Christian and gay? I need help with this

[mikedxn]

Greetings,

I had hoped the subject line would get attention. I am writing today for advice, help and prayer.

I am a gay man who is Christian and currently lives in the small town of Logan, Ohio, which is about an hour southeast from Columbus. I moved out of my hometown of Columbus with my now ex partner in 2001, to be closer to his family in this part of the state. After moving here I began to find myself slowly slipping back into the closet which has been quite a heavy burden on my spirit. However I did find a church here where I have made a few friends and have the Pastors understanding and support. Unfortunately, his position prevents him from taking a public stand in support of Gays. Also since being here, I have become very involved in the church with taking part in pulling together our contemporary service on Sunday evenings. My main duty is audio and video, where I set up, maintain and operate the sound and video equipment. In the past I have also produced a radio program for the church to air on the local radio station in my own studio (I am a former radio guy). As well as serving for our church, I also offer my sound and video service to others outside of the church, whether in our fellowship hall or an outside location.

This is the reason I am writing. I have felt such a burden on my spirit because of the more fundamental religious views I face on a regular basis. Until now I have just been quiet but have such strong and important beliefs that I need to speak out and openly be who I am, a Christian who is Gay. One of the events I regularly do sound for is a gospel "songfest" (Christian karaoke), yes it can be as bad as you imagine... Anyway, as well as music, people recite readings (poems, news articles, scriptures), and since I have been involved in this group for over 2 years, I decided to read something I had recently written. (WRITING AT END OF POST, some of you may have read it before)

The reading was about how many types of Christians there are. Keeping in mind how many older fundamental Christians that were there, I was nervous to present my writing to them. But took a deep breath and did. Everyone seemed to like what I was reading until I got to the line "and even Gays who are Christian, I know many......." I actually heard groans and gasps, which caused me to read a bit faster. After I finished, there was actually applause, and many people said they liked what I read and it needed to be said more often. That made me feel good until about 20 minutes later. A minister just had to get up and take over the mic, he hadn’t even signed up for any time, and said "I just have to say this, there are NO Christians who could ever be HOMOSEXUAL. If you truly give your life to the Lord, He will cleans that filth from you so you can be clean in Christ".

Needles to say, I was very upset and was tempted to stop the evening then and there. Or walk up and challenge his love and compassion for others. Instead I went into the kitchen to clam down, where Judy was, a nice lady who is always there with me to set things up. I asked her, "what is that man’s name?", and she said "don’t worry about him, no one likes him anyway". Which was nice to hear, but I felt I had something important to say and was just fuming to be heard. I truly feel my Christianity and faith had been challenged and these people need to be educated. Anyway the evening ended and many could see how upset I was. Unfortunately, I did not take that moment to be open and I simply said to a few that were trying to console me that I have known many gay Christians and that no one has the right to condemn or challenge another’s faith unless they have walked in his or her shoes.

Here is my dilemma, I truly want to follow up with another writing where I share my own faith testimony. I want to share how much I hated myself until I opened my heart and life to Jesus Christ. They need to know I had even attempted suicide twice before this back in the 1980's. In October of 1993, I truly turned my life over to Christ, and that yes, I have been on my knees, crying and praying that God take this from me. It was then that I honestly felt the hand of God take hold of me and assure me that I was exactly who I was meant to be, a Christian man who is Gay. Since then, I have studied so much relating to the suspected cause and how science can actually show the differences in some cases. As well in the many writings, explaining the scripture that are so widely misinterpreted. I am asking for help in what I should say this next time and am looking for some actual support. Even though I know people here that I am out to, none of them are gay or know the struggle we face personally. I feel so alone and isolated here. I am asking for prayers for the strength and wisdom as well as someone personal that I may be able to talk with and even attend our next songfest as support. If you know of any one, please let me know.

Thank you and I am hoping someone could help me with this, our next event is November 14, at 5pm... I also have emailed this to many others over the past week and have gotten the response of "you may need to find a more accepting church". Turning away and going somewhere else is not the answer. If I am going to be an example of a Christian who IS gay, I need to be visible by those who would disagree. Nothing worth doing was ever accomplished by hiding in the dark. I am basically asking for the best way to handle this and what verbal message would be the most positive.

Mike Dixon

Logan, Ohio



HERE IS THE READING, I WROTE THIS Oct, 20, 2006

What I want to share here will seem very controversial to many, and frankly some of you will not like the message, but I ask for your patience. The last time we met here, when Pam was talking, she mentioned how nice it is that we come here from all denominations to worship and praise together. This got me thinking about the many different Christians there are from many different walks of life. It is not just the conservative religious right who are Christian, but many others as well.

There are Baptist Christians, Methodist Christians, Lutheran Christians, etc...

Christians who are Black, White, Yellow, Brown,

Young, and Old Christians

Male, and Female Christians

Christians who are Brothers, Sisters, Fathers and Mothers

Sons and Daughters, Aunts and Uncles, even Cousins.

Christians who are Short, and Tall

Catholic, and Protestant

Rich, and Poor

There are Conservative Christians, Liberal Christians, and Progressive Christians.

