Thoughts

[pnggrad79]

I am presently in counseling because of what happened between my ex and I. God I hate saying ex when referring to her, but I guess I have to swallow that pill as well. There are so many why's that I have no answer to, and I wish I could talk to her to see where her head is at, because I honestly have no clue.

What do I do with all the things she ever said to me? Count them as lies and realize she didn't mean a damn thing she ever said? She was the only person to ever tell me that my skinny legs were beautiful. She was the only person who ever said to me, "You look good enough to eat!", and take me the way she did, and love me so passionately. Was all that lie? Was all that just BS?

It is hard for me to distinguish lies from the truth when I thought all along they were the truth. Did her truth change?

I think it is over for good. Even if she came back and wanted to try again, which would happen if hell froze over, but I have said so many times that it was over for good and it wasn't, so who am I? I don't think I would be strong enough to tell her no, if she did, because she has a way of making me melt, and she is my strongest weakness.

How do I get over her? Will she be the standard by which I pit every other lover I ever have against? How fair is that? Can I ever get her out of my brain when she was everything to me? I wish I could have a lobotomy, maybe then I wouldn't remember her.