Who are you?

[Rick336]

I see lots of intelligent opinions on this forum but when I click on many of the profiles I see little information about the person giving the opinion. Some profiles provide no information at all. There's a screen name but no gender, race, age, or location is provided. There's absolutely nothing about the person.

What's up?

Rick Hunter

[Alecto]

I'm not sure what I have filled out for myself, but if it's blank it's 'cause I'm lazy. Other people though might want more anonymity for any number of reasons. Given the nature of the forum, and the deliberate welcome of all people no matter their progress on their journey, I think that's fair.

[Zerbie]

I assume folks are being private by not sharing names, hometowns, etc.

I'd rather have someone share anonymously than not at all.

[scott snedeker]

Rick,

I use my name but I am a public activist locally.

I have found that if I Google my name that posts that I have written on soulforce come up.

Safety, I feeel is one of the strengths of this site. handles may allow people to say what is in their hearts without fear.

[andrewlittle]

Unlike many here, I don't have much reason not to be "out", as an ally. I tend to be a bit of an open book, anyway, but by being so here represents very little risk for me.

The worst that can happen is that a church won't want me as their minister because I'm pro-GLBT. Truth be known, would I want them for a church?

I also gather that you are out and proud - from what I have read of your posts. And to that I say, Praise God. Because this place is constantly trawled by all manner of search engine spiders, I can certainly understand why so few details may be posted that could in some way be used to identify someone.

It is, indeed, a crying shame. And an indictment of the times we live in. I pray for the day that everyone who chooses can be as out and proud as they would like to be.

[squirt07]

Sometimes "hiding" but still having a place of refugee is the best for the time being. At least, this is my experience. One day, I may be able to be as open and honest as you and others. For now, I must keep as hidden as possible until I reach graduation (9 months away...December 2007).

[Lydia]

What everyone else said - it's probably a privacy thing.

Originally Posted by Rick336

no gender, race, age, or location is provided.

Female
White
23
Toronto.

[kimmyd]

Originally Posted by Lydia

What everyone else said - it's probably a privacy thing.



Female
White
23
Toronto.

I don't use my personal info because I have a gay-hating brother-in-law who once actually (desoite my lack of posted info) hacked into this site, took all my letters, and posted them on another site, then sent copies to my inlaws. The letters described my first--and last--experience of finally being with another woman--a relationship that was beautiful and perfect but didn't last due to the distance between where we live.

Despite what he did, I still feel compelled to stay as private as possible. It's the hatred and terror of being attacked like that that makes it a must

[Rick336]

andrewlittle: "I also gather that you are out and proud - from what I have read of your posts."

Yes. I am very open about my sexual orientation and have been for almost 35 years. I can't imagine life any other way. But, that doesn't mean that I can't sympathize with gay folks who feel the need to keep their sexual orientation private.

I do, however, believe that many of the imagined negative consequences of being openly gay are greatly exagerated.

Jamie McDaniel says it well in his New Years Day 2004 Soulforce article, Coming Out - A Moral Duty for Gays in America:

I am mindful that there are legitimate reasons for not coming out in the present moment. But these are few in number. One example might be a gay teenager, without any financial means, whose parents have given a strong impression that they would throw him or her out of the house if the teenager’s sexual orientation was anything other than heterosexual.

Once we have stability in our lives, however, we are called to stand in our truth. As we start the New Year, I ask you to resolve to take another step out of that closet which has held so many of us. For your own freedom, and for those who follow you, tell the truth about who you are with pride.

I agree. In the home of the brave and the land of the free, you have to be brave to be free.

Rick Hunter
Winston-Salem, NC

[scott snedeker]

What ever the consequence of being open, fear is the worst thing upon which a gay person base his/her decisions.

We all must overcome fear and base our decisions on our best self interest. I for one think that ultimately staying closeted is a poor decision and would not happen except with fear at its core

[Daniel]

I can imagine any number of reasons why a person wouldn't include more information about who they are in their profile. But in the end, I see this as self-defeating. Even if someone uses that information against one in some way, at some point we have to take the reins of our lives and be self-directed. Living one's life, even in the virtual arena, means owning up to things. That's how I think of it.