There are Christians who live in the City and those who live in the Country

There are American Christians, Canadian Christians, Mexican Christians, Italian Christians. Christians all over the world.

There are even Jewish who are Christian and Arabs too.

and even Gays who are Christian, I know many.......

There are Republican Christians and Christians who are Democrat, and others who are Independent

There are Christians who live only in fear of God and those who show only Love and Grace

and some who claim to be Christian, even express hate, but we know better.

There are Christians who support War, and Christians who Stand for Peace

Some support Marriage Equality for EVERYONE while others want discrimination in the constitution, defining it is one man and one woman only.

Some Christians even support a Woman's Limited Right to Choose while others are 100% pro-life, with no exceptions

Some Christians support Capital Punishment of convicted criminals and Torture of Enemy Combatants while not being charged or given a reason for being detained indefinitely

Some believe in the Separation of Church and State while others believe

their faith beliefs should Dictate Public Policy for everyone.

But above all, as Christians, who Love Jesus Christ and acknowledge Him as the son of God. We wilfully give our hearts and lives to Him. And if we are true Christians in our hearts, we love and accept our fellow man, where ever he may be in his walk thru life, without hate, judgement, or contempt. For if we truly live by grace, and by the example of Jesus, we know it is not up to us as mere men to judge others and announce ourselves as holier than they, but walk humbly along beside them, showing love and compassion for all, whoever they may be. This can only be done by throwing out all misconceptions and stereotypes of others, and getting to know others personally without outside influence. So you see, it is not the Conservative right who owns Christianity, nor do they have all the correct answers, no one does.

Unfortunately, many people who claim to be Christian, and I know there are some here tonight, would shun several fellow Christians on this list. I, Myself, have been shunned for my place on this list, pushing me away from God and Jesus for simply who I am and was born to be. But it is in our ignorance as men, that we judge others and not learn to accept and love all people, whether we agree or disagree with who we perceive them to be. As Christians, we need to open our hearts and minds to all. In that act only, do we become........

TRUE CHRISTIANS.

[Vanessa White]

First of all, welcome. I don't know if I have known of your presence here before. In reading your post, I wish that I lived closer than NE PA. to be able to come there next week and offer my support. I credit you with having great courage, as well as a strong, confident faith to read that and I can feel the authenticity in it as I read it. As a matter of fact, you sort of self-identify in the end, at least to yourself in front of this crowd, when you mention your place on the list. No one knew what place that was, but I am sure they were wondering! This seems to be so much more about faith and testament, rather than coming out. It is about expressing fully and lovingly who you are, ALL OF YOU. I know that I have had that experience also, not the same as you, but of fully embracing my faith and Jesus in my life, which I think helps me to love myself all the more. Even though being part of a church community feels so warm, and embracing, my relationship with Jesus is when I know that I am loved unconditionally. I feel sad for those persons who reject others because they believe that it goes against scripture. I follow what Christ did more than what was written about him as my example to live by. You have all of the support that I can muster in your endeavor. In speaking from your heart, fully and soulfully, we may have others turn away from us, even just for a time, but we follow that which is most true to who we are. It can be lonely following that path at times, so you might want to know clearly where you could find support, even one or two persons first, before coming out to the entire group with information that could bring on rejection to you. I wish I was close enough to give you a warm hug, but a cyber hug will have to do. Peace be with you always, Vanessa

[marutidas]

First, Namaste, mikedxn

There is no better source for advice or at least encouragement for understanding for gay people who are in a Christian congrigation than Tony and Peggy Campolo.
www.gaychristian.net/campolos.php

It can help if you get people to sit down and listen to it and to talk about it.

I personally am not a Christian, but I still think it has very many lessons that I need to learn.
With closed palms I bow to the divinity within you
---Marutidas

[Zerbie]

It's an honor to meet you Mike. You are being courageous indeed. I too wish I could go put arms around you - you are being honest, authentic, and brave in sharing your heart with your congregation. Thank you.

I'm sorry I can't offer more tangible support. But there is another member here - who hasn't posted in months - who I would think would have plenty to say to you. Awediot - do a search and check out some of his posts - he has a very "off-the-wall" style of writing, but he writes compellingly about the confines of being both gay and Christian. You might enjoy reading some of his thoughts, along with those of other members here.

All the best. Keep us up to date.

[Daniel]

Mike- I am sorry that I didn't catch this thread sooner.

Did you give another reading on November 14th? And if so, how'd it go?

Your first post really got to me: what your did was more than courageous. it was utterly amazing. Standing up and bearing witness like you did is well....pretty incredible.

I know the comment made by the minister who crashed the mike upset you greatly, but it does sound like you have support in your congregation, at least somewhat, is that correct.

Yeah. It would have been great if someone would have stood up for you and with you- and maybe that is a something to think about.

How about talking to people who you think would be your allies and asking them to support you, even stand by you, when you make your next move? This would entail much behind-the-scene work, but if successful, well worth the time and energy.

We support you here- that's for sure. But what you need are bodies and voices to back you up.

When two our three are gathered......

Much peace to you.

