I'm going to hell anyways

[tpdncr4christ]

“You’re going to hell,” they told me.
“You’ll burn and you’ll rot.
And you, little faggot,
will deserve all you got.”

“You’re going to hell,” they told me,
“Because you are fraught with sin.
When you get to heaven’s gates,
they will not let you in.”

“You’re going to hell,” they told me,
“Because you are different.”
It seems Christ’s pupils,
on my damnation are bent.

“You’re going to hell,” they told me.
And I listened to them
cause I’m a little demon
and they’re a little gem.

“You’re going to hell,” they told me,
“You simply can not win.”
I’m going to hell anyways,
so I sin and I sin.

It’s sad to say, and worse to hear,
in a fashion so errant,
these harsh cold words
gushing from my parent.



What makes them right? And if they are wrong, why can't they see it?

[scott snedeker]

What happens to us (gay fellows) all too commonly is that we grow up being told we are worthless deviants. Then somebody comes and exploits our self-perceived worthlessness. We accept this treatment which beats our self worth even further.

What is miraculous is when some one who really cares sees the shining boy inside you. And then with this person's help you learn to see the shining boy yourself.
I found these to be my true spiritual epiphanies. You are a man with a soul of a man. Worthy and handsome of body and spirit. As gay fellas we belong to a brotherhood of commonality. I feel this bond of healing with many of my brothers. Something we create that most straight folks will never know.

Acceptance and affirmation of your own NATURE is the foundation of Spirituality

Some say being gay is a choice. They are half right. You can choose to be
true to your nature and experience passion, romance and love, all essential
parts of a balanced normal life. Or you can falsely pretend to be attracted to the opposite sex and live an empty passionless lie.

There is no verse in the Bible that can leap off the page and harm anyone. The only harm comes from what some one might do to you in the name of their God. Violence in spirit or material form is not God's will. If a verse causes you to feel fearful, negatively, or angry toward yourself or others, then you are just not ready at this time to understand it. Select another verse that makes you feel love toward yourself and others for this is God's message that you are ready to understand.

God wishes us to love one another (man or woman) so that he can share in our joy!

love and afirmation'

Scotty

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by scott snedeker

What happens to us (gay fellows) all too commonly is that we grow up being told we are worthless deviants. Then somebody comes and exploits our self-perceived worthlessness. We accept this treatment which beats our self worth even further.

What is miraculous is when some one who really cares sees the shining boy inside you. And then with this person's help you learn to see the shining boy yourself.

Truer words have never been spoken!

When I was a boy, I wanted to be a ballet dancer. Did I ask my parents for lessons? Are you kidding? I got the message loud and clear, without a word being said, that little boys don't dance.

The power of parents shouldn't be overestimated, but the power of Love is greater, far far greater. It brings out the dancing boy in all of us.

Why can't parents see this? They are too busy staring at their feet.

Everybody Dance Now!

[tpdncr4christ]

its an original peice... my therapist says writing is my best vehicle for communication. i have other's as well

[tpdncr4christ]

Your Mask

Take it off.
Please just take it off.
Your mask.
Take it off.

I can see the cracks,
I can see the holes,
and it's not perfect.
It's black and cold.
Just take it off.

Don't you see?
I threw mine away…
It's hard
and it hurts
But I threw it away
I took it off for you
Please God take it off.

I need to talk to you
Not this mask
Not this shadow
of who you are

I need to talk to you

I can see your face
between the cracks
inside the flaws
I can see you,
I need you.
I need to talk to you.

I am here
Naked
Exposed
And you keep attacking me
And I'm sick to my stomach
And I'm dizzy and nauseated
And my head hurts and the tears stream
And I'm scared shitless and shaking
And, god, just take it off.

I can't take it anymore
and I don't know what to say.
Just take your mask off, please
and talk to me, face to face.


Dear Dad

I'm sorry that I'm smiling.
Its hard, you see…
It's just that now
Well…
What you say means nothing,
Not the letters
Not the words
It's the emotions
Hiding
Behind your eyes
That speak what you mean.

And I'm sorry that I'm smiling
But I just can't deny,
Underneath these
Harsh words
Underneath this
Cold anger
Lies hurt tears.

And I shouldn't be smiling,
As I watch you cry
But your fury
And your anger
Are shouting at me
And telling me
For the first time
What I have longed to hear.

And I shouldn't be lying,
I shouldn't be smiling,
But I am sorry that I'm smiling,
Cause I just can't help myself,
I'm smiling because
You never said it,
And you never needed too,
I'm smiling because
You just said
I love you.

[scott snedeker]

wonderful stuff! beautiful writing! keep this up and half of us are going fall in love with you!

love and affirmation,

Scotty

[tpdncr4christ]

it means allot

[Deb]

Thank you gentlemen... this was very rewarding for me to read.

[rainbowdog]

You have a great talent. I'm not good in poetry, but whatever those fundamentalists Christians say about us burning in hell. Well I got news for them, Jesus Christ is my Savior and they cannot take that away from me I think Dobson, Falwell, Robertson. Kennedy, and other Fundamentalists are going to be suprise that we are in heaven waving the rainbow flag. They are also have to answer to God why did you persecute my GBLT children. Don't worry they are going to have to answer God why they hate us. We will win at the end.

God Bless,
Christy

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by scott snedeker

wonderful stuff! beautiful writing! keep this up and half of us are going fall in love with you!

Half?

How about all?

Completely.

In.



PS- I wasn't aware- at least not consciously- you were a dancer when I wrote my earlier post. That's interesting.

[Pablo Rafael]

Austin,

Your poems are awesome. Too bad English doesn't have superlatives like Italian. Awesomeissimo! (Doesn't quite work in English.)

