"Sometimes it's ok to not be ok..."

[Jennifer5]

I was beyond my breaking point last week, the frequent stress-induced meltdowns were no longer fixing the problems in my life. I was terrified and didn't know where to turn anymore. If it wasn’t money or school, it was medical, car problems and being reminded of a friend who was recently killed.

I had support from a lot of people who told me exactly what I wanted to hear. When I texted my best friend though I got the help I really needed. She had me come over to her house and we talked for about an hour before I had to head home. I told her that I was terrified and that I needed help. I told her that I wasn't sure where the line between right and wrong was anymore and that I had lost control over who I was.

She reminded me that it is ok to not be ok sometimes. She reminded me that there is nothing wrong with melting down time from time to time. She told me that if I'm acting out, I'm the only one that can choose to stop that; no one else can stop me.

Franklin D. Roosevelt said, "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

She's my best friend because she can tell me all the things that I don't want to hear and support me when I screw up anyway. She reminded me that the things that hurt us are very real and that we cannot ignore them, but we do have to find ways to cope with them. Having an outlet for stress is critical; just know what you're doing. Don't wake one morning and not be able to look at yourself in the mirror.

I wanted to share this with everyone because far too often, I think that we forget when life gets out of hand that sometimes it really is ok to not be ok. We’re human.

[Gennee]

Jennifer, you have a wonderful friend. Things happen where we can get bent out of shape. It's up to us not to let life overwhelm us. It's good to pull back and assess where we are before moving ahead. Your friend had some sage advice.

Gennee

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by Gennee

Jennifer, you have a wonderful friend. Things happen where we can get bent out of shape. It's up to us not to let life overwhelm us. It's good to pull back and assess where we are before moving ahead. Your friend had some sage advice.

Gennee

She's my baby, we've been through a lot of hard times together.

[offog]

Thanks for this post, Jennifer5. My Mom passed away at the end of November and I haven't really been okay since then. I've been beating myself up for not "getting over it" yet, and now I don't feel so bad.

Best wishes to you!

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by offog

Thanks for this post, Jennifer5. My Mom passed away at the end of November and I haven't really been okay since then. I've been beating myself up for not "getting over it" yet, and now I don't feel so bad.

Best wishes to you!

"It's better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all."

[souly]

Originally Posted by Jennifer5

"It's better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all."

That´s very true, although the thought doesn´t make the grieving process any easier. Thank god for friends! They have been a huge help for me when times have been tough.

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by souly

That´s very true, although the thought doesn´t make the grieving process any easier. Thank god for friends!

For me it does help. I've had so many people that I love leave my life for one reason or another that I see my relationships differently. Many people I let go of really easily. With some of them, I'll put up with their crap endlessly because it's the only way to keep them close. When bridges are burned or someone passes away, I'm grateful that I had them in my life while I did. I'm glad that I loved them, even though I have to let them go on some level.

[Gennee]

Originally Posted by offog

Thanks for this post, Jennifer5. My Mom passed away at the end of November and I haven't really been okay since then. I've been beating myself up for not "getting over it" yet, and now I don't feel so bad.

Best wishes to you!

Offog, the grieving process is different for each person. THere's really no timetable as to when we move on, but eventually we do. If you feel like crying it,'s okay. If you are struggling, share it with someone or write down your feelings. In the end you will remember the good and wonderful things about your mother. You will be a wiser and stronger person for it.

Gennee

[Jennifer5]

If only I had known then just how easy things were. Things got considerably worse before they got better. Life challenges are just getting... normal.

There are too many great things going on to be pulled down by the though things in life. My current approach is going to be to pretend everything is okay until it is again.

[bnmoore]

Fake it till you make it actually does work. We often get way too attached to how long it takes. Everything does start with a better idea. We're the ones that have to power those better ideas with thought and feeling. And sometimes we even notice that it happens faster when we let go and let Spirit handle the details. One of my biggies was just that I forgot how to trust.

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by bnmoore

Fake it till you make it actually does work. We often get way too attached to how long it takes. Everything does start with a better idea. We're the ones that have to power those better ideas with thought and feeling. And sometimes we even notice that it happens faster when we let go and let Spirit handle the details. One of my biggies was just that I forgot how to trust.

It truly does work, although it is not always the healthiest approach. When it comes to life, if I pretend now it will be okay eventually. With relationships, if I pretend everything is okay, at this point I should be gone before I get hurt again.

[Bettie]

It's true that it's not always the healthiest approach. But e.g. after breakups it is the best solution to go on living (maybe after a week or so). After my last breakup when I had to move away all over the continent, I put all my energy into the accomodation of my new appartment so I couldn't think about him too often. I bought stuff in my favorite beauty shop Schrammek and tried to make some friends. And of course, I went to church very often to find some balance...

However, if a beloved person dies, it is not so easy to pretend nothing happened. In this case, it is absolutely okay not to be okay and it is important to grief for this person.
I am really sorry that so many strokes hit you and I will pray for you. Thankfully, you have such a good friend who helps you stand this hard time...

[Jennifer5]

Thank you Bettie. The things that I'm dealing with are a little more along the lines of a break up. No reason to think that everything won't be just fine.

[bnmoore]

Originally Posted by Jennifer5

It truly does work, although it is not always the healthiest approach. When it comes to life, if I pretend now it will be okay eventually. With relationships, if I pretend everything is okay, at this point I should be gone before I get hurt again.

I am a stranger to you. I know myself fairly well. I have a tendency to hurt myself at least emotionally if no-one else is around to do it for me. If there's no such thing as a gret how can there be a re-gret? I've stayed in relationships well past their expiration date out of a sense of guilt. Maybe I've learned something from my own pain. I don't love the "other" any less, it's just taken a different shape. It's really not a failure, it's growth.

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by bnmoore

I am a stranger to you. I know myself fairly well. I have a tendency to hurt myself at least emotionally if no-one else is around to do it for me. If there's no such thing as a gret how can there be a re-gret? I've stayed in relationships well past their expiration date out of a sense of guilt. Maybe I've learned something from my own pain. I don't love the "other" any less, it's just taken a different shape. It's really not a failure, it's growth.

I like the way you explain this! I'm try to remember that it is part of life to hurt and be hurt, love and be loved, make mistakes and move on. Regret may or may not come, but even if it does, that too is a fairly normal part of living.

There have been several people who have come into my life that I very quickly grew to love. Some of them have now been out of my life for much longer than they were ever in it and I have learned to let them go. I find that I still love them however and after there year's presence and six year absence, I wish that things had gone differently. Others I can spend an evening with and know that I should not have them in my life, but the sense of security that I regain in the presence brings me back again and again.

I always try to see the best in people. While that is usually a blessing, there comes a time where it almost feels like a curse.