Hello, my name is David

[dmghobby]

I just devoured Rev. Dr. White's Stranger At the Gate in a day and a half. I hope to have 1/2 his courage and impact.

About me, starting with my religious life and history:

I was raised in the Church of Christ and my life story up until University closely parallels Rev. Dr. White's... Typical overachiever... If there was a school club, I joined it...active in Student Government...National Honor Society... Graduated HS with Honors... Who's Who Among American High School Students... Who's Who Among Americn College and University Students... 3 Silver and 1 Bronze Medal at the National University Forensics (public speaking) Tournament...

Attended Church every time the doors were open and never missed my Church's Youth Group Bible Study on Tuesday nights (this was over 25 years ago, and I can still remember the night of the week we had Bible Study!)...As a Senior in High School, I went as a member of our Youth Group sent to do mission work in Indiana for 2 weeks with another Youth Group from Baytown, TX... Our goal, just like Rev. Dr. Whites when he was this age, was to save souls.

My parents bought me a NIV New Testament that I still carry with me to this day to commemorate this milestone. I have used that Testament for 25 years and there are very few pages that aren't highlighted in various colors with notes in the margins. To me, It is a living document!

I've known I was gay for as far back as I can remember (EARLY childhood). I struggled with that knowledge until I couldn't take it any more. 2 weeks before starting my student teaching in Speech/Drama, I withdrew from Texas Tech University and blew the closet doors off and moved to Dallas to finally "come out". Fortunately, I didn't wind up married to my college sweetheart to try to "exorcise the gay demon" (I broke the engagement, without telling her why before leaving town).

I felt that there was no way I could reconcile my "gay self" with my "Christian self", based on my fundamentalist upbringing... So, it was either "God or Gay". Although I never stopped believing, I did stop attending Church...

My new "church" was the "church of the nightlife". Dead end job in a record store (yeah, we still called them "records" then! ) so I could sleep until noon and hit the bars...NIGHTLY. Every hedonistic pleasure that I had previously engaged in with tremendous guilt, I approached with new found "enthusiasm", burying the guilt in the pleasure.

Fasts forward over a decade later:

Fortunately, due to my political activism (I'm a Democratic Party Precinct Chair in my rural county), I invited my County Chair to attend my precinct's predominately African-American Missionary Baptist Church... For purely political reasons... We were going to "GOTV" and "mine for voters" for the 2002 midterm elections... (at the time, there was one caucasian member of the church, married to the guitar player)... The congregation obviously viewed us with skepticism, and I know now based on gentle ribbing, that they never expected to see me again... WELL, I can probably count on 1 hand the number of times I've missed services since that fateful day.

The intuitive congregants have "figured me out" but don't say anything. (I even brought my partner of almost 13 years to last year's annual church picnic!) He deserves a medal for that one (bless his Jewish heart).

Unfortunately, I am at a crossroads with my congregation... They still cling to the "6 misleading passages".

I almost stopped attending the first time the anti-gay rhetoric was spewed from the pulpit. Divine intervention, however, was on my side. I missed our next service...not sure that I wanted to belong to yet another "church" that couldn't teach Christ's love, unconditionally. Two days after missing service, my pastor's wife called to check on me. "Is anything wrong, David, it's just not like you to not be at Church"... In a split moment, I decided that it was necessary to live with integrity...I could either go back to the closet and living a lie or risk the consequences of being honest.

I explained the hurtful comments her husband had made from the pulpit and stated that I just wasn't sure that "St. Paul Baptist Church had a place for me".

(If you're still reading, I appreciate it... I have a lot on my mind tonight).

Sister Jones was absolutely devastated and outraged when she heard my concerns and assured me that her husband had gotten caught up in a moment of his "passion" getting before his "reason".

It was at this point that I went on an extensive internet research crusade to "educate" my pastor (through his wife) about the various misinterpretations and passages taken out of context... The next Sunday, armed with stacks of research, I called her aside after services and said, "Joyce, if I am to remain a member of this congregation, you must read the information in this manilla envelope and do what you can to help Rev. Jones get through this information, too". I don't know if he's ever red the information, as he's never acknowldged having done so. He has made it a point, however, to hug me after every service and whisper in my ear, "I'm praying for you, David." I reciprocate by telling him the same...

There's an interesting "cultural" aspect to African-American Churchs. There are numerous "special events" throughout the year.

Sunday before last, was our "Annual Pastor and First Lady's Anniversary Celebration". Full of pomp and circumstance. I was asked (and honored) to deliver the keynote welcome. African-American congregations from far and wide come to celebrate this event and I was quite nervous.

