Antigay bullying prompts suicide

[Tallit]

Friday morning was the Jewish festival of Simchat Torah, the day we finish the cycle of Torah reading for the year. The reading included Deuteronomy 33:24 "24 About Asher he said:
"Most blessed of sons is Asher;
let him be favored by his brothers,
and let him bathe his feet in oil."
i couldn't help thinking about this story when I heard those words.

Today at Shabbat the reading was the story of creation, and the rabbi's midrash stressed the idea that we are made in G-d's image, and specifically refered to the recent rash of suicides due to people not treating others as an image of G-d. This was a very good message, since this Shabbat is the day when the high school students in the congregation take turns reading the Torah portions.

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by Tallit

the rabbi's midrash stressed the idea that we are made in G-d's image, and specifically refered to the recent rash of suicides due to people not treating others as an image of G-d.

Yes! Precisely!

That is what we must model in our world so that our children will learn it as second nature.

[BrianB]

I just watched a film about teen suicide and other teen problems. This movie made me think about who I could reach out to in my life. It's a little bit in the "Brady Bunch" style of christian films but still worth watching. http://tosavealifemovie.com/ It's on Netflix if you have that service.

[Gennee]

Originally Posted by Rick336

These deaths are such a horrible tragedy. These children not only suffered torment, rejection, depression, and physical abuse, but they will never live out their lives and experience the challenges, achievements, and the simple joys of life that awaited them in their adulthood.

The education system has miserably failed here and they need to be held accountable. I encourage everyone to write a letter to the administrations of each of these schools expressing your anger at these senseless deaths.


Rick

Rick, a lot of those in the education system do little or nothing to combat this. many of them are homophobic. It's even worse for transgender people.

Gennee

[Rick336]

Originally Posted by Gennee

Rick, a lot of those in the education system do little or nothing to combat this. many of them are homophobic. It's even worse for transgender people.

Gennee

Gennee,

It's horrible for many gay and lesbian kids out there, but I can't even imagine what transgender kids must go through.

I think childhood should be a time of wonder and excitement for children as they discover the world around them with anticipation for a happy life ahead.

But because of bullying, child abuse and neglect, strict fundamentalist religious upbringing, or a dysfunctional family life, childhood is way too often a time of fear, depression, self-hate and pessimism about the world.

These latest suicides are absolutely heartbreaking especially when I imagine the living hell that these poor youngsters must have gone through.

Our society has got to start paying closer attention to this very serious problem and do something to stop it.






Rick

[Zerbie]

Society has GOT to demand that teachers, school staff, ADMINISTRATORS in the school district especially, take a firm stand absolutely opposing the bullying, taunting, and harassment of gay or gender-non conforming kids. Unless we demand it, the school administrations are not going to move on their own to take responsibility for this.

In my experience, the school districts are a huge part of the problem. I was laughed at for objecting when our faculty fast-forwarded through the section on anti-gay violence during a mandatory 'sensitivity training.' Only a few miles away from where Asher Brown was in school. Only a handful of years ago.

With some parents STILL objecting to awareness of the plight of LGBT kids, school boards are terrified to enact 'safe schools' or anti-bullying policies. We must DEMAND that they listen to common sense and not to the fools who say that protecting childrens' safety is somehow a bad thing.

Unless a huge number of people demand safer schools, this will not change.

Contact your school districts and demand that they protect children without delay.

[Rick336]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

Unless a huge number of people demand safer schools, this will not change.

Here's some good news about a growing movement at universities where organizations provide positive support to LGBT students who may be thinking of suicide. Maybe this will catch on in middle and high schools as well.

USA Today --->http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/...terstitialskip


Rick

[Zerbie]

Good!!!!!

It will be important for something similar at the younger grades - tough thing being, under the thumb of parents and school boards, I can easily see such an attempt being squashed. But even an attempt would be terrific.

The students are going to be key in changing this, because the bullying will stop when the bullies start to feel like THEY are the social losers for their behavior. But in the secondary schools, students will not be able to make the change without the support of the adults who are also involved (or at least, it requires that the adults not make obstacles of themselves.)

What a great idea - messages on the ground because depressed people look down. That's brilliant!

[dsdrane]

I've been thinking about this a lot and would like to share what I came up with this morning:

Here's to Fred Phelps!

