Montreat College - A personal experience

[BubbaBear]

Today Soulforce visits Montreat College. My prayers will be with them throughout the day. It was many years ago that I was a student at Montreat. Until the day they told me gays were not welcome. Follows is the letter I sent to Dr. Dan Struble, President of Montreat College.

March 27, 2007

Dr. Dan Struble
Office of the President
Montreat College
P.O. Box 1267
Montreat, NC 28757

Dear Dr. Struble,

I spoke with one of the members of Soulforce a few days ago. I was pleased to learn they will be welcomed when they visit Montreat next month. I pray you, your staff, and students will open your hearts and minds to speak with them and hear their concerns. We too are children of God and he loves all his children.

It was many years ago that I was a student at Montreat. This letter has been a long, long time in coming and I do so in tears. Even though it was about thirty six years ago, the pain and hurt remain. Montreat was my dream, my refuge, my hope and my future. For the first time in my life, I was truly happy.

I wanted to be there more than anything else in the world. Growing up, I was sexually abused. I was placed by my parents in a psychiatric hospital in my teen years because I was gay. I was abused and raped there. But, I had worked hard and graduated high school. Montreat was my future. I was away from all those who had hurt me. I became involved in campus activities and had some real friends. I had never really had many friends before. I believed I had a real future. I couldn't have been happier

I do not know how to describe the pain I felt the day I was told I was not welcome. And, that I was not to return the next semester. I was not to even step foot on campus. Still today, I remember the hurt and pain. I desperately wanted to stay. Not only was I told to leave, but they offered me no compassion or care. I felt abandoned.

I was interrogated about my activities on campus. I had never done anything with anyone on campus. I had some gay friends from Warren Wilson. They came to visit and socialize. Nothing more. But, I did admit I was gay. And that was all it took. Not only was I not wanted, but they gave me no counseling or help to deal with what was to me a scary and frightening time.

I did everything I could to stay.

Even Billy Graham's wife Ruth, daughter Gigi and son-in-law Stephan Tchividjian appealed on my behalf, but they wouldn't budge. It was a painful time and returning home as a failure was even more painful. Montreat also violated my privacy by telling a teacher friend, (who was a Montreat alumni) and the person who had referred me to Montreat, why I was kicked out.

I never resumed my education. I spent a number of years wandering and confused. I was hurt and angry. My goal had been to one day serve and help others. I had planned a career in social work. It never materialized.

Ten years ago, I was traveling through North Carolina after visiting my mother when she had cancer surgery. I took a side trip to Montreat. I drove around the campus with tears in my eyes. It was the first time in 25 years that I had been back. It was late, but the door to Gaither was open, so I went in. The door to the church was locked. I walked up the stairs and the door to the organ loft was open. I stepped in. I remembered when the Von Beckerath organ was installed. I had turned the pages to the music as Tom Stierwalt played the dedication. I looked toward the pulpit and remembered the sermons from Rev. Dr. Calvin Thielman. I thought about the times I had sung in the choir. It was late and hardly anyone was around. I then took a walk by Lake Susan. I was crying as I remembered the pain. I wished someone would have passed and started a conversation. I so wanted someone to say they were sorry for my pain.

Today I am 53 year old gay man. I have been with my partner Mike for 25 years. I am physically disabled. I know God loves me and blesses our union. But I still wonder how things might have been.

Please end this turning away of God's children. Hear our voices and know that we too want to learn and serve. Give us a chance. Perhaps it won't happen today or next year. But please listen and share with those of Soulforce who come to you. Listen to them and they too will listen to you. Try to understand each other..Please do not do to another what was done to me.

Sincerely,


John Todd

[keltic63]

John, such a powerful story. Thank you for sharing it here. I'm so glad that you've found happiness and a relationship that has lasted. Stick around and tell us more.

steve

[NathanATX]

Oh my God, John... I am heartbroken for you.

Your letter is vulnerable, non-combative, and extremely powerful. I'm going to make Mel White & Jeff Lutes aware of your letter.

"What Might Have Been" ... what a powerful image.

I'm glad you're here on the forums and thank you so much for sharing your story.

Nate

[kara speltz]

What a powerful, powerful letter!!! Thank you for sharing it with us and thank you for sending it to the College. kara

[antonyh]

Very powerful letter. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

[davidb]

What a great letter. It reminded me of some of the witch-hunts that I witnessed at my evangelical college. Love the sinner, hate the sin indeed. Glad that you adjusted and have had such a wonderful life.

