My Continuing Journey

[Gennee]

I recently read Jack Kerouac’s novel On the Road. It is based on the author’s travels throughout the country. It is a trip filled with wild adventure, madness, heavy drinking and aimless activity. I don’t know if I could have survived such a journey without going mad.
As I look back on my life, I have traveled a similar though shorter road. I traveled a bit when I was younger and some when in my thirties. I didn’t drink or engage in wild parties but observed what was happening around me. If I had not accepted Jesus into my heart I would have wandered around the country. Prior to that, I was asking questions about the meaning of life.
The past several years have been a journey of another kind. It is my excursion as a transgender woman. Like Kerouac, my journey started as my trying to make sense of my discontent. Unlike Kerouac, mine dealt with my gender. Questions about what is masculine and feminine is filled my brain. When I admitted to myself that I was a cross dresser, I was relieved. However the journey was just beginning.
Here it is over five years later and I’m still on that journey. I recently came out to myself as a transsexual (non-op). Now I’m experiencing more internal changes. My journey has been adventurous if without the drama. I have discovered many feelings that I never knew that I had. What does it mean is that I need to do is to express my femininity. It’s something that I really want to do.