Hello, my name is nicola

[Griffin]

First off, this site is AMAZING. I have never found something so exact in what I was looking for.

I should start off by telling you a bit about myself. I am a 28 year old woman living in New Zealand, closet bisexual (possibly lesbian but I don't know yet). I am a Christian also. All my Christian life (I became one when I was 17) I was told to believe that homosexuality in any form was a huge sin and that they get a one way ride to hell, no exceptions. I was sure that what I was experiencing was wrong, and that I had an obligation to either pray it away, or to remain celibate the rest of my life. This seemed very unfair to me as I did try to pray it away and even resorted to asking God to take it and lay it at the cross if it was not from him. I couldn’t understand why God would create someone to spend the rest of their lives alone unwillingly, that seems illogical. And guess what, I was still bisexual afterwards, and didn't feel an inch different to how I was before. I heard a lot of cruel things said about people who are gay, including genocide. This never sat well with me as I like to use what God gave me - a brain.

At this point I should also mention that I am autistic as well. So forming a relationship with ANYONE is difficult enough, but to then be told that these feelings I had for other women were tantamount to an eternal barbeque, I was not only sad, I was positively terrified. I am still terrified, I don't want to go to hell, I don't want God to be angry with me, and I surely don't want to have this all wrong, (funny how a decade of indoctrination on a subject can still leave its stinger in after the fact) and really have God out on the warpath. The verses that were explained here is a totally new concept to me, but since I crave logic and reason, I did a full time week long exhaustive research into the subject. I read articles from liberals, conservatives, fundamentalists. I sought help from people familiar with ancient Greek and Hebrew. And I found such people!!

This has led me to only one conclusion. The church has got it wrong, being gay IS ok, and that the terror and pain that people have been feeling is a result of hate and bigotry, but it has been Satan ordained.

I have never signed up to an internet forum before, but I simply couldn’t let this one go.

Thank you for taking the time to listen,

Griffin.