Gay Men and the Need for Romantic Love

[Daniel]

I've been in a comitted relationship for 15 years now, but still, one cannot learn enough, right? To that end, I recently picked up Commitment and Healing: Gay Men and the Need for Romantic Love by Richard A. Isay M.D. after browsing through my local bookstore recently. It's a good book and one I would like to recommend to my brothers here.

The need for love, and its continual and active thwarting by conservatives and fundies, is a complex and profound matter, one that isn't always easily navigated after one leaves the closet.

This ol' dog (15 gay years are like dog years, right? That gives my guy and I, what, 105 years together?) hopes to learn some new tricks.

Woof!

If you are interested, get the book and let me know what you think.

The book's (I finished it in two sittings- its only 134 pages long) central premise is that gay men interact with each other based on how they are hot-wired by their interaction with their parents at a young age. In short, those with loving and accepting parents have an easier time of it- they have the necessary self-love to keep things humming. To put it another way, we all too often find ourselves blindly repeating unconscious patterns in our intimate relationships that were established long before we are aware of them. The good thing is that a loving relationship is the every medicine we need. Gettting there? Well, that's the tricky part, and entails dealing with matters as they 'are'. As is often said: "You can't change what you aren't aware of."

[Mia14]

Originally Posted by Daniel

15 gay years are like dog years, right?

I think relationships can definitely be likened to the lifespan of a dog. The puppy years can sometimes be crazy and it takes a while to get trained!

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by Daniel

The book's (I finished it in two sittings- its only 134 pages long) central premise is that gay men interact with each other based on how they are hot-wired by their interaction with their parents at a young age. In short, those with loving and accepting parents have an easier time of it- they have the necessary self-love to keep things humming. To put it another way, we all too often find ourselves blindly repeating unconscious patterns in our intimate relationships that were established long before we are aware of them. The good thing is that a loving relationship is the every medicine we need. Gettting there? Well, that's the tricky part, and entails dealing with matters as they 'are'. As is often said: "You can't change what you aren't aware of."

Very logical, actually. We're ALL adaptable growing up, and therefore as we grow up we are wired to respond in ways that worked when we were little. The brain learns that THAT'S the way to behave in order to Fill In The Blank (survive, be loved, get what one wants, and so forth.)

It makes complete sense that a logical extension of this observation would be that gay persons who were affirmed in their home environment would tend to have an advantage over those who were shamed and rejected. Shaming and rejecting a child for any reason is child abuse.

Thanks for sharing, Daniel. The book sounds interesting.