Why? Because, he may be a monster, but he's an honest one and publicly stands by his convictions...to the point that he horrifies even his close neighbors on the political spectrum. These are the people I'd like to write about today.

They may be regulars at church and proudly display a cross on their chests, but were Christ Jesus alive today he would rightly call them Pharisees. For the uninitiated, a "Pharisee" was someone who strictly followed the religious rites and laws of the day without interpretation or an understanding of any deeper meaning. Jesus called them self-righteous and hypocrites. These people wore their ossified and insular faith on the sleeve and did not take kindly to being lectured by some hippie preaching about loving your neighbor and forgiving your enemy. Theirs was an Old Testament crowd; they saw no Love in Leviticus.

Sound familiar?

Today's version doesn't worry so much about dining with prostitutes (David Vitter notwithstanding), they like to "focus on the family" which sounds friendly enough until you realize that one of the focuses is stamping out homosexuality. This is easy enough if you happen not to be gay, still doable if you are but are willing to tow the line, but torture if you're some trapped teenager. Even with all the various media out there, a kid's world is very small; and knowing that who you are would be condemned by those around you -- even your parents -- is horribly crippling. The other kids get to flirt, have crushes, gossip, even fall in love (in fact, it's encouraged...up to a point), but not you. And you rail at God for making you this way. Every gay kid's middle name should be Job.

You don't have to be a Fred Phelps to create this environment. In fact, it's better that you're not. Openly-rude or hateful homophobia is unpleasant, easily-spotted and countered, and frankly too much work. It's much more efficient to have a gay person come to hate themselves rather than constantly running around to remind them that God hates them. Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving; all one has to do is plant the seed. And encourage it...

...up to a point.

I think even some of the most hardened hearts would recognize that a kid killing himself is a plan gone a step too far. And all the attempts to mitigate the blame are like wrestling with a tar baby; you just get dirtier. All the messages continually sent out -- gays can't marry, gays can't serve in the armed forces, gays shouldn't teach in schools, gays recruit, etc., etc. -- are just a slightly-less virulent way of saying "God hates fags". "Nice" people can turn their noses up at Fred Phelps, but, ultimately, they are Fred Phelps and their "nicer" message is equally culpable when a kid comes to the natural conclusion that his life is worthless and the world is better off without him.

Think for a moment about that cross you see so many people wearing...have you ever noticed how few of them have a crucified or even resurrected Christ depicted? It's not surprising, really, when you consider being a "Christian" is so much easier when you don't have to be reminded of Christ and what He might say about how you live your life and how you treat others.

Infinitely easier.

(You can check out the original post in its natural habitat here.)

[Gennee]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

Society has GOT to demand that teachers, school staff, ADMINISTRATORS in the school district especially, take a firm stand absolutely opposing the bullying, taunting, and harassment of gay or gender-non conforming kids. Unless we demand it, the school administrations are not going to move on their own to take responsibility for this.

In my experience, the school districts are a huge part of the problem. I was laughed at for objecting when our faculty fast-forwarded through the section on anti-gay violence during a mandatory 'sensitivity training.' Only a few miles away from where Asher Brown was in school. Only a handful of years ago.

With some parents STILL objecting to awareness of the plight of LGBT kids, school boards are terrified to enact 'safe schools' or anti-bullying policies. We must DEMAND that they listen to common sense and not to the fools who say that protecting childrens' safety is somehow a bad thing.

Unless a huge number of people demand safer schools, this will not change.

Contact your school districts and demand that they protect children without delay.

You're absolutely right, Zerbie. This is where much of the problem is. Districts and school administrators make light of bullying until someone is injured, killed, or committ suicide. In my mind they are accomplices in this.

Gennee

[bnmoore]

Some of the younger people may not remember this. I see similarities.

http://www.aavw.org/special_features...bstract02.html

[Rick336]

The schools need to teach and emphasize the importance of values. Values like:

Compassion
Respect
Encouragement
Honesty
Character
Responsibility
Integrity
Unity
Friendship
Helping others


In fact, values should be a required course in the school's curriculum.


Rick

[keltic63]

I am a public school teacher. There may be plenty wrong with the school system, but we can't place the blame for everything on schools, administration, or teachers.

