Hello, My name is Dawn

[zimnah]

I don't really have much of an introduction. I'm not exactly a lesbian, though I did have a wonderful relationship with a woman many years ago, and still think of her often. I'm happily married to a very open-minded man, and we are monogamous, so I suppose I am straight by default. Its complicated when I try to put it into words.
I've read a few of the posts here, and you are all so supportive and loving, and I hope I can add to that.
I should also tell you that, although I am attending a Catholic University, I am Jewish. I have a strong belief in G-d, and equally strong beliefs in the rights of humans to live their lives without fear, in honesty and with love.
So that's me.

[BruceChris]

And welcome her to this website. Zerb, Jen, Suze, Van, tdogg, Tenn, (and of course all of the guys), whaddaya think?

P&L, Chris

[Tennessee James]

Welcome
We are happy to have you!

[zimnah]

Thank you! And I DO feel honored!

[Jennifer5]

Welcome! Glad you're here!


How'd you find Soulforce?

[tdogg]

I'll second that nomination!

Hi Zimnah! A very warm welcome to you! Glad you here. These forums are a wonderful loving place where you can just be you - don't have to really figure it all out. Everyone belongs! WELCOME

[Zerbie]

Hi Zimnah! Welcome!!!!

Tdogg puts it well - if you like it here and you "click" with the Soulforce mission, you're family and you belong here.

Okay, I'll third the Honorary Lesbian nomination - does that mean it's official now that there's 3?

Anyway Zimnah - hey - I think you're now the member with the screenname farthest towards the end of the alphabet. Yeah, I actually notice things like that.

On somewhat a more serious note, your bio reminds me a bit of my own. I'm married to the greatest sweetest wonderful-est guy in the world (aside from your hubby and all the guys on this forum, of course ) but I was once head over heels over head in love with the most beautiful woman in the world. Bisexual seems to describe it best

Welcome once again to SF!

[zimnah]

Yes, I agree, Zerb..bisexual does describe it. I don't believe we chose whom we love, and if we are open to the experience, then perhaps we are bisexual...but the connotation suggests I cheat on my husband with other women, and I have trouble with that, so I guess I have trouble with identifying myself as bi. Then again, I'm a psych major, so perhaps I just have trouble identifying myself!!
As to how I found soulforce, Vanessa White introduced me to the concept. I work with her, and admire her as one of the strongest, most centered person I've ever had the priveledge of knowing. I consulted her on a disturbing email I'd received from a friend in the UK, and she told me recently that the subject in that email came to light here...the protest in Jerusalem regarding GLBTQ issues. She gave me some invaluable advice which helped me to retain a friendship and perhaps change a mind.
I've had the feeling that Vanessa's been in pain recently, so I was not surprised by her post about leaving her partner. I don't really know how to approach her and tell her how sorry I am that she is in so much pain, and how much I wish to help her. I'd hoped this venue would open that door.
I see that you all have given her a lot of support...thank you!! Vanessa is a wonderful, giving, loving person who deserves the best. The workplace is not appropriate for me to say anything to her, but she has my support and friendship..as do you all.
Thanks again, all. It's nice to feel whole somewhere.
--Dawn

[sbonser04]

Welcome Dawn

Nice to have as a part of our SF family, cya around on campus.

Sarah

[Zerbie]

Evenin' Zim. . .Vanessa is one of the gentlest of souls. Such a sweet heart - she's loved very much here and has our support. I know recent months have been very challenging for her. Glad she has you.

Ya know - what you allude to above is totally the reason I didn't think I could be bisexual, or I woulda come out as bi in the first place, instead of as lesbian, which turned out to be incorrect. I didn't have any bisexual "role models" other than swinger-types. I quite literally left a BI meeting saying, "I'm not like these people, I don't admire these people, so I'm obviously not bisexual."

I run into that same stereotype about bisexuals that you mentioned, all the time. I "came out" to a gay colleague several months ago and he said, "You're bisexual? AND YOUR HUSBAND IS OKAY WITH THAT??!!" Unfortunately, it didn't occur to me that he was probably assuming it meant I was sexually active with women as well as my husband. I am so used to it just being my orientation, so unfortunately I answered, "Of course, how could we be married otherwise?" So, oh dear! He probably thinks I'm carrying on with girls! I am so very much the domesticated monogamous type. The only thing that isn't thoroughly "traditional" about our marriage is my orientation, which, me being swept off my feet in love with hubby, is irrelevant.

It's a shame that stupid stereotype abounds so much. It is utterly inaccurate.

[Jennifer5]

How do people get the idea that it would be that way? Who put that idea in their head?

[BruceChris]

Makes sense to me. Still, that would give many conservative Christians a reason to scratch their heads. They would probably say that you are really now an "ex-gay".

P&L, Chris

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by BruceChris

Makes sense to me. Still, that would give many conservative Christians a reason to scratch their heads. They would probably say that you are really now an "ex-gay".

P&L, Chris

Omigosh, Chris!!

I dunno about Zim, but I am always thinking, "Man! Dobson could come along at any moment and offer me a 6-figure contract!" Only, even *if* I was willing to become a professional ex-gay, I wouldn't know what to tell anybody I *did,* since I didn't do anything.

