Total Confusion

[u-dog]

Good stuff Tink! I'll keep you in my prayers but this sound like a good place you are in now. Remember that God is Good... All the time.

[tymejumper]

Beyond that, I'm beginning to find real confusion in my life right now. After I came out I started to doubt myself. I found myself wondering if I really am lesbian, or if I did make some decision and I'm just pretending. I find myself questioning my faith and my beliefs. I feel like I may have been wrong, but that it's too late to turn back now and fix any mistakes I may have made. I don't know what to do. I'm constantly worried that my parents will find out and kick me out. I'm worried that my mother's comments about my friend are going to push both of my friends away. I don't know what to do any more.

Tink,
It is perfectly normal to question and onder if you are truly gay once you realize you are. I questioned for many years, married and had 3. I kept hoping that it was a stage, my attraction to women, I kept hoping that it was not true, and kept trying to ignore it and be happy. When I finally could not ignore it any more, I did come out and get divorced. I wondered if I was imagining things and if I could go back into the closet. I am very blessed to find my soul mate and she LOVES my children, they love her and I have never been happier!

It was hard for me to come out to my parents, I am 38 and have a family of my own. I can support us. I am unsure of your age, but I think you must still be young, maybe my teens age(16). My advice is if you are unable to support yourself do not come out to your parents yet, if you are worried about being kicked out. Wait, as hard as it will be, attend college(where you can be free on campus)and bide your time. Unless you have a backup plan to keep you safe, warm and fed, be very wary. It is unfair and difficult to be closeted, but you don't have much choice at this time given your circumstances. If your parents find out, you will have to come up with a cover of some sort. The good news is because your parents will not suspect you are gay, you can have a girlfriend and they will think she is simply your best friend. God bless.

[tymejumper]

Originally Posted by Tinkerbell047

Thank you. My time here has helped me so much. Your comments and tips have really started to make a difference in my life. The stress I've been dealing with is starting to slowly fade away, and I'm finding that my mother has been much more open with me. I'm finally starting to be able to be in the same room as my father without becoming angry and yelling. We seem to be actually forming a relationship that matters. My mom has not in the past two weeks made a comment about the relationship I have with my best friend. This has been a problem for the past 8 months, and it seems to be dwindling. Thank God.

My relationship with God is also beginning to strengthen again. I'm starting to realize just how much He really does love me, and that He wants me to be the person He created me to be, not the person society expects me to be.

I am still not sure about a lot of things in my life. But, what you have all helped me to realize is that right now, it really doesn't matter. I don't have any reason to be stressed or concerned about what my life is or who I am at this point. I've started to make the turn back onto the road of just "being." I think that for now, it's going to be best for me to just exist, without worry about whether or not I'm GLBT. These things take time, right? I'm still young, and have plenty of time left to realize who I am.

If not for you all I don't think I would have realized this about myself. Thank you all. You are an amazing group of people.

God bless,
-Tink

Tink-

Read all the posts now, not just the first few. I am so glad that things are going better with your parents. I wonder if your mom suspects that you are gay? My partner never came out to her mother, but finally she just asked "are you gay?" and that was that. She suspected a long time I guess. It is hard and confusing to come out of the closet, but it does get better! Hang in there. Bekah