My feeling is that nothing really is so private. We can each get a pretty good handle on each other after a number of posts despite what is not said. I mean come on. Who do we think we are kidding? The words may be in black and white, but the meaning and expression of the words says everything in living color to those who know how to read.

I agree with Scotty- it's the fear that gets ya every time.

~

And you know what the downside of non-disclosure is? I find myself not really giving the same kind of weight to the posts of those who don't 'own up' to their story-line. Yeah.....a person could put anything in their profile. But you know what? If there is reason to deceive, that comes out eventually.

Dont' know about you, but I like - at least in some measure- knowing who I'm talking to.

A word or a phrase in a profile can tell a lot. And as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.

[kimmyd]

In the land of the brave and the home of the free, you have to be brave to be free.

Rick Hunter
Winston-Salem, NC[/QUOTE]

How true.

[kimmyd]

I agree with Scotty- it's the fear that gets ya every time.

Very true--but also not true enough to suffer at the hands of people like my brother-in-law.

And you know what the downside of non-disclosure is? I find myself not really giving the same kind of weight to the posts of those who don't 'own up' to their story-line. Yeah.....a person could put anything in their profile. But you know what? If there is reason to deceive, that comes out eventually.

I find that very condescending. The fact is, not everyone--or even anyone--who doesn't disclose their entire life in their profile--every little detail--is 'decietful'. You do know everyone in some measure--like myself. Actually, everything I post in my profile is true. It's just my real name that I keep private. You're also judging posters by their phrases, pics or lack thereof--like they have to pass your little test of honesty/openess before you'll post to them.

Saddest of all, you're doing that on a site that's supposed to be non-judgemental.

[Lydia]

Originally Posted by kimmyd

Despite what he did, I still feel compelled to stay as private as possible. It's the hatred and terror of being attacked like that that makes it a must

I completely understand that.

And I wasn't making fun of anyone...I just have an odd sense of humour and thought it might be funny to answer the questions.

[kimmyd]

Originally Posted by Lydia

I completely understand that.

And I wasn't making fun of anyone...I just have an odd sense of humour and thought it might be funny to answer the questions.

Oh--were you making fun of me? I was too lame to pick that up!!!

[Alecto]

I just wanted to add that because I'm used to general "forum" protocol, it didn't occur to me to use my full real name. Besides, I think a handle that I choose tells you more about me. My first name can be found in my introduction thread. I think we should really consider where we are, virtual space, before we start making assumptions about why people aren't posting all of their personal information. I'm 20 (almost 21), but I still try not be VERY aware of just how much information I'm giving out to anyone who wants to see it. Not because I'm afraid of people knowing who I am and that I'm gay, but because I don't know who's looking at that information. I'm someone who was outed to at least one friend before I was ready because I wasn't thinking about what I was putting on my "anonymous" blog in highschool. It all worked out well, and it's not about being outted anymore, but especially when connected with an activist organization instead of just some other gay space online, I don't think it's unreasonable to leave at least part of your information a mystery. I have a geographic location and a first name; I don't know why anyone, nay, EVERYONE needs to know my last name. And I don't think that that's the type of self-hating "fear" implied by people who are YAY-out. I'm YAY-out too, but I'm still going to try to protect myself on the internet.


And there are other people who aren't "yay-out" for whom the risks aren't all imagined. I had a friend who was disfellowshipped from the church of Jehovah's Witnesses, and as such also kicked out of her home, because the elders googled her name and found her involvement with the school's pride group. Again, it ended up working out (that was the year she moved off campus, so she didn't find herself without a home at any point), but that's still not something I'd wish on anyone, and certainly not a risk I'd expect someone to expose themself to before they're ready.

Alright, I think I've identified why these responses make me upset: let's play a game where we only talk about our OWN experience, ok? So, if you're lacking information in your profile, you'll have a very good response to the OP. Otherwise, you're just guessing and that's both unfair and oftentimes offensive.