In our buildings, we have anti-bullying programs in place. There are concrete steps we take to prevent bullying, and there are consequences for students who choose to bully.

guess what? bullying still takes place. it has become more subtle, but it still happens.

I confess, I'm feeling a little beat up in this thread, not personally, but professionally. Schools should _______ (fill in the blank) You know what would be nice to hear some time? "parents should _______"

[Zerbie]

Keltic??!?! You are a major part of the solution to this problem! I don't know why you take this personally when you have been an active part of the solution for years. If your school has the anti-bullying programs and teachers are intervening, then so is your school. No one is beating up on teachers and schools who ARE addressing the problem, and no one is saying they have ALL the blame! Parents are a MAJOR part of the problem, but yes, so are teachers and so are school districts.

I don't understand why you aren't feeling righteous anger towards those in your profession who turn a blind eye and deaf ear to these problems. There are MANY who do just that. THOSE are the teachers who need to start stepping up to their responsibility for kids, not the ones who ARE helping already.

As long as school districts are a part of the problem, I am going to say so. If yours doesn't need to change, Keltic, that's amazing. We need more like that, and that's the whole point.

[Rick336]

Originally Posted by keltic63

I am a public school teacher. There may be plenty wrong with the school system, but we can't place the blame for everything on schools, administration, or teachers.

In our buildings, we have anti-bullying programs in place. There are concrete steps we take to prevent bullying, and there are consequences for students who choose to bully.

guess what? bullying still takes place. it has become more subtle, but it still happens.

I confess, I'm feeling a little beat up in this thread, not personally, but professionally. Schools should _______ (fill in the blank) You know what would be nice to hear some time? "parents should _______"

You make a good point. It's good to see another teacher's perspective on this issue. And I agree, parents do need to take responsibility for the behavior of their kids. All of the blame can't fall on the schools.

Parents should teach their kids the importance of values.

But, sometimes the problem with that is that many parents give mixed messages about values.They might tell their kids that stealing is wrong but then the kids see them cheating on their taxes. They might tell their kids that lying is wrong, but then see them lying to their minister about why they didn't attend the church fundraiser.

And even the church can send out confusing messages. Example: "Ours is a god of love and infinite benevolence, and if you do not embrace him he will make you burn forever in hell."

When kids are growing up and learning about the world, a lot of what they see and hear is contradictory and confusing. How do they know what to believe and what not to believe? It's no wonder they don't trust or respect authority.


Rick

[Daniel]

The public school classroom that is. And there is only so much that teachers can do. Kids? They walk in with the attitudes that are- by-and-large - gotten from their environment at home for good or ill. Changing that? Oh. A bully might modify his/her behavior slightly at school. But if there isn't anything to make that change 'real' at home, it's just window dressing, nothing more. Once that kid is out the door everything changes. Without a great deal of effort, the behavior reverts to it;s default setting.

Some bully for the sport of it. Others because they are themselves bullied. While others bully because they are in pain- a lot of pain, and it gives them the sense of being able to control their feelings. Trouble is, it just adds fuel to the fire. How to stop? That takes skill. And more than what most schools can provide.

Kids are a reflection of what is going on at home. That's what I learned during my time teaching. And there is no way around that. Gets parents on board, that is, if they aren't drugging, boozing or zoning out, and all things are possible.

Too bad parents don't have to attend with their kids.

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

Keltic??!?! You are a major part of the solution to this problem! I don't know why you take this personally when you have been an active part of the solution for years. If your school has the anti-bullying programs and teachers are intervening, then so is your school. No one is beating up on teachers and schools who ARE addressing the problem, and no one is saying they have ALL the blame! Parents are a MAJOR part of the problem, but yes, so are teachers and so are school districts.

I don't understand why you aren't feeling righteous anger towards those in your profession who turn a blind eye and deaf ear to these problems. There are MANY who do just that. THOSE are the teachers who need to start stepping up to their responsibility for kids, not the ones who ARE helping already.

As long as school districts are a part of the problem, I am going to say so. If yours doesn't need to change, Keltic, that's amazing. We need more like that, and that's the whole point.

