Hello

[vaguy78]

Hey peeps,
I'm derrick. Born and raised in the maryland/DC area but go to school and work in lynchburg, VA. I guess i'm checking this place out because there is a lot that I need to learn and also talk about.




derrick

[Zerbie]

Welcome! You've found a really friendly, supportive place.

[Jamie McDaniel]

Greetings! I look forward to reading your posts. Did your profile say you were a pastor's kid?

[Jennifer5]

Welcome! Glad you're here!

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

[schoolboi]

Hey Derrick! Great to see someone else from Lynchburg on the board! I would love to chat some time. Where do you go to school?

Corey H.

[keltic63]

welcome derrick! you'll find a lot of good people here.

[vaguy78]

Hey everyone,

I am definently glad about finding a supportive community just because It's been on crazy ride for me when it comes to dealing with issues of my sexual orientation and world view. This is a really hard time for me I guess with all that's going on.

Zerbie - Thanks for the warm welcome. It definently is a breath of fresh air for me.

Jamie - Yeah, I look forward to posting. I'm not sure if i put it there but yeah, I am a PK.

Jennifer- I'm 27, doing a clinical psych/Mdiv program which i'm not sure i will continue.

Corey- Hey man, yeah it is refreshing to know that. Right now i'm at liberty until the end of the semester and not sure if i'll be staying here or not, but we will see what happens.

Keltic63- Again,thanks for the warm welcome. I look forward to reading the post and learning a lot from here.

[vaguy78]

I guess I should share some of my story. I wasn't sure if I should just post it here or in the main forum but here it goes.

I grew up in a divided home. There was always this constant tention between peace and chaos. I lived with my dad and grandparents. I accepted Christ when I was 6 and I think I started noticing my sexual orientation when I was 5.
At that time my grandparents were the only christians. After a couple years went by, my dad became a Christian, but between the time I became a Christian and my dad became one, there were tons of horrific things that happened.

From the time I accepted Christ, I wrestled with my sexual Identity and wasn't really sure why, because I don't really know why I thought It was wrong because I never really heard about it at that time in the bible and It was not talked about until a couple of years later.

Anway when I was in middle school my dad became a pastor and that's when things seemed to get worse for me because that's when I first heard open condemnation in reference to homosexual behavior. Naturally as a result I increased the distance between my dad and I,(eventhough I was never really close to him anyway)

In high school I started to rebell and hate God because I felt like not only was i put into a situation that I didn't choose, but that I was being punished for it.

In college I recommitted myself to Christ and after wrestling with my sexual identity again, my bestfriend helped me to seek out ex-gay ministries, where I was a part of for a little over 6 years. During which different ministries tried everything from prayer to electric shock therapy. Ironically I think being apart of an exgay ministry seemed to make me more fluent in a homosexual culture more so than dealing with issues of identity.( if that makes sense)

I chose to come to liberty for grad school becuase my dad wanted me to go and because I knew there was an exgay ministry there. My dad still doesn't know about my sexual orientation, though many of my other family and church memebers know. Being in counseling, I realized i the sessions and in the classroom that God loved me and that this business of homosexuality not being right was not fitting together. I heard a message from Tony campolo and his wife and that changed my life radically as they sought to teach on the Romans 1 passage. It helped me to see how the traditional interpretation of that passage was not necessarily accurate.

Also in taking theology and church history classes, I have come to realize that though I believe the bible is inspiried, man's interpretation is not inspired and that we are faulty in that. Though I believe in my head that God created me with all aspects of me being acceptable to him from ethnicity, to orientation, to gender, I can't say that I completely believe in my heart that being gay is acceptable to God but I also can't say that it's not acceptable.

I Believe that God wants me to learn how to embrace the gift of sexuality, identity and orientation that he's given me, but I know it's gonna take some time to get all of the lies out that I have been fed about what is perceived by the majority as a faulty condition.

because me accepting the way I was created as God's gift is so new to me. I still struggle at times, mostly because i've been trained for years to think a particular way. I know this community is exactly what I need to continue to confirm and encourage me in the truth that God has revealed to me.

My prayer is that I continue to grow in the knowledge of Christ so that I may be better able to minister to the glbt community.


thanks for listening,
derrick

[Zerbie]

((((((((((((Derrick)))))))))))))))

Take your time. It's okay. Find from deep within yourself what feels like it meshes with your understanding of a loving God. That love is infinite and it is UNconditional. For all of us, all the time, however we end up "identifying" ourselves. That means you too. Absolutely it does.

I admire you having the courage to face these questions - it is big BIG stuff! But I don't have to tell you that. My goodness, 6 years in ex-gay ministries!?

Frankly, I am horrified to discover that electric shock therapy is still being used for this??!!?!?! But - that's painful and so incredibly violating!!! It hurts inside to think what you must have been thinking/feeling when you went through that.

To be shamed and hurt for your innermost feelings is horrendously painful. It can be humiliating! And when we are humiliated, it's human nature to feel like YOU are the one in the wrong, when someone hurts you. Not just about gay identity, but about anything. I had a doctor once cross the line into sexual harrassment/abuse, and I didn't say anything about it because I thought *I* must have done something wrong. I thought that because I *felt* so ashamed - and I assumed the feeling of shame had to have come from wrongdoing on my part. It doesn't - it's the feeling that comes from being violated.

There is also a human tendency to perceive the actions of other people as indicative of how God will treat us. The world outside is so big, and can be so overwhelming, that if the entire society we grow up in says (or implies without saying) that we are unacceptable, it can feel like God finds us unacceptable. So what we have to sort out is, what is the opinion of fallible human beings versus what is God's view.

It seems like you have had (and still have) a lot of big things to deal with on several issues, many of them relating to your sexuality, but some independent of that issue. No wonder it feels overwhelming now. You are young and very very intelligent, which means you have the time and the means to deal with all those things splendidly and move forward into a life as beautiful, as emotionally/spirituall fulfilling, as joy-filled as you desire. I am confident that you will get there. Right now, you are doing great! You are taking it day-by-day, finishing the semester, and then you are re-evaluating if this is the right place for you to be. If you find that it is not, then you can take steps to transfer to a school that is better suited to you. Or you can take time off, work, make money, sleep a lot - whatever your inner guidance says is right for you.

I wish you all the best - you are obviously very strong, and that inner strength will carry you through these tough moments. Meanwhile, you have a "home" here.

[Jamie McDaniel]

Hi Derrick,

Reading your story was moving. Since you are at Liberty University, I hope you can take time to meet with the Soulforce Equality Riders next Friday.

www.equalityride.com/liberty

www.equalityride.com/riders

[schoolboi]

Our stories are actually quite similar. Sounds like quite I journey. Many blessings as you continue on it. I would love to chat some time. Just hit me up.

[vaguy78]

I appreciate all the encouragement. I just got out of the ER because I sprained my ankle at work but I am excited about What God is going to do in my heart and mind.

I'm gonna take a look at those links and see what I can do.

Corey- I'll hit you up sometime. It would be cool to just beable to work though some of those questions.


derrick