Parents who throw out their gay children

[Diane Vera]

Some news stories on this problem:

* Rejection by family casts some gay teens onto streets by Elizabeth Baier, South Florida Sun-Sentinel, February 25 2007
* U.S. must do better for homeless, runaway gay teens by Deb Price, Monday, January 22, 2007
* Gay teens coming out earlier to peers and family, by Marilyn Elias, USA TODAY, 2/11/2007

I'll be posting some comments later.

[Diane Vera]

The Friday, December 15, 2006 blog entry Gay Youth Homeless: 500,000+ (on a blog called "Joe. My God") has a link to a report by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force titled "An Epidemic Of Homelessness." Unfortunately the link is dead, but the blog entry contains some quotes from it.

The NGLTF report is now here. I found an up-to-date link to it on About.com, which also has the following articles:

* Saving Our GLBT Homeless
* The Ali Forney Center

I'll post some comments later.

[Diane Vera]

According to the article Gimme shelter: The Ali Forney Center is a savior to New York’s queer homeless youth by Beth Greenfield, TIME OUT NEW YORK, June 10–17, 2004:

Gay social concerns, it seems, are as trend-driven as circuit DJs, sneaker styles or Bravo shows. And right now, says Carl Siciliano, executive director of the Ali Forney Center for homeless gay teens, the hottest LGBT issues are gay marriage and crystal-meth abuse. Meanwhile, the issue of gay kids who get kicked out of their homes and live on the streets—with many winding up using drugs, prostituting themselves, contracting HIV and getting brutalized—is receiving scant attention.

“It just doesn’t seem to be on anybody’s radar,” says Siciliano, who founded the shelter and counseling facility in June of 2002. “But I feel that it’s up to us, the gay community, to help these gay kids get their lives back together.”

...

Siciliano explains that living as an openly queer person at such a young age can be risky business. “In some ways these kids are the victims of the gay movement,” he says. “Kids are much more emboldened to come out, but we gay adults haven’t thought through the ramifications of that: They’re coming out in a state of utter economic dependence on parents who may or may not accept them.” When they’re rejected, teens are often beaten of raped (a dismally common fate for lesbians) by family members before forging into the streets. And for many gay grown-ups, Siciliano surmises, this is a reality too brutal to face. “I think that these kids embody everybody’s worst fears,” he says. In fact, he adds, it could be a reason why the community has been reluctant to embrace the issue. “The big gay-advocacy groups like the Human Rights Campaign and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force also need to step in,” he adds. “I don’t see significant change happening until they do.”

Since the above was published, the NGLTF has at least written the report I mentioned in a previous post. I'm not sure what else the NGLTF has done, if anything.

[Diane Vera]

According to the article Rejection by family casts some gay teens onto streets by Elizabeth Baier, South Florida Sun-Sentinel, February 25 2007:

Gay youth advocates estimate Moore is one of thousands of gay, bisexual or transgendered young people who have become homeless after their families reject them. The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and the National Coalition for the Homeless recently released a report that estimates as many as 672,000, or nearly 42 percent of all homeless youth nationwide, identify themselves as gay or lesbian. That is a large share of the nation's gay population, which is usually estimated at 3 percent to 5 percent of total population.

According to the column U.S. must do better for homeless, runaway gay teens by Deb Price, Monday, January 22, 2007:

An appalling number of young people -- as many as 1.6 million, the federal government estimates -- are homeless or runaways. And even though a small fraction of teens are gay, more than 40 percent of homeless youth are gay, the National Runaway Switchboard finds.

The new report is a wakeup call for lawmakers and social service agencies: So much hostility and violence are directed at gay teens in foster care, homeless shelters or correctional facilities that many conclude they're safer living on a sidewalk. Our nation is failing these kids.

...

But this isn't just a government problem. Every American adult ought to hear the horrifying numbers in this report as a wakeup call to work harder to make our society more tolerant of diversity. One-quarter of homeless gay youth are throwaways -- teenagers thrown out of their homes because of their sexual orientation. As James, another teen profiled in the report, was told by his mother, "You're going to be straight or you're not going to live here anymore."

Plenty of kids living on the streets ran away from home to escape being beaten for being gay. Helping to create a society that teaches parents that every child deserves a loving home is up to every adult, not just those of us who're gay. (Any parent needing help in coming to terms with a gay child should contact P-FLAG at 866-627-9749.)