A prominent Pastor from a large Church in Houston drove to the country to deliver the sermon... A beautiful tribute to Rev. Jones and his wife, my dear friend Joyce. Unfortunately, his closing remarks turned into a tirade that NO HOMOSEXUAL would be in HEAVEN . It was all I could do not to get up and walk out in protest .

So now, espcially after reading Stranger At the Gate, I have a new "crusade".

If "living by example" isn't good enough for my Brothers and Sisters in my home church (after spending almost 20 years away from "organized" religion), then it's time to do one of two things. First, I will make another attempt to explain (this time to my Pastor directly why I am as worthy as any other Christian to see God's face in Heaven, then I will strongly consider visiting a United Church of Christ, where at least we are generally accepted.

A UFMCC Church would be ideal, however, that would require a drive of over 70 miles each way, which I can't afford financially. (There is a UCC only 25 miles away.)

The above is a "time capsule" of my religious live...

Now for some more "personal items:

I've been involved in 2 long-term relationships. The first ended in the mid-'80's with a suicide. Peter was the first person I had ever known with HIV/AIDS. After almost a year of uncertainty when his time would come (it was still an automatic death sentence then), he made his first suicide attempt. The last year was spent with his mother and I rotating a 24/7 suicide vigil, at his doctor's orders. Sadly, in a lapse of judgement, Peter was left alone long enough to accomplish his goal.

After wandering aimlessly for several years, and participating in all the destructive behaviors that can be associated with the loss of a spouse, I finally met my current partner... Speaking of destructive behavior, we met (ironically) at a bath house in Denver... Both of our collective sets of friends said it would never last... We are polar opposites... I'm outgoing (verbose?) and he is much more reserved...

He was a "real cowboy" and I was a loft-dwelling confirmed urbanite (although, I had grown up 1 generation of the family dairy farm...which my siblings and I were shipped to every summer to learn how to do "real work"). He ran in a very affluent circle and I was decidedly "middle class" (and proud to have made it THAT far, considering my family was decidedly DEEP BLUE collar). He loved horses, I was terrified of them (having been thrown by a possessed Shetland Pony as a child).

If the relationship was to work, I had to learn to share his passion. It wasn't easy, to say the least. However, today, (as we are both HIV/AIDS and I am in better health) I actually "run" the farm. I bought my first "show horse" and he graciously took a year off from showing to support my new "interest". Since then, we've developed a nice reputation in our industry.

I do know one thing. I love the Lord and will serve Him to the best of my ability. I will do my best to educate those who have been "programmed" their entire lives that to be truly "Christian", one must renounce their "sinful, hedonestic, immoral lives of homosexuality"... Starting with my home congregation.

I hope this hasn't bored those who actually take the time to read this... I'm just "inspired" at the moment and the things I've written here have been bursting in my heart and soul for release.

Thank you all for the opportunity to free these things into God's universe.

[dmghobby]

I look forward to hearing from other members.

[Daniel]

David,

Welcome to the Soulforce forum. Boy- you are up early in Texas! (I was up late here in NYC btw)

Your tale does not bore in the slightest. In fact, it is fairly griping. That you have the wherewithall to address your pastor's ignorance is not only something (as in a big deal), it's wonderful and amazing to witness. You have one thing going for you: you've made the effort to stick around at this church. Yor pastor, if he has any salt, will do the same by putting in some real time thinking, researching, reading and praying.

Wow!

Hope to see more of you around here and as well as news of how this situation is progressing.

Again. Welcome!

[Zerbie]

A Texas-sized welcome to ya, David!!!!

My goodness, what a story! You should write a book.

I used to live in Houston, and drove along the 290 to Austin numerous times, sure I drove right by ya. Small world, huh? Now we've got family in Austin, so I still have a few ties to TX. Love those Texas wildflowers.

You are one heckuva courageous person. I'm really glad you're here and hope you'll come back and join our conversations often.

Nice ta meetcha. Welcome.

[tdogg]

Hi there DMG - a very warm welcome to you from a fellow horse person!

First, thanks for your epic, I greatly enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing such a tremendous part of your life. It's very uplifting and there are parts that all of us can certainly relate to. I'm glad for you, that you found what sounds to be like a wonderful partner! I hope you enjoy your time on the forums, it's a great place and the people are caring, warm and understanding. It's a family of sorts!

So, what kinda horse do you have? What events do you show in? I show Arabians, halter, western & huner pleasure. Current horse is a bit fresh and looking to sell and buy something a little more sane that my partner and her family members can also enjoy. On a side note - most Shetlands are a bit possessed... I've been dumped off a number of them! You gotta just keep on climbin' back on!

