thats so gay.....

[sbonser04]

This phrase is used sooo much today by people and it drives me insane. i'm part of my schools orientation staff and i am in charge of about 20 freshmen. in one of the meetings yesterday a girl was talking about her home town and someone asked what it was called. she replied with "gayness", with that my jaw dropped and i was pretty upset. so i looked at her and said "we dont say things like that in this group because 1. it is politically incorrect and 2. you don't know who is around you and who you might offend. she didn't know what to say and was just like "oh i'm sorry and sat down". no one else knew what to say either, because when she said that, there were all kind of shocked too.

my room mate does it too sometimes without thinking, but lately i've been saying things like oh thats so straight, why would people do that, and it has kind of stopped her from using that phrase as much as she used too.

[Zerbie]

Yeah, that's a tough one because it's such an entrenched way of speaking. . .I think most of the time the people saying it aren't even AWARE that offense could be taken.

Boarding an airplane last week a group of teenagers (a sports team) was in the several rows right behind us, and I heard an "Oh, that's so gay!" comment. I turned around and started to open my mouth, then thought, oh, there is no point in this situation. If I had been their teacher or coach, sure, but not as a stranger completely uninvolved in a conversation that wasn't even about gay people.

[schoolboi]

When i hear someone say it I just say, "No honey, I'm gay!" makes them realize what they are saying, and normally gets a laugh

[Jennifer5]

great response corey...

i think it's true, that phrase doesn't even have meaning to people.... so simply asking them not to say it it could offend someone... will probably stop them from using it nearly as much

[morningrob]

My response is usually "I did not know (Fill in the blank) had a sexual orientation." In your case, for example, I would have said "I did not know cities had a sexual orientation." I feel it tends to disarm a bit with humor, so the person who said does not feel as dumb as they are.

[Mia14]

Great responses, guys! Sbonser, I like the reversal of calling things straight in front of your roomate. I think that approach would work well if someone you're closer to was in the bad habit of using that phrase. Corey's and morningrob's responses might be more effective for people less familiar.

[RyGuy23]

I once wrote a letter to the editor of my school paper at UNH, specifically about this phrase. In our dorm, the RA had posted a bulletin board on which we could write our pet peeves. I wrote "people saying 'that's so gay' because it could be very hurtful to someone nearby whom you don't know is gay." Someone had responded, "Well, they shouldn't be gay then." Then I got ticked and wrote a lengthy response (saying among other things that there is no choice, etc.) with an invitation to discuss the issue in person, in a civil way. Of course, there was no further response. I decided to write a letter to the paper describing the situation, so that everyone would get my message. My RA and some others in my dorm were very supportive of my actions, which made me really happy.

[sbonser04]

Being part of the RA staff at my school i can suggest community builders to help raise awareness of some of the things we say all the time w/ out thinking about others. Also the staff at my school is soooo supportive with our ALLY (glbt) club on campus. they come to our training and hang the symbol on their doors. I'm glad to hear that about other schools as well.

[RyGuy23]

Yeah, UNH is really great that way. It has a GLBT Alliance, which is part of a larger Diversity Support Coalition for students who support equality for different races, sexual orientations, etc. If it wasn't for that, and for a counselor I saw my junior year there, I'd still be in the closet. Every single school, from junior high through college, should have some kind of group for diversity support.

[Lydia]

One method that's worked for me in the past:

When I'm around people who use that phrase I'll make a point to say something like "that's so straight!" in reference to things I'd know they refer to as "gay".

Most of these people know what a bone-dry sense of humour I have and will laugh along with me. But they get the point.