[Lydia]

Originally Posted by kimmyd

[COLOR="Magenta"]Oh--were you making fun of me? I was too lame to pick that up!!!

Not at all.

But from your reaction to my post I thought you might have taken it the wrong way.

[tdogg]

Originally Posted by kimmyd

And you know what the downside of non-disclosure is? I find myself not really giving the same kind of weight to the posts of those who don't 'own up' to their story-line. Yeah.....a person could put anything in their profile. But you know what? If there is reason to deceive, that comes out eventually.

I find that very condescending. The fact is, not everyone--or even anyone--who doesn't disclose their entire life in their profile--every little detail--is 'decietful'. You do know everyone in some measure--like myself. Actually, everything I post in my profile is true. It's just my real name that I keep private. You're also judging posters by their phrases, pics or lack thereof--like they have to pass your little test of honesty/openess before you'll post to them.

Saddest of all, you're doing that on a site that's supposed to be non-judgemental.

Actually, what I got out of Daniel's words here, was an honest reaction HE has to postings by those who don't bother, for whatever reason, to put anything in their profiles. Yes, in the past we've had 'visitors' who profess to be on the forums for one reason and when the postings are said and done the true reason comes out - nothing like the original stated excuse.

I get why there are some who genuinely are afraid to put anything person in their profile. Some are afraid of the 'what ifs' and others of the experience of having 'what if' actually happen to them. Most of those we call 'regulars' do have a profile. It might take visitors a while to trust enough to put anything down. It does call to mind 'what are they trying to hide' but something you have to approach with an open mind. Like Zerbie said, I would rather have someone share anonymously than not at all.

[Zerbie]

Yeah yeah, all. What Alecto said. (Go read it again!)

It's the INTERNET! People can access this site from everywhere in the WORLD!!! For all I know, someone in the far east is riding something I wrote once, right this moment.

I find a degree of care to be wise. What if one of the anonymous posters here has a neighbor in the KKK? I'd be glad if s/he doesn't post a full name that the neighbor could accidentally find and discover he lives next door to a gay person, activist, whatever, and take it upon himself to react with violence or harassment.

Sometimes whacky crazy things happen and I'm all for not totally courting them.

Now, aside from concern about a possible worst-case scenario, in terms of sheer level of comfort - we're all at different levels of self-acceptance and affirmation. We all have different personalities from reserved to Out There (I'd say I'm the latter. ) Some folks are just never going to be comfortable with putting their biographical details on the internet, and I wouldn't ask them to. I hope this conversation isn't putting off anyone lurking out there who feels shy, self-protective, a little scared, or who simply is a private person.

Shy people, stick around!

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by Daniel

And you know what the downside of non-disclosure is? I find myself not really giving the same kind of weight to the posts of those who don't 'own up' to their story-line. Yeah.....a person could put anything in their profile. But you know what? If there is reason to deceive, that comes out eventually.

Originally Posted by Kimmy

I find that very condescending. The fact is, not everyone--or even anyone--who doesn't disclose their entire life in their profile--every little detail--is 'decietful'. You do know everyone in some measure--like myself. Actually, everything I post in my profile is true. It's just my real name that I keep private. You're also judging posters by their phrases, pics or lack thereof--like they have to pass your little test of honesty/openess before you'll post to them.

Saddest of all, you're doing that on a site that's supposed to be non-judgemental.

Well. I'm sorry my words set your hair on fire. That was not my intent. And I find your reaction, frankly, to be an over reaction. I am fully aware, for one thing, that no one can "dislose their entire life in their profile". That's not practical.

Did I say full disclosure? No. I did not. Do I have my last name next to my picture. No. I do not. Why? I have some degree of common sense.

Like Zerbie, I am glad that those who choose to engage in a conversation here do so in a way that helps them and the goals of SF and gay people everywhere. But I have to say as an observer and particpant on this site for little over a year, the more interesting conversations and interactions take place when the parties involved 'know' each other. And part of that 'knowing' is one's profile.

In the world of learning and language, a profile is a point of reference. Like points on a map, it helps one navigate.

Thank you Tdogg for catching my meaning as I intended it.