[tdogg]

I find a lot of the time, that people think in terms of how they would behave or react to a certain situation or event. So, those who automatically assume gay to mean backrooms in bars, bi to mean being intimate with both sexes possibly at the same time even, or lesbian to mean butch dykes on motorcycles picking up young straight girls - well, IMO they are thinking that's exactly what they would do! People that worry about their SOs cheating are likely inclined to cheat themselves. People that worry about others lying to them, likely to lie often. So on and so on.

Not always, but seems to be often enough. Perhaps those who are our most adament opposers are terribly afraid of their own sexuality (and therefore their perceived loss of salvation and dignity). Sad.

[Vanessa White]

I absolutely agree with that. I think that when some humans are faced with what they fear most through the actions of others, they express their opposition of it in a deeply derogatory way, to comfort their own discomfort, in a sense. I agree Jen, that it is hard to comprehend what makes persons behave or believe that way. To me, that is about as un-Christian, un-humanlike, that a person can be.

Dawn, welcome. And, thank you for your expression here of support. I would not have expected less, and I appreciate it so much. I am doing okay, and I have to believe that life will only get better. And to all my SF family members, in case I haven't told you lately, YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!

[tdogg]

Don't you worry Vanessa, you will get thru the tough times and be all the wiser, stronger and kinder for it. AND life will truly get so much better for you, 'cause that's the kind of person you are and you deserve it! Some day you will look back at your journey and know that you had to endure it to get to where you will be. I have no doubt you will find true love and happiness along the way, not that you don't have that already for yourself and with and for your daughter.

[zimnah]

Originally Posted by Jennifer5

How do people get the idea that it would be that way? Who put that idea in their head?

I think its a matter of how our culture defines certain terms. If I say I am female, even though that is my sex, it is also defined as my gender. If I say I am bisexual, then the only real definition we have is that I am able to feel sexual attraction to both genders. Because the concept of sexual attraction (and its normal resulting activity) is linked directly with the term, people immediately get a picture of writhing bodies in the heat of passion...or, well, maybe not that graphic LOL
And like Zerbie said, having your husband be okay with your orientation also gives the impression that you spend the weekend in wild threesomes or some such nonsense. I suppose that's why I've never felt comfortable identifying myself by my orientation. And its pretty convenient (I feel guilty about this part) that the soul I fell in love with is attached to the opposite gender. It saved me a lot of painful choices. But I don't feel right keeping it "in the closet" as it were anymore.
Does that make any sense?

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by zimnah

And like Zerbie said, having your husband be okay with your orientation also gives the impression that you spend the weekend in wild threesomes or some such nonsense. I suppose that's why I've never felt comfortable identifying myself by my orientation. And its pretty convenient (I feel guilty about this part) that the soul I fell in love with is attached to the opposite gender. It saved me a lot of painful choices. But I don't feel right keeping it "in the closet" as it were anymore.
Does that make any sense?

Omigosh completely!!! It's VERY convenient. I never worry that people might flip out and give us a hard time b/c we're an opposite sex married couple, but I looked over my shoulder a few times when I had a girlfriend - there were places/times where I was closeted about that, and it was an extra stressor.

But hubby & I were able to get married and get all those benefits! It's really a priviledge and I'm so aware of it. I've wrestled with whether it's necessary to "come out" all the time, and I concluded that it isn't, as long as I'm "out" as an activist and don't back down on that one. Coming out as far as my own orientation (or lack thereof ) will happen naturally with my nearest friends/colleagues as it becomes relevant, like when discussing the past. Out with hubby & friends I will mention the past and use female pronouns or a name of girl I liked, or whatever, and let them figure it out. But I'd say probably 90% of those who know me 3D now, assume I'm straight and haven't heard info to the contrary.

[zimnah]

exactly!! I do the same thing. We have to think about how coming out might affect not only our own lives, but our husband's life. And the fact that we haven't "chosen" our orientation brings to mind something Vanessa once said to me...Orientation isn't chosen: it simply is. The fact that you and I have found love within both genders doesn't mean we haven't CHOSEN. I believe it means we have been lucky enough to find love with souls of both genders. Lets face it: you do not choose whom you love. If you're blessed with love, why question it?
I will also go out on a limg here and share that I knew my female friend was not going to be a long-term relationship. She was in transition (as they say), and it was a purely coincidental thing that we hooked up. But it was all the more sweet and memorable because we both knew it was limited. IT was short, intense, and changed my life.
Okay, enough sharing LOL I believe we do not choose whom we love. While G-d granted us free will, He still retained a bit of control. Judaism endorses a concept of "basheert," or "soul mate." Am I a lesbian? Probably. But is my husband my 'basheert?' Yes. What I know for certain is that I prayed for a soul mate, and I met him.
PS Zerbie, I sense tha you have a VERY interesting story indeed. Thank you so much for your support. This is the first time I've come out...and I feel a bit shocked to say that now. But its true. I've come out. Wow.
Okay, I've got to go think on this for a bit.

[Jennifer5]

Dawn only just met you... but I can see that you really are going to be a great addition to our group!