[Diane Vera]

Anyhow, the reason I'm bringing this up is that I'm wondering if Soulforce might be interested in incorporating this issue into its activism somehow. If nothing else, the very existence of this problem can be cited as one of the more horrendous consequences of institutionalized anti-gay prejudice.

It has also occurred to me to wonder if Soulforce might consider attempting dialogue with the pastors of churches attended by parents who are known to have thrown their kids out for being gay, or whose kids have run away due to being beaten or otherwise maltreated for being gay. (The names of such parents, and their churches, could be gotten from the kids.)

It has occurred to me that, perhaps, if a dialogue is focussed on an attempt to help a concrete, specific family, this might perhaps get further than a more generic dialogue about homosexuality.

What do others here think of this idea?

[scorpiogirl]

I think it would be great if Soulforce could help out and give this problem the attention it deserves. The fear of becoming homeless is why so many of my friends are not out to their parents. It's why I didn't come out to my mom right away, and it's why I'm still not out to my dad. The fear of being dumped out on the street with the garbage after being a beloved child minutes before is a strong motivator for staying in the closet and not living the healthy life people deserve to live. If something could be done about this it would benefit everyone involved.

[Diane Vera]

Apparently there are actually churches out there that outright advocate parents throwing gay kids out of the house!

See this post by fbryanf in the thread B.Ryan.F.'s Late Introduction.

In my opinion, such churches deserve, at the very least, to be publicly shamed for their inhumanity.

[Alecto]

Because nothing says "family values" quite like throwing your kid out of the house.
: - /

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by scorpiogirl

I think it would be great if Soulforce could help out and give this problem the attention it deserves. The fear of becoming homeless is why so many of my friends are not out to their parents. It's why I didn't come out to my mom right away, and it's why I'm still not out to my dad. The fear of being dumped out on the street with the garbage after being a beloved child minutes before is a strong motivator for staying in the closet and not living the healthy life people deserve to live. If something could be done about this it would benefit everyone involved.

Uh huh! It's been going on for generations, it isn't new. I don't know what can be done specifically - rather a broad effort of reaching out and letting people know what gay is and what it isn't.

Unfortunately, talk of "loving" your gay child by refusing to accept their self-identity (in order to in the long run, discourage them from self-acceptance because they figure that will save souls) leads many parents to tell their gay kids to leave and not come back til they're straight (ie: til they're someone else.)

As to the irony of calling it "family values," Alecto - I've seen "christians" call parents who review the reality in front of them and move to accept their gay kids "hypocrites" for doing so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[u-dog]

This whole topic just makes me so angry that I am rendered inarticulate!!

As a parent and as a son of loving parents I have to say that I consider any parent who throws their child away to be sub-human ... pond scum... beneath contempt! I would not want to be them on the day that they must stand before the throne because it won't be pretty.

Dave the Dad

[Zach]

My name is Zach and I am 9. I hope before you judge based on my age you will listen to me. I just want to share with you an organization that helps kids that are homeless or street kids. They don't care if they are gay or straight. It is called www.Standupforkids.org I know Rick the founder and he is great. They have an awesome program. I make backpacks for homeless and street kids. they go out to Standup for kids offices all over the country and they all have trained counsilors that help the kids anyway they can. Also April 20-21 about 40 kids here in Tampa will be spending 24 hours simulating being homeless to bring awareness to the 1.6 million kids that really are in this country. 30% to 40% of those kids are gay, lesbian, transgender or questioning. The kids will be coming from several different schools and normal these kids would not socialize but they are coming together for this event. The money and supplies raised will go to my foundation the Little Red Wagon Foundation so I can continue making backpacks to provide food and supplies to the kids. A lot of times the kids do not trust adults and so it is not just as easy as finding a plae for them to stay but you have to gain there trust.
I am not gay but I think that the gay community is the best chance these kids have. I hope though you will not be like some of the straight community and just want to help those that are gay but want to help any kid that is homeless. I think if everyone wors together we can help a whole lot of kids. That is what I plan on doing with my life for the next couple of years.

[revtj]

Zach, your post gives me a greater sense of hope and faith for the future, not to mention a little puddle in my eyes! God bless you.