Daniel

[tdogg]

Hi Mike and welcome!

Just read this thread - how did it go on the 14th? You are courageous and I enjoyed reading your message. Very heartfelt, genuine and loving. Daniel is right, you will find many friends and lots of support here - but is there anyone in Logan OH who will stand up with you for the next message? That would be an awesome event!

Stay courageous, be happy and come back soon!!

Tdogg

[scott snedeker]

Hi mike!

Your story gave me a shock!

My recommendation is to be open and casual. It is very simple actually.

When you meet some one who is talking to you to get to know you the question nearly always comes up:

"Are you married?"

I always respond with:

"No, I'm Gay"

as casually as if saying:

" I have blue eyes or type A blood"

The more casual you are the more you will put the other at ease. Usually the repsonse I get is:

"Oh my brother is gay or My aunt is gay"

and the conversation continues on to other topics with no awkwardness and respect from the other because how comfortable you were to just answer their question honestly.

Because the "Are you married" question contains the unsaid but no less sought question "Are you straight" So Respect them and yourself by answering genuinely and clearly.

About the most awkward response I get is "Oh I Know a gay person but he's nice" this indiviual has predjudice and is embarassed by it. This is an opportunity for you to familiarize them with gay people and help them be less awkward the next time.

If you had introduced yourself in this fashion when you moved to your new area the minister would not likely have felt entitled to prosteletize Christ as a homophobe.

If you get opposition with being open I would give them one chance but no more than one!

I would say:

"God made me gay so that I could love another of his gay children who needs me. To live any other way than true to my nature would dishonor my God given soul."

If they don't accept this affirmation and say that you are a sinner or sick then end the with:

"This barrier to love you have saddens my heart. I will pray for you to find his light. And If you find later that Christ has evaporated this barrier in you, I would be honored if you then feel free to come tell me. I will look forward to that day and I will rejoice with you!"

---And then walk away.

It's up to them now to come to you. Further attempts to reach out to them substantiates their posture an weakens your focus on your entitlement to be

God created man in his own image. If true then sometimes he can appear to be one hot stud! No sacralige intended. God (Which I call Source) has unlimited facets. My chosen representation is Pan. He was protective of his people (shepherds and country folk) and loved them emotionally and sexually. (He liked to seduce nymphs and young shepherds) To me this is the strongest spiritual affirmation for a gay man (me) who has the sexual appetite of a satyr. Christ is a facet that represents universal love and the best example to follow.

Always Remember that You are a man with the soul of a man. When you make love to another man, you please God with the afffirmation of your true nature. It is a holy encounter. The more you love, The closer you are in connection with the spirit that knows your soul. This is why It feels good! God created you gay so that you can love another of his Gay children. There is no verse in the Bible that can leap off the page and harm you. The only harm comes from what some one or you yourself might do to you in the name of their God. Violence in spirit or material form is not God's will. If a verse causes you to feel badly, then you are misinterpreting it as it was not put there to harm you. You are just not ready at this time to understand it. Select another verse that does make you feel good for this is God's message that you are ready to understand. God wishes you to love another man so that he can share in your joy!


Love and affirmation,
Scotty

[rainbowdog]

HI Mike,
I know how you feel. I had struggled many years over being a Christian and gay. I was in high school when i figured out i was a lesbian. I took me 14 years to accept being gay and a Christian. I suppressed my feelings toward women for years. I attempted suicide twice and became an alcoholic. I have only been out 4 years. I went to a therapist, who is a Christian, and I asked her can you be gay and a Christian and she said yes. God gave me this unique gift and I finally accepted it. As far as my family goes they don't accept me as a lesbian. I do have an aunt nearby who accepts me for who i am. I am also involved with a gay-affirming church. i have been blessed. I hope you can accept the gift God has given you by being a gay Christian. Don't listen to those Christian fundamentalists because they can be dangerous. Remember John 3:16 For God so love the world that He gave His only Son that WHOSOEVER believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. GAYS INCLUDED. God does not discrimnate and He love us UNCONDITIONALLY. Remeber God created the rainbow which stands for diversity

God Bless,
Christy

[secret]

Wow.

You are brave.

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by secret

Wow.

You are brave.

it gets easier with practice. try it with someone you trust. it doesn't even have to be such an obvious statement. I often come to work on monday morning and join my co-workers in discussing the events of the weekend, except I say "Scott and I..." it seems to gently remind them that I'm very much like them, but I'm gay, and I didn't have to shove it in their faces.

[Amani]

Hey Mike, I know what you mean about wanting to foster acceptance among Christians and then facing resistance. I'm trying to do a similar thing in the Christian group on my campus, and often people don't even see queer Christians as a legitimate group of people who need to be welcomed in Christian communities. It's discouraging, but your willingness to speak out could be affecting people in ways you can't even see yet...just subtle changes in the way people think and talk about queer issues could eventually lead to bigger things.

It was actually the testimony of a gay Christian man that allowed me to finally embrace queer sexuality after being taught all my life that God condemns homosexuality, so I want you to know that your story can have incredible power. Don't give up, please...the Church needs people like you.