Poll on Reconciling Faith and Sexuality

[amayesd]

For those interested in participating ... How have you reconciled your faith with your sexuality (or with your acceptance of homo/bi-sexuality if your are heterosexual)? Please choose the one most significant response to the question below.

Please TITLE your response selection that closest represents how you reconciled your faith and sexuality using one of the selections below ... and follow of course with your own explanation.

_______

1. No Conflict: I have never had any conflict between my understanding of my faith and my sexuality.

2. No Reconciliation: I have not reconciled my faith and my sexuality. It still provides great anxiety for me since i am a "practicing homo/bi-sexual".

3. Grace: Homosexuality may be a sin, but God's Grace covers me.

4. Interpretation: New Biblical insights into the context and content of various Biblical passages regarding sexuality helped me to understand that homosexuality is not against God's will and infact may be what God intended for my life.

5. Compartmentalization: My faith has little to do with my sexuality so I see no conflict between my life of faith and my sexual orientation.

6. Exception: I am a faithful believer ... devout in everyway. My sexuality, while being unacceptable to God, is my one apparent weakness ... the thorn in my side.

7. Spirituality: The inner voice of my own spiritual practice has brought harmony to my faith and sexuality. I do not feel the need for "correct" Biblical interpretation.

8. Self-Denial: My faith is uncomfortable with my sexuality ... therefore I do not pursue any intimate relationships or sexual activity.

9. Love: Love is the primary message of my faith as demonstrated in scripture. Therefore love of myself and authentic love of an intimate partner are in full keeping with my faith.

10. No Sex: While I accept myself as homo/bi-sexual and find it fully acceptable to my faith to be "in love" and in relationship with a person of the same gender, I do not "have sex" with the person of the same gender who I love because I understand that sexual behavior (not the affectional behavior) is a sin.

11. Faith Community: My faith community, family, and/or friends are the most significant representation of God's love and acceptance in my faith life. Their acceptance of me as a homo/bi-sexual enabled me to experience God's full embrace of my sexuality and to thus fully embrace myself within my faith.

12. Oppression: God is clearly on the side of the oppressed. As someone who felt persecuted and poor in spirt because of my struggle with my sexuality, I feel God's loving arms wrapped around me and saying its ok.

13. Divorce: Faith was unable to be reconciled or to adequately address my sexuality. Therefore I no longer consider myself a person of faith.

14. Other?

[Zerbie]

Very interesting poll. Most accurate response here is a #1 (no conflict) crossed with #7 (the inner voice of my spirituality).

I have never not felt that inner voice. Never doubted it. As a small small child I remember learning what people thought of 'homosexuals" and I still remember my inner thoughts verbatim the moment I found out about gay men, in the context of them supposedly being terrible people: "Oh! I know exactly what these men are!! I understand this better than the grown ups do. Homosexuals are very close to what I am." (I'm bi) "Their love is spiritual. . .I hope they remember that."

There was also a powerful dream later that day which really, really reinforced my feelings.

[Jamie McDaniel]

I grew up Southern Baptist, so my eventual reconciling my sexuality with my spirituality was a journey (an epic journey from this boy's point of view.)

Looking back, I would say it went like this:

From puberty(?) to age 23
8. Self-Denial: My faith is uncomfortable with my sexuality ... therefore I do not pursue any intimate relationships or sexual activity.

Only I would add that my self-denial was so strong I didn't allow myself to believe I was actually "one of those people." Sometimes heterosexuals have a hard time understanding how that could happen, but coming out to yourself is usually the first step.

Age 23 - 24
6. Exception: I am a faithful believer ... devout in everyway. My sexuality, while being unacceptable to God, is my one apparent weakness ... the thorn in my side.

I was also completely closeted during this period.

On November 7, 1998 I purchased Stranger at the Gate from Amazon so it would be sure to arrive in a brown box.

Age 25
3. Grace: Homosexuality may be a sin, but God's Grace covers me.

