The Modern Day J

[tpdncr4christ]

The Modern Day J. walked into his High School Cafeteria, having gone through his first day of senior year in a new school. The indoor cafeteria bustled with motion in stark contrast to the cold snow blanketed Colorado world just outside the walls. The Modern Day J. smiled and sauntered forward, gleaming with the confidence of the most popular student of the school. At first glance, anyone would think this kid was top notch prep, spoiled too cool for school Joe who had the system strapped under his belt like yesterday's lunch. Of course, the Modern Day J. was nothing like that. Even if the crown of popularity was offered to him, he would shrug it off and move on with life. Yes, the Modern Day J was that cool.

While the students of the school noticed the novice, they did not notice his eyes, darting back and forth. Most assumed he would go and lay his tray at the table with the cool kids; the ones who practically decided who was who in their small little high school social bubble. The thing is, J was too cool for that. In fact, he was searching for the kid at the table, by himself, the kid no one wanted to sit with. And when he found this kid, the Modern Day J plopped his tray on the table and sat right down next to him. After a few seconds the rest of the school lost interest and somehow missed the following exchange.

The boy who had been alone looked startled, eyes wide with wonderment. Here was perhaps one of the coolest people he had seen, sitting down next to him, scoffing down his Sloppy Joes and soggy French Fries. The boy who had been alone stared at J for a moment, and, figuring the new kid to be a little off in the head, he scooted down the bench and resumed eating.

J stopped eating, swallowed that particularly soggy fry, and looked at the other boy. "Well, damn it." He said. He placed his burger on his plate and looked forward with a puzzled look, and then, speaking to nobody in particular, "Did I forget to put on deodorant again?" His exclamation was a bit too loud, had you asked the kid who had been alone. J lifted his left arm, took a good long, and loud, sniff and then another whiff of his armpit.

The boy who had been alone laughed a bit over his own Joe, recovering quickly, and returning his interest to the remarkable folds of the napkin in his lap.

"Ok… it's not that." J said, again, speaking to the air; with a crook of his head he continued, "Well what could it be?" He thought like this for a moment, his head angled up to the ceiling in a definite My Space shot, before he shrugged his shoulders and turned to his neighbor, "I give up."

The boy who had been alone looked up from his lap, unsure of how to respond. He saw the new kid, lips pursed and eye brows furrowed in concentration, and couldn't help but smile. His eyes connected with the deep blue of the boy across the bench, and he felt, better.

"I give. What's the answer?"

The kid responded, "To what?"

J answered in such a way that, if he hadn't gone through puberty he would have sounded very much like a five year old spoiled girl, "To why you moved. Duh."

The kid again looked down to his lap. "I dunno," he shrugged.

"Well… I don't smell, and if you don't know, it can't possibly be explained by an itchy butt, you would have known if you had an itchy butt, so you would have moved to itch it… Gosh I am stumped."

The kid who was alone smiled, "Well…" He sighed, looked defeated and returned to his examinations of his napkin.

"So when's your test?" J asked.

"What test?" The kid looked entirely too confused.

Well, you've been studying that napkin like notes before a test that you didn't study for. When's your test?"

The kid chuckled, "There is no test…"

"Gosh you are confusing."

J returned to eating his burger, lapping up stray bits of the Joe with his tongue, drinking down more soggy fries. He sat for a moment, contently thinking, until he looked back at the boy.

"So, if my pits don't smell, and your butt doesn't, or rather, didn't, itch, and if you're not taking a test soon… then do I at least get to know why you were sitting alone?"

"I just…" the boy sat there, and took a deep breath, "I don't really have people to sit with."

J noticed a particularly odd inflection when the kid said "people." He shrugged and said, "In other words you have no friends."

The kid just stared at his napkin.

"Well duh. If you find napkins more interesting than me, no wonder you have no friends! You can't just guilt people into being your friends dude, that never works." J smiled, "Listen. If you're gonna guilt me into being your friend, can I at least know your name?"

The kid sat there, thinking. He looked at J, and smiled, before saying, "John."

"Well John," Said the Modern Day J, "Pleasure to meet you sir!"

[tpdncr4christ]

It's the beginning of some longer story, I just haven't written it yet... what do y'all think?

[gman620]

Sounds good so far. It reminds me of a fanfiction slash story I wrote based on the book/movie "Maurice."

[u-dog]

I have a couple issues with the "J" character but I don't want to contaminate your creative well with them. You got my interest. I wanna read more. I appreciate the way that your poetic instincts leak into your prose.