Glad to see you here!

[Jennifer5]

David, I have to say your life story is not in the least bit boring... and knowing several guys with AIDS this, hearing that brings me to tears. It sounds like you have a wonderful partner! and the horses sound great! I hope to hear more from you! and I hope you enjoy Soulforce!

Welcome! So glad you found us!

*also if you're ever interested there is a Soulforce Austin and Jeff Lutes, a great guy, sounds like he kind of runs it... so if you're ever interested... it's under local...

[Vanessa White]

Boring? Far from it. I felt a twinge of familiarity with some of the scenarios regarding personal development, feeling rejected by a church, etc. It is an inspiring, courageous story. I feel like once we are fully trying to be who we are as LGBT persons, and then, we have to risk rejection yet again by opening up to someone new, like the pastor's spouse for you, it is like starting over, in a way. It is so scary and energizing at the same time, at least for me. In the moment that I have been faced with those decisions, as the words of disclosure of coming out of my mouth, I feel so empowered and FREE, it is almost indescribable. Thanks for sharing, and sending out a hey to your partner as well. I hope that you both continue to have good health in spite of the circumstances. I look forward to seeing you around. Peace be with you both, and your horsies, too..... Vanessa

[dmghobby]

Thanks to all who have sent such loving and supportive replies to my first post...

Don't worry, I WON'T be a "flash in the pan"... Now that I've found this site, I'm here for the long haul!

I will continue to keep everyone posted on the developments at St. Paul Baptist Church! Our Pastor, Rev. Jones, is a very intelligent and passionate man. I trust that in the long-term, he will eventually come to see that those infamous 6 passages could have more than one interpretation...

Add me to your prayer list and know that I've done the same.

God Bless you all.

David

[Jennifer5]

"A time comes when silence is betrayal"

I love that quote!!!!

[BruceChris]

Quite a story, far more interesting than mine, I'm sure. Check out our bulletin boards, read out postings, meet our people. Welcome to the club.

Peace and Love, BruceChris

[keltic63]

Welcome David!

What a story!

[dmghobby]

it's my favorite quote of Dr. King's!

[kirscht]

You mentioned Denver in your introduction, but I was born and raised in Pueblo, Colorado. I really love the mountains there and used to spend a lot of time camping up there in my late teens. One of my favorite places was the "Garden of the Gods" in Colorado Springs where I used to do a lot of hiking and rock climbing. Unfortunately I had to leave Colorado due to my being gay and now live in California.

[zimnah]

Welcome!
Your intro was anything but boring! I too was nearly moved to tears. You have come such a long way, and you have taken on quite a challenge with your pastor. I pray you are able to enlighten him, and, through him, others.
I also pray that you and your partner enjoy good health, and beautiful horses, and the great outdoors. Me, I'm a mountain gal...not so much for the horses, but definitely for the woods.
I'll say a mi sheberach (Jewish prayer for healing) for you both. You will love it here on SF!!
Zim

[dmghobby]

This past Sunday was our Church's annual "Homecoming: Family and Friends Celebration"... Our regular services were from 11:00 to 1:30 (sounds like a long time but it goes really fast! FYI, predominately African American Church...) The Homecoming was from 3:00-7:00

We had a number of guests for our morning service, and Pastor Jones actually started the service welcoming our guests by saying, "EVERYONE is welcome here...it doesn't matter of your gay or homosexual, black, white, yellow or brown". I WAS STUNNED! After the welcome, he said, "Now, I want everyone to stand and introduce yourself around." I made a bee-line for his wife, hugged her and whispered in her ear, "I am SO proud of your husband for what he just said!"... She was equally stunned, not knowing that was a part of his welcome.

I then hugged Pastor Jones and whispered in his ear, "Thank you, and you KNOW what for!". With a tear in his eye, he said, "David, I love you."

Between services, I decided to stay at the Church. I spent from 2:00 until service time with Pastor Jones in his office... It was a WONDERFUL, in not completely satisfying, experience!

We talked around "the issue" for a while, as I felt him out for his state of mind and then decided to jump in with both feet... I explained how the saga of Sodom and Gemorrah had been misinterpreted as a defense for anti-homosexuality in the church... He was actually fascinated and AGREED that, indeed, the story was about greed, not caring for one another and even male rape vs. consensual homosexual sex!

One down, 6 to go...