I hope the visit it Montreat is productive.

David

__________________________________________________
What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.

--Emerson

[Vanessa White]

For your openness, and your courage in revisiting the source of your pain. I admire it tremendously, and am so glad that you found your way here. Peace and love be with you and the ER later this month. You are so among friends, and family, here with us. Vanessa

[Rick336]

John,

That is a very moving letter. I know it must have been tough to re-live the nightmare of 36 years ago but I'm glad you've let Montreat know the painful results of their actions.

Hopefully your letter and the Equality Riders visit to their campus will set in motion changes so that others will not have to experience this pain.

Thank you for your letter.

Rick Hunter

[BubbaBear]

I thank all of you for the kind words.

I sent the letter to Angel Collie. organizer of the Montreat stop and to Katie Higgins and Jarrett Lucas, co directors of the east bus. I hope it in some way gets the message across of just how much pain this treatment of gays can cause. While it did mean revealing some very old wounds and some very personal information it will be worth it if it can open a mind or change a heart. Or even just make someone stop and think.

Over the years I have worked as an activist in many ways. Not just LBGT issues but fighting racism and other injustices.

My partner Mike and I were the fist gay couple to have our twentieth anniversary announcement published in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. We worked as mechanics and auto body men for many years. Currently working on our own 1953 Studebaker.

My disability is from smoking. I make no excuses. My doctor says my prognosis is good and I can still have a reasonably long life. I now try to keep youth from starting and helping adults to quit.

Sorry to talk so much. I should have done it in the introductory forum. I just felt so welcome here I wanted to share a little about us. I'll be back.

I'm praying the visit to Montreat has gone well so far. And unlike some of the other visits I've heard no news. No arrests, no police called, etc. Hopefully it's productive and we will hear a report soon.

I would love to share a photo of Mike and myself with my new friends here. Is it OK?

God bless and again thank you.

[Zerbie]

Oh God. I cried reading your letter. What a tremendous heartbreak your story tells.

Thank you for having the unbelievable courage to share all of that. I am sure that your words are registering with someone who never considered the seriousness of these matters before.

I'm sorry for all that pain you went through. I am really sorry.
And I'm also glad you have a great guy and have fun stuff to do (the old Studebaker, etc.) sometimes happiness is a long time coming.

Definitely post us a picture.

[BubbaBear]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

Oh God. I cried reading your letter. What a tremendous heartbreak your story tells.

Thank you for having the unbelievable courage to share all of that. I am sure that your words are registering with someone who never considered the seriousness of these matters before.

I'm sorry for all that pain you went through. I am really sorry.
And I'm also glad you have a great guy and have fun stuff to do (the old Studebaker, etc.) sometimes happiness is a long time coming.

Definitely post us a picture.

Well, since you asked. This is us at our Holy Union in '98. We have been together 25 years and had a MCC Holy Union in '98.

[Daniel]

Bubba- Your letter broke my heart and recalled my own time spent at a conservative school and the terror of being found out, of being thrown out as I saw others had been.

And your picture made me smile ear to ear. I am so glad you have known love after so much heartache.

[BubbaBear]

A healing has begun after thirty-six years. I am letting go of my hurt. Because of Soulforce. It was because of Soulforce I finally wrote the letter to them. And it is because of Soulforce I found the love and support of others here. And most importantly Soulforce went to Montreat on my behalf, on behalf of LGBT students there and in the future. Montreat won't change their policy today. But they have been changed forever. They must now confront the damage they do and the hurt they cause. Because it now has a face. No longer can they deny the hurt they cause. I truly believe there will be many long and thoughtful conversations going on at Montreat for a long time.

I have found release and I praise God and thank him for sending Soulforce to speak for those of us who have been hurt and damaged.

I'll be back and talk more later.

Thank you.

[Zerbie]

Hi Bubba,

You are an inspirational writer. I think in that way, your goal of helping and serving is coming true after all.

I LOVE the photo! Best part (and to appreciate this you have to understand that I share a household with 146 plush animals) is that your teddy bears are wearing rainbow cumberbunds that match yours!!!!!!!


I have a thing for bunny rabbits, and our alpha bunny was right beside us at our wedding.