[scott snedeker]

J. definitely is a reflection of your courage and the other boy appears to be a representation of your inner being. I see this inner dialogue being portayed as two facets of the same person. This has the potental to be a powerful exercise in self discovery and reconnecting to unconditional love of self that was separated by homophobia. This would be great to share with other young gay people experiencing the same thing!

[Jennifer5]

Like it..... I like the idea of continuing it

[tpdncr4christ]

What brakes my heart most here is that there is no intention of either boy being gay. It is amazing, and yet stunning to realize that so much of my life leaked into my analogy. At the moment, I am quite the emotional junkyard, so I apologize for that, having just literally run away from hanging out with some of my fellows. I never meant anything gay to come across through the writing. In fact I wanted both heterosexuality and homosexuality left out of the piece completely, but I see now I cannot write such a piece.

The Modern Day J is what I think of, when I think of Jesus. There is no physical description because I have no idea what he looks like, just a clever, kind, caring person who seeks out the difference. He is, the modern day Jesus. No gay involved. If I cannot write it as a piece absent of sexuality then perhaps I should not write it at all...

[Jennifer5]

Come on... please... don't even go there Austin!

When I first read this I really did not even for a second it had ANYTHING to do with sexuality. I can exactly what you are saying and I do not see what the others are coming from on this.

Please, don't think for a second that you can't write... I love your writing!!!

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by tpdncr4christ

What brakes my heart most here is that there is no intention of either boy being gay. It is amazing, and yet stunning to realize that so much of my life leaked into my analogy. At the moment, I am quite the emotional junkyard, so I apologize for that, having just literally run away from hanging out with some of my fellows. I never meant anything gay to come across through the writing. In fact I wanted both heterosexuality and homosexuality left out of the piece completely, but I see now I cannot write such a piece.

The Modern Day J is what I think of, when I think of Jesus. There is no physical description because I have no idea what he looks like, just a clever, kind, caring person who seeks out the difference. He is, the modern day Jesus. No gay involved. If I cannot write it as a piece absent of sexuality then perhaps I should not write it at all...

NO! No no no no no no!!!!

Austin, remember that readers are going to bring their perceptions into things that they read - this is a gay-oriented forum, so that's always close to the front of peoples' thoughts here.

Show that same piece to people who have not been talking/thinking deeply about "gay issues" recently, and I bet they won't read "gay" into it at all.

That piece is going to register to whatever part of a reader can most relate to the isolated guy alone at lunch, I'm betting. That's going to be a different facet of experience for every reader.

What's great about your creative writing is that readers can find themselves in it, whatever you had in mind as you were writing. That's gonna go plenty of distance beyond just gay/straight dichotomies.

[u-dog]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

[/B]
NO! No no no no no no!!!!

Austin, remember that readers are going to bring their perceptions into things that they read - this is a gay-oriented forum, so that's always close to the front of peoples' thoughts here.

Show that same piece to people who have not been talking/thinking deeply about "gay issues" recently, and I bet they won't read "gay" into it at all.

That piece is going to register to whatever part of a reader can most relate to the isolated guy alone at lunch, I'm betting. That's going to be a different facet of experience for every reader.

What's great about your creative writing is that readers can find themselves in it, whatever you had in mind as you were writing. That's gonna go plenty of distance beyond just gay/straight dichotomies.

I quite agree with Zerbie. Even I, who thinks about almost nothing else, didn't think that either person might be or necessarily was a gay character. People not thinking about gay identity will not necessarily see it in (at least this much of) your story.

On the other hand, Austin, you ARE a gay author and you WILL be playing out issues of your gay identity in your fiction whether the characters are explicitly gay or not. The Author is ALWAYS present in the writing (if the writing is any good) and the Readers are ALWAYS going to be reading into the writing the issues that are central to them. This is as it should be!

Now, quick, write some more... I wanna know what happens next.

[scott snedeker]

Originally Posted by tpdncr4christ

What brakes my heart most here is that there is no intention of either boy being gay. It is amazing, and yet stunning to realize that so much of my life leaked into my analogy. At the moment, I am quite the emotional junkyard, so I apologize for that, having just literally run away from hanging out with some of my fellows. I never meant anything gay to come across through the writing. In fact I wanted both heterosexuality and homosexuality left out of the piece completely, but I see now I cannot write such a piece.

The Modern Day J is what I think of, when I think of Jesus. There is no physical description because I have no idea what he looks like, just a clever, kind, caring person who seeks out the difference. He is, the modern day Jesus. No gay involved. If I cannot write it as a piece absent of sexuality then perhaps I should not write it at all...

Austin,

The last thing that I wanted to do was to make you feel bad about your writing. I can't help but suspect that my comments are the ones that did this. Your writing is art as evidenced by this example because it intensely provokes thought in the reader. My