Certainly there are those that allow bullying to go on, and perhaps some neanderthals who encourage it. What I'm trying to say here is that even for those that have proven programs in place, we can't replace those with the ultimate responsibility for teaching the kids values, the parents. Not to mention the parents who think that it is ok to bully LGBT people, or who harbor some other prejudices.

Originally Posted by Rick336

You make a good point. It's good to see another teacher's perspective on this issue. And I agree, parents do need to take responsibility for the behavior of their kids. All of the blame can't fall on the schools.

Parents should teach their kids the importance of values.

But, sometimes the problem with that is that many parents give mixed messages about values.They might tell their kids that stealing is wrong but then the kids see them cheating on their taxes. They might tell their kids that lying is wrong, but then see them lying to their minister about why they didn't attend the church fundraiser.

And even the church can send out confusing messages. Example: "Ours is a god of love and infinite benevolence, and if you do not embrace him he will make you burn forever in hell."

When kids are growing up and learning about the world, a lot of what they see and hear is contradictory and confusing. How do they know what to believe and what not to believe? It's no wonder they don't trust or respect authority.


Rick

moreover, we see parents coming to school and lying about their kids' behavior in an attempt to harm the teachers. Just happened to me last week. mom sent a scathing email, with details about what I did in class to humiliate her son. the only problem is, NONE of it happened as she described it. how could she go into detail about something she wasn't even present for?

Originally Posted by Daniel

The public school classroom that is. And there is only so much that teachers can do. Kids? They walk in with the attitudes that are- by-and-large - gotten from their environment at home for good or ill. Changing that? Oh. A bully might modify his/her behavior slightly at school. But if there isn't anything to make that change 'real' at home, it's just window dressing, nothing more. Once that kid is out the door everything changes. Without a great deal of effort, the behavior reverts to it;s default setting.

Some bully for the sport of it. Others because they are themselves bullied. While others bully because they are in pain- a lot of pain, and it gives them the sense of being able to control their feelings. Trouble is, it just adds fuel to the fire. How to stop? That takes skill. And more than what most schools can provide.

Kids are a reflection of what is going on at home. That's what I learned during my time teaching. And there is no way around that. Gets parents on board, that is, if they aren't drugging, boozing or zoning out, and all things are possible.

Too bad parents don't have to attend with their kids.

parents attending with kids? it wouldn't hurt to have some sort of requirement in which the parents are educated about the goals of the school and what is expected of them as part of this "free" education being provided to their children.

That said, we can only work with the students we have and meet them where we are.

I also believe, firmly, that not only will the suicides increase with the far right fundies saying the horrible things that they do, but gay-bashings will increase as well.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. -Gandhi

I believe the fight is on.

[Rick336]

Originally Posted by keltic63

I also believe, firmly, that not only will the suicides increase with the far right fundies saying the horrible things that they do, but gay-bashings will increase as well.

I agree.

I am so tired of the ultra-fundamentalist religious groups (Muslims included) who contribute to the suffering in this world. I try to be open minded when it comes to religion but sometimes my human nature overrides my rational mind and I want to give the entire religious community the finger.

Rick

[Gennee]

Originally Posted by keltic63

I am a public school teacher. There may be plenty wrong with the school system, but we can't place the blame for everything on schools, administration, or teachers.

In our buildings, we have anti-bullying programs in place. There are concrete steps we take to prevent bullying, and there are consequences for students who choose to bully.

guess what? bullying still takes place. it has become more subtle, but it still happens.

I confess, I'm feeling a little beat up in this thread, not personally, but professionally. Schools should _______ (fill in the blank) You know what would be nice to hear some time? "parents should _______"

I understand how you feel, Keltic. Bullying can occur anywhere. If I knew that there was a case of bullying I would try to nip it in the bud. Now with cyberbullying that's very difficult to control.

Gennee

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by Gennee

I understand how you feel, Keltic. Bullying can occur anywhere. If I knew that there was a case of bullying I would try to nip it in the bud. Now with cyberbullying that's very difficult to control.

Gennee

and you know what? I just got bullied by a first grader! I was singing a halloween song with them, when 1 of them asked me to turn the lights off while we sing. I know that this scares some of the students, so I said "no, I'll be too scared" which is my way of taking the spotlight off of the ones who would be scared. One of the boys called me a "sissy!" unbelievable!