Out of the closet to my Southern Baptist friends in 2000!

Age 26
4. Interpretation: New Biblical insights into the context and content of various Biblical passages regarding sexuality helped me to understand that homosexuality is not against God's will and infact may be what God intended for my life.

I become involved with Soulforce and am reading lots of books on homosexuality, the Bible, and Christianity.

Age 27 - present

I would say that #7 (Spirituality), #9 (Love), #11(Faith Community), and #12 (Oppression) had a contributing role.

For that past four or five years, it has been clear to me that gay, lesbian, bisexual, and trangender people are accepted and loved by God and that the Spirit is the prime mover in this struggle for GLBT equality.

[SolInvictus]

#4 & #10:

The latter because why I know there is nothing wrong w/ me; I'm still somewhat afraid of being intimate w/ another person - strange, huh?

Its not the social perception or conservative stigma that prevents it, but my fundamentalist upbringing basically scared me of having sex period & seeing it as "sinful."

Mentally & Spiritually, I know sex is not sinful, but beautiful & natural. What prevents me then? I don't know - possible subconscious fear?

#4 - Yes, the Bible has been misinterpreted by conservatives & I believe God created me & all of us in the LGBT community "just as we are."

Anyway, I do not want to be celebate my whole life, and I am dating (nothing serious though)... Any thoughts/opinions?

[pnggrad79]

#4 definitely. I grew up a strict Southern Baptist, and when I knew I was gay, I felt like God hated me and would send me to hell for something I begged Him to take away from me. It was like He cursed me with this and then was going to make me pay for it. That is not our God!!! When I began going to a gay church, I went in with the attitude of "Prove this to me". I needed someone to prove to me that God could love me, bless me, and empower me as a lesbian. They did or rather God did. Through a lot of reading and studying, I saw that all my misinformation was just that-misinformation. I was led all my life by people who didn't and still don't know any better and who put God in a box, and judge me when they have their own problems to deal with, much less who I sleep with. I chose to step out in God's grace and mercy for my sins, and embrace who I was created to be- a victorious Christian who happens to be a lesbian. My family may never come around, but for the first time in my life, I am free and that is what Christ came to do, to set us free.

[schoolboi]

Like Jamie my response has changed over the years. At the moment I identify most with 4, 7, 9, 11, & 12. I also have to add 14.

14: Defiance: I don't really care what God or anyone else thinks. I am spiritual and I am gay whether they or even myself likes it or not.

[Big-Cheese]

Leaving the forum. Thank you all for friendship.
Blessings

[Zerbie]

I keep editing this post because I am completely and utterly confused by internet technology! Sorry everyone!!!!!! ROFLMAO!

[paul_g]

I'm not a gay, but when I was 14 I was bisexual(or I had gay instincts), but then and now I'm still:

#6,#8,#10

#14:God is the most important person in my life...and I'm ready to sacrifice my sexuality for Him.I found peace with myself when I found peace with God.My wish(for myself) is wrote in Numbers 15:39-41.

Life on this earth is very short(about 80 years), so I may not be happy here, but I will be there in the Kingdom of Heaven......

I accepted all my GLBT friends as they are.

God bless you all!

[revtj]

I grew up being a southern Presbyterian Christian and this was a family thing, like many Catholics I have talked to, you just ARE and it's not negotiable. I suppose it's supported by the Presbyterian belief in "once saved, always saved," meaning you can't lose your salvation even if you sin.

I can resonate with almost every situation selection 1-13 looking back at my development. Number 1 wins out mostly.

I was studying to be a Presbyterian minister at Covenant College when I (once again) sought Christian counseling to understand why God would "afflict" me with homosexuality when I was certain God had called me to ministry.

The counselor told me these things I recall (it was 27 years ago!)

1. Masturbation is not a sin. He actually handed me the Bible and asked me to show him where it was listed as a sin. To his credit, this lifted an enormous burden of guilt from my soul.

2. The usual neo-Freudian crap about needing to bond with a male father figure to somehow cross the bridge into heterosexuality and make God happy.

3. A curse: He said if I dared to act on my sexual thoughts & feelings for men I would descend into a world without God, "reprobation," and that I would end up sick, diseased and in the gutter. Funny, Reformed thought suddenly excludes the homosinner, making us the only Calvinists who could actually lose our salvation.

I left the college in 1980 with an A.A. in Bible and abandoned plans for ministry. I wandered awestruck into the world of disco & homosex, and found myself. Within 2 years I had met the boyfriend of my dreams and we settled into a 7 yr relationship. Praise God I was in a monagamous relationship while AIDS was being discovered and understood.

I turned my back on the church and considered THEM to be the ones who were reprobate-- to dare to tell any of God's children they could control God's parameters of grace. As I see it now, they were the ones who had turned their backs on me and all God's gay children.

I continued to study religion, theology & philosphy voraciously and graduated with a B.A. in Religion & Philosophy. I never felt that I did not know & love God or that God did not know & love me. I decided it was a deeply personal relationship that no one else could help or hinder.

In 1992-3, I went through some deep grief and pain when the man I was dating and madly infatuated with died suddenly, followed 2 months later by the death of my father (with whom I had reconciled fully), in a car accident.

I returned to the Presbyterian Church. After all, these were "my people" no matter what, weren't they? The experience of worship re-connected me with the little boy inside who remembered every piece of the liturgy, every hymn, and it was very healing on a personal level.

I remember one Sunday looking out on the congregation and seeing people and families I had known for years. I knew which men had had affairs, which ones were drunks, which ones were secretly homo...I knew which women had lots of family money to keep their hubands tame, which ones slept around or had skeltons in their closets...I knew which children were wild and crazy and which ones were probably going to turn out gay. How ridiculous, I thought, to think that I'm not good enough for these people just because I'm gay!

But they tried to fire the organist when he got caught with a gay magazine. Meanwhile the denomination continued to drop the gavel on the side of homophobia, especially with regard to ordination. I stayed long enough to support the organist before he died of AIDS and then I left and joined the Unitarian Universalists.

I still have the letter the Presbyterian church sent me which says something to the effect that my name had been deleted from the rolls of the saints. Heresy has its price but, oh how sweet, and how would the orthodox define themselves without us?!

I was convinced of God's call on my life and chose a Midwestern UCC seminary that had already gone several years in welcoming gay students. I left the UUs in 2000 and was ordained UCC in 2004.

I practice Brahmacharya which means I even get to check item 10. Do I get a prize?

One last point to make...the reason I appreciated Mel White's article "Why We Can't Wait...For this Debate to End" is because I am tired of trying to justify myself to straight people. I share this too-long post today in case it may help a gay christian who is struggling. But I am finished trying to explain to straight people that I am not defective, a reprobate or an abomination. SO...Mr. Amaysed...if you're collecting research for Moody Bible Institute or something, you do not have my permission to use one single word of my testimony written here.

[Rubyfruit Angel]

I have yet to reconcile my faith and my sexuality. But I've reconciled my faith and other things:

My faith and being an anime fan, my faith and being Childfree and my faith and being a feminist.

One day, I hope to reconcile my faith and sexuality as well. But I'm 19 now, and things like this take time.

[Vanessa White]

What I like about this thread is the idea that many of us have gone through, or are presently, stages/transitions of how, if we have yet, reconciled faith and sexual orientation. I really enjoy and appreciate the different life stories that we see here. For me, I would say that initially in my coming out process several years ago, I was best described as 14-other, specifically, leaving the structure of the Catholic church because I felt angry, betrayed, and ignored by it and many of the members of it. I never felt unloved by God, just unloved by the church and its members. I would now consider myself to be a combination of 4-interpretation, and 9-LOVE, this above all else. To me, love is what it is all about, in regard to my church (Methodist), my family (partner and daughter), my work and personal life, my spirituality, my care for human kind. Love of my God, and my love for my fellow persons is what motivates me almost every moment of my life. I have never felt unloved by God, no matter if the issue was sexual orientation, or feeling alone, or grieving the death of a loved one. The love goes on and on......Vanessa

[pineywoods]

1 and 11 i am the son of an assembly of god minister she taught about jesus love first, the rest of the hatred bounced off --jeff

[NonLemming]

"I am tired of trying to justify myself to straight people." -revtj

I do like your responses revtj.