From there, I ventured into the holiness code... Pastor Jones is a very heterosexual African-American man with all the preconceived notions and biases towards homosexuals that go along with his ethnicity... I asked him if he liked to toss a football around... He said, "heck, yeah!"... Which led me to ask him what footballs were made from ... He smiled and replied, "Pigskin"... "Hmmmm," said I, "isn't that a violation of the Holiness Code?"... Before he could answer, I asked, "How do you feel about crawfish?"... "OOOOOH, I love a good crawfish boil!".... "Hmmmm, crustaceans....Now you've violated the Holiness Code twice Pastor! Thank goodness we no longer put people to death for those violations!" At this point he said, "I think I see where you're going with this". To which I responded, "yes, Al, 'the Church' has chosen to release all of the Holiness Code but this one verse! We don't have the luxury of picking and choosing those we enforce and those we don't."

As time was drawing near for our special service, I said, "We don't have time to go into the other Scriptures... Just know that, historically, we've chosen to enforce those 6 passages based on bias and superstition. I don't think I'll change your mind in one session but I would like you to keep an open mind and open heart and study on this issue, for MY sake."

It was at this time that I gave him my heavily highlighted copy of Stranger At The Gate and asked him to read it... He said, "I don't think I can...If I start trying to study and justify one 'sin', I'll have to do it for all 'sin'. I'm just going to have to let the Holy Spirit guide me on this."

I was deflated, to say the least... Still insisting on calling it a "sin"?

SO, I gave the book to his wife (my "inside mole")... She had already said she wanted to read it.

After the Homecoming service, Joyce (Pastor's wife) said to me, "I talked to Al before services started... He said, 'Are you going to read that book?' and I told him, 'OF COURSE!' "... To which he replied, "Well, then, I'll probably read it, too!"...

From deflated to reinflated!

That's the latest installment of the "Progress of St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church".

[dmghobby]

Oh, I almost forgot! I was asked to deliver the "Welcome"... Following is the text:

First, giving all honor to God for creating this magnificent Universe and everything it contains, to Jesus Christ who willingly paid the ultimate sacrifice so that we might go to our ultimate Homecoming to be with family and friends that have gone before us and to the Holy Spirit whose loving hands guide and direct us away from evil and toward all that is good…Like our home here at St. Paul Baptist Church.


To our Pastor/s…especially our guest Preacher; Reverend Jeffery Rayson from Greater Macedonia Baptist Church, Deacons, Musicians, First Lady and esteemed guests: Welcome Home!


We celebrate many special occasions throughout the year, but of them all, this is probably my personal favorite. This is a time for us to return to our spiritual roots; to be with our Christian Family and celebrate our common bond through song, praise, worship, prayer and devotion.


We are, indeed, a family…We laugh and cry together, have petty disagreements and heartfelt moments of forgiveness, share our tribulations and triumphs with one another, and we love deeply and support one another unconditionally despite what differences we might think we have… and like most families, we celebrate our UNITY by having an annual Homecoming Celebration.


This brings to mind Psalms 133, verse 1: “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity.”


Helen Keller said, “Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much”. Imagine. This coming from a woman who was physically blind and deaf by the age of 18 months. Her lack of sight did not destroy her lack of vision. Her lack of hearing did not hinder her ability to understand. Her inability to speak did not silence her voice.

Let us never forget that alone we can do nothing, but with Christ in our lives and the love of the Christian Family Member sitting next to you, in front of you and behind you we can do all things. Let us not leave this homecoming without taking this thought with us! Whenever you feel alone or afraid, remember the faces of those sitting around you now.

With Christ and your Church Family, you will never be truly alone! This is truly Good News!

Before I take my seat and join in this celebration, I would like to leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.


Dr. King said, “I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit together at the table of brotherhood.” My fellow Christian Brothers and Sisters, I am here to say, Praise GOD that day has finally come…If not for society as a whole, then for St. Paul Baptist Church. Let us fulfill Dr. King’s dream by being a glowing beacon of tolerance in our communities and provide a shining testimony to the power of love.


For all these things, let our
HOMECOMING CELEBRATION BEGIN!


At this time, I would like to welcome any visitors and encourage them to have a word:

[Zerbie]

Wow! David, what a story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dmghobby]

It was a wonderful and powerful day on many levels... In addition to it being a Homecoming service, we also pay homage to those we've lost... Very moving... One of our visitors had buried her brother just the day before the service... Her testament to her brother was profound...

[Jennifer5]

Wow, amazing David! It sounds like you have a wonderful church! Keep up this good work! Amazing Story!

[Vanessa White]

I am sitting here with my mouth gaping open, without sounding overdramatic or corny, your prayers have been answered, in a sense. It sounds to me like a heart is opening up. Initially, sounding like it closed quickly again, but given time, will open a little bit at a time. I am so happy for you and your experience, and so admire your courage with your pastor and faith community. God's blessings with you, with love and peace, Vanessa