[antonyh]

Originally Posted by Diane Vera

Anyhow, the reason I'm bringing this up is that I'm wondering if Soulforce might be interested in incorporating this issue into its activism somehow. If nothing else, the very existence of this problem can be cited as one of the more horrendous consequences of institutionalized anti-gay prejudice.

It has also occurred to me to wonder if Soulforce might consider attempting dialogue with the pastors of churches attended by parents who are known to have thrown their kids out for being gay, or whose kids have run away due to being beaten or otherwise maltreated for being gay. (The names of such parents, and their churches, could be gotten from the kids.)

It has occurred to me that, perhaps, if a dialogue is focussed on an attempt to help a concrete, specific family, this might perhaps get further than a more generic dialogue about homosexuality.

What do others here think of this idea?

Thank you for starting this thread. I've missed it until now because there are so many interesting topics on the Soulforce forums.

It is interesting reading in these articles that 30% to 40% of homeless kids are gay or lesbian. These are the same numbers that I heard when I volunteered with Beat the Heat, a program reaching out to homeless youth in Chicago.

Beat the Heat is part of the outreach of The Night Ministry. Here is their URL: http://www.thenightministry.org/. The Night Ministry views the streets as their parish and the homeless as their parishioners.

When I volunteered with the Night Ministry, we used to go to the edge of Boystown and bring meals and hangout with homeless kids. This area has the largest number of homeless youth in the United States during the Summer. We also walked the neighborhood and invited the kids to the bus location for food and handed out safer sex kits.

The Night Ministry really does fantastic work in this area. The kids totally trust them and they create a safe place for conversation, free medical and dental care, safer sex testing and education and referrals. So if anyone is looking to send some money to a great organization...this one does a great job. They also take volunteers and this is one of the most rewarding opportunities out there.

[revtj]

The Night Ministry really does fantastic work in this area. The kids totally trust them and they create a safe place for conversation, free medical and dental care, safer sex testing and education and referrals. So if anyone is looking to send some money to a great organization...this one does a great job. They also take volunteers and this is one of the most rewarding opportunities out there.

I am familiar with the Night Ministry Outreach in Chi-town. It is a wonderful christian ministry, I had several friends in seminary who worked with it and probably still do...BLESS YOU!

[ladyinred]

I thought i would post this website as well that confronts the issues that plague so many GLBT youth.. http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/PUB...ions1404_4.htm

http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/you...h/hotlines.htm

http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/PUB.../safespace.pdf

[ladyinred]

and also the gay/straight alliance....http://www.gsanetwork.org/about/index.html

[ladyinred]

It still perplexes me why parents would throw their kids out on the streets, regardless ofsexual orientation.. After reading about the perils of homeless youth. It shocks me that these parents would not be concerned for the child's safety or welfare..

[ladyinred]

Alecto:

Because nothing says "family values" quite like throwing your kid out of the house.
: - /

Personally I say that their family values stink and if that's what they call family values, then count me out!!!!! As if Jesus would be "proud" and "approving" of such families who do such things.
As if he would promote such "values" Hmmmm I thought they were so concerned with children and their "best interests." After all ,they extol the virtues of heterosexual families and that they provide such "good" homes for their children.As opposed to those "bad", "bad" GLBT parents.

[pnggrad79]

Zach, you are very articulate for a 9 year old. I teach 6th grade and most, if eyenot all my kids can't put a sentence together much less spell it correctly. Bravo for you!

I am 46 and came out 3 years ago to a Southern Baptist family who promptly responded with "You are deceived and going to hell" They have since not darkened my doorstep nor invited me home for any holiday, never call me, and call my two daughters tainted. My father actually told me that if my children succeeded in life, it would be in SPITE of me, not BECAUSE of me. I am a self sufficient woman. I can only imagine what it must feel like for a 15 year old kid who can't stand himself/herself and feel isolated and wierd because they are gay and they KNOW if tell anyone they will face any sort of punishment or reparative therapy.

I wish I could take these kids in and give them a home. My daughters are very well adjusted, make good grades, and are happy girls. They are not tainted or unsuccessful.

[pnggrad79]

I don't know how "eye" got in front of not, but this computer would not let me edit the post. Sorry.