Would it be OK for me to copy them and use them? If so, let me know and also how you would like to get credit for authorship.

I have read "The Mask" several times trying to figure it out. That's a mark of good poetry isn't it, to make your readers stop and think?

I was trying to figure out your name "tpdncr" . Until some said "tapdancer" I didn't get it. It's cool.

Tu Amigo, Pablo

[tpdncr4christ]

Originally Posted by Pablo Rafael

Would it be OK for me to copy them and use them? If so, let me know and also how you would like to get credit for authorship.

You are more than welcome to use them, just make sure it says by AJ Turner please. Where were you interested in using them?

Originally Posted by Pablo Rafael

I have read "The Mask" several times trying to figure it out. That's a mark of good poetry isn't it, to make your readers stop and think?

The deal with the mask: I had my first counseling session with my parenst about a week ago. They baisicly sat there and told the counselor everything that was "wrong" with me and I said nothing, because I was too afraid I would get sick if I opened my mouth. It astounded me so much that they would put on such grotesque masks in front of me and the counselor when they were trying to help me. Thus, "Your Mask."

Thank you all very much, it makes me happy you like them.

Austin

[BronzDragon]

Life is rather short, and what comes after can last an awful long time. We all die, soon, alone, and for a long time. Death will come, however, no use in fussing about that. Who are you, however, to place yourself as the Judge at the end of My World?

The first thing I think of when someone says something like that is Hel, daughter of the Spider and night hunter, Loki. She is mother and keeper of all that happens between sleep and awakening, death and life. She is the raven, the vulture, the condor who devours the dead to carry their souls to Nifleheim (a Norse Other World a place of absolute cold, hence the term, “cold as hell”). She is also the care-taker of lost souls, dreams, and the things that go “Bump” under a child’s bed at night. Through all this she teaches us to embrace our impermanence as a gift, and not to waste our lives on vanity and insignificance.


The next thing that travels through my thinker is that Hell as a place of punishment is as rare as a mule’s foal. Most think of Hell as a grave, a place of decomposure, of rendering bodies for use by other beings. It is natural to dislike death. It can be both painful and embarrassing, and disappointing should it come when you are busy. come she will, however, no use in fussing about that. You’ll only shame yourself, and most likely live very long enough after the fuss to regret it.


The Holy Church would have us fear Hell. Why, pray tell? Is it for the same reason Satan has been the best friend the church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years! [LaVey, 1969]. The Holy Church has sent so many souls into the grave without ever sharing the Gospel with them in the name of greed that of course The Holy Church is afraid of Hell. All those souls there, pining for vengeance …, I’d be scared o’ Grandma-Death too.


To me, Hell is a state of mind that grows from a feeling of having nothing left. Some of us feel we have nothing left and simply fade away like a wraith before St. Lucifer’s light. Some of us feel we have nothing left and boldly go where we’ve secretly always wanted to go. We demand that raise, take that holiday, protest that ol’ Jim Crow. I ain’t got not’in’; they take that from me, I guess I get’s somet’in’.


So, to answer your question, “Aren’t you afraid you are going to Hell?” No, in fact I have coffee with her every Thursday.

[RainbowL'elly]

BronzDragon

Satan has been the best friend the church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years! [LaVey, 1969].

i think you win the gold medal for first person i've seen to quote levay on a predominantly christian board.

(go you)


tpdncr4christ-
holy *bleep* you write well. if i could do that, i'd be ruddy published already....
seriously.

i really do like what you write and i think that your poem 'the mask' is truly amazing- living a masquerade has been one of those metaphors that i have been contemplating for years- how do we cast off those masks and live without them when we have built them up for so many years and how do we encourage others to live without that protection as well?

"masquerade, paper faces on parade
masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you"
(webber)

keep writing- keep showing us what you are and who you are and someday, maybe you will publish those puppies in one brave and daring step- you can bet somebody in your family will pick it up out of curiosity and realise you are talking about them. people in our lives know so little about us until they read what we have constructed on paper and it is revealed to them that what we have been saying hasnt been the whole story and what they have been screaming has bored very deep within us- we take every word to heart while they refuse to listen.

please persevere and stay strong- sometimes persistant existance is the best way to show the world you mean business and the loudest, clearest resistance that can be constructed.

love you-
~l'elly.

[tpdncr4christ]

thank you, it warms my hear to hear that. do you really think i could get published? that would be cool...

[RainbowL'elly]

yes, i think you could get published.

finding publishers is always difficult and there are a lot of scams out there to try to cheat honest poets- get your hands on a copy of "the complete guide to literary contests" compiled by the literary fountain if you want to go the contest route- from what i've been reading on various poetry websites that are serious, that book will help a lot and literary contests are a good way for an undiscovered poet to go. do some research- there are a lot of good groups out there and a lot of people just pretending- message me if you want some hints- i havent been published yet, but i do know who to stay away from.

you could also always self publish- i've got a good site for that too, but it costs money to self publish and you have to do all the publicity legwork to local bookstores yourself- it's a hassle, but it's probably what i'm going to end up doing if i can ever get any cash in hand .

YES, you are good enough to publish- you are way better than good enough.

cheers-
~l'elly.

[erubre]

There is, I believe, no hell and no one is going to that place that isn't.

[BronzDragon]

Originally Posted by erubre

There is, I believe, no hell and no one is going to that place that isn't.

» Thom says: ☛ Just as the Kingdom of Heaven is spread out upon the Earth, the Kingdom of Hell is there, too. Hell is the feeling one gets when he feels he has nothing left to loose. Some of us have to pass through it to understand that the Kingdom of Heaven is within us, and around us.