I grew weary of trying to use logic to justify myself to anyone several years ago. I dismissed the church, not the individuals who make it up, but the organized religion of it all. While all world religions claim to be "inspired", etc. and they may be, I realized that there was not only one door. I opted for focusing on my relationship with my Creator and decided that the man-made religions were not for me. They are for others and many of those faiths keep good people in check. But so many of these faiths condone hatred and a collective "clubbiness" that I decided not to pay my membership dues any longer. That was the single best decision I've made thus far along my journey.

Everyone is on a different path, and I cannot walk another's path for them (and vice versa), but I am a better person for unloading the baggage I was carrying so long ago.

[revtj]

Non, thanks!

I like your posts too and I value & respect your struggle with organized religion. It was a very long road for me to come back to the church. There are days when I remember that scene in the movie Romero where the governor says to him, "The church is a whore, spreading her legs to the highest bidder." Too true most of the time.

The 2000 year history of the church is more of a confession of sin from which I am called to repent daily than it is much else. But there are breakthrough moments, sometimes days, and there are good people that I cling to in hopes of an emerging church...

[SolInvictus]

My life has changed over the last few months in unexpected ways...so I would say #7 now. Spiritually and physically, I am at peace with my sexual orientation & religious beliefs: nothing is wrong w/ me or any other LGBT person - we are blessed by God!

[Montanna]

My coming out experience showed me that what I was feeling was natural. Consequently, I believe that God made me this way and has a plan for my life. After joining a church, about 4 years ago, my understanding of scripture interpretation has changed. Recently, I read a book by Jack Rogers called Jesus, The Bible, and Homosexuality: Explode the Myths, Heal the Church. In the book, in the chapter titled A Pattern of Misusing the Bible to Justify Opression he discusses how the Bible was used to opress African Americans and women. By the time he gets to the way it is used against homosexuals today, the pattern is very obvious. After reading it, I feel relieved that someone finally put in words what I know to be true in my heart. God Bless him.

[BruceChris]

I believe that Christianity, and I would hope all religions, exist to bring us the message of God's love. I guess that is my definition of a worthwhile religion. I also believe that each of us is a unique blending of male and female qualities. There is no such thing as pure maleness or pure femaleness. I am very fond of www.bodieslikeours.org/content/view/214/103 -- Dead Link
as a resource for helping us to understand some of the anatomical and genetic variations. The psychological and spiritual aspects of identity and orientation are subtle and many, and don't fit into neat categories either.

I am lucky to belong to a small, very liberal church, majority GLBT but not
MCC, which fosters the spiritual growth of all of it's members.

[ExgayBiz]

The problem is there is no thus saith the lord saying homosexuality is acceptable.

Originally Posted by Montanna

My coming out experience showed me that what I was feeling was natural. Consequently, I believe that God made me this way and has a plan for my life. After joining a church, about 4 years ago, my understanding of scripture interpretation has changed. Recently, I read a book by Jack Rogers called Jesus, The Bible, and Homosexuality: Explode the Myths, Heal the Church. In the book, in the chapter titled A Pattern of Misusing the Bible to Justify Opression he discusses how the Bible was used to opress African Americans and women. By the time he gets to the way it is used against homosexuals today, the pattern is very obvious. After reading it, I feel relieved that someone finally put in words what I know to be true in my heart. God Bless him.

[Joe Brummer]

There is also nothing saying is isn't okay! People just like to misuse the good book to say what they want to say, not what god wants to say.