers, they BOTH need to be changed regularly for the SAME reason!
|
|
#25
08-07-2010, 02:31 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Doing large,difficult tasks requires breaking them down into smaller, more mangable steps. You have made several steps already.
First, you have admitted (despite your upbringing and teachings) that you ARE gay and that it is OK that this is who you are. Second, you have talked with your Mother. Another BIG step. (I haven't even made that step yet and I'm 44! LOL) Third, you have come out to your best friend! (and the world didn't come to an end!) I make light of some of this, but in reality, I know every step is excruciatingly hard. The people writing on this website have been very good and very right in what they have said. I know, because some of them were my support and strength as I have come out as a gay person. I'm not at the end, obviously, but with their advice and support I have taken many steps to being true to myself and living the life I was created to live. And in the process, I have found a man whom I love very much and he loves me. We already knew each other but neither of us had come out of the closet. Now we are working on this together. I wish I had come out long ago. But we each make deicisons and take steps as we feel right about it in our own time. I belive that is the Holy Spirit working in and through us. You will know when these times are right and for me, many of those times were totally a suprise. What a gift from God. God will bless you as you journey through all of this. Be patient. Listen to your heart. Heed the advice you have and will continue to get here on this site. Christ's Love will help you through it all.
|
|
#26
08-07-2010, 11:04 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
It is?
Quote:
I'm narrowing in on one thing you wrote above. And that is, is every step excruciating? I wonder about that. My experience has been that the 'biggies', that is, parents and family can be the hardest to handle, especially if they are religiously conservative and their stated view are homophobic. Otherwise, once the emotionally charged persons are dealt with, things can become much easier. One big step- I believe- is dealing with one's one internal homophobia. Making peace with that can be tricky. It takes time. And a great deal of compassion- compassion for ones self. All this to say: what are you waiting for in coming out to your mother? What's holding you back? Fear? Fear that she is going to reject you? Say nasty things? Disinherit you? Whatever the reason, you can deal with it- I bet- as you say to Chad on this thread - one step at a time. Congrats on being in relationship!
__________________
Be the love you seek.
|
|
#27
08-16-2010, 02:29 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Great!!
All of you guys have been a huge help to me! I could never begin to tell you how much...
My journey is getting better, I'm not depressed all the time anymore.. I've came out to 3 more friends, one sister, one aunt, and 3 cousins... everybody has been great, so loving, caring, supportive... Not at all what I expected, I thought I would be shunned from by the whole family... They keep telling me that they all kind of knew, and it doesn't change who I am... I've been thinking about moving to a bigger city... I love NYC, but I don't think I could afford to live there on my own... I'm really leaning toward Denver Colorado... Also, I've decided to change churches... I can't go somewhere that's going to judge me for being gay, when I didn't choose it to begin with... Pianoplayer, I really appreciate the inspirational word you gave me... I truly believe his love will see me through! God Bless, Thanks again!
__________________
Politicians are like Diapers, they BOTH need to be changed regularly for the SAME reason!
|
|
#28
09-11-2010, 09:02 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I officially came out to everyone today!
and I left my church in search of a church that's LGBT friendly... I feel like a million bucks!
__________________
Politicians are like Diapers, they BOTH need to be changed regularly for the SAME reason!
|
|
#29
09-12-2010, 07:11 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Hi Chad,
Congratulations! Being "out" and honest is a very freeing experience isn't it? I have not for one second regretted coming out two years ago even though there were some difficult times at the beginning. I am very happy in my Episcopal church. Also I am warmly welcomed at the Catholic church at which I am a musician. I have heard some gays say that they can't find a church that welcomes them. My experience is that many churches are affirming, and one just needs to look. I hope that you will find a place quickly where you will feel loved. Sorry I am so late in welcoming you to the forums. May God's blessings be on your life's journey. Pablo
__________________
For I am convinced that neither life nor death...neither the present nor the future nor anything in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
|
|
#30
09-13-2010, 02:48 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Awesome!
Quote:
T
__________________
"Struggle is a never ending process. Freedom is never really won, you earn it and win it in every generation." Coretta Scott King
|
|
#31
09-15-2010, 01:21 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Yeeehaw!
Isn't it a rush! Don't you feel proud!
You are courageous! A tiger! You are yourself and no one else's boy! Your example will start a cascade of others who will look at you and find their courage to come out too! You help others by helping yourself. You do not have to sacrifice to please others. It is win win! Courage is great! It is a real Higher Power!
__________________
Love and affirmation,  Forrester Tongpa Nyi (formerly Ash Phoenix, faeries evolve! )  When you come to know that your entitlement to joy is a given, All that remains is the exploration of the many different ways to let it in 
|
|
#32
09-15-2010, 01:58 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Great stuff Chad
Great to hear your latest news. Out to everyone? That is a major big deal. Good for you! And new church home? Can't beat that.
Sounds like you have made huge changes in a short time. Wow!
__________________
Be the love you seek.
|
|
#33
09-16-2010, 10:10 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Hi chad Good on you! May I suggest my church the United Church of Christ. Look up God is Still Speaking and the UCC and you can find your way to a site where you can put in your zip code and find a friendly church near you.
|
|
#34
09-19-2010, 03:40 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Wow
Thank You Everyone...
Yes Daniel, Out to Everyone! I'm still looking for a new church, its hard finding an affirming church in my area.. so far no luck... I just decided that life is too short to be anything but happy, and I was tired of not being who the Father created me as! @Scott, I hope my coming out here in eastern Ky can give others inspiration to come out, its been the scariest, most liberating thing I've ever done... The closest UCC to me is 100 miles north... not fair... So far the only person who hasn't been accepting of me is my dad... he's VERY upset... I got called a "fag disappointment and I make him sick"... I'm not mad at him even though that hurt a lot. And I don't regret coming out, its been amazing.
__________________
Politicians are like Diapers, they BOTH need to be changed regularly for the SAME reason!
|
|
#35
09-25-2010, 09:11 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Congrats Chad!
I had a similar upbringing to yours. Grew Evangelical Christian, went to Baptist college, and served 6 years in the Army Reserves. I fought being gay. Figured if I prayed hard enough god would take it away. If I witnessed hard enough god would take it away. None of those things happened. I was actually outed by someone in my church at the age of 23. It was painful but freeing at the same time. I finally realize I was happy with who I am. Now that I was out I was not going back in. Being closeted I was so worried that someone would find out. Then I would loose my standing in church and not be able to go on. That happened but I dealt with it and moved on. The majority of my close friends stood behind me and are still friends to this day. I had one friend that told me he could have nothing to do with me. That friendship is over. I don't have enemies but I do hold grudges. Friends come and go and you move on with your life. My family dealt with it. It took Mom almost 13 years to deal with it. Step dad didn't really care. My sister still cares for me. Comes down that you need to love & accept yourself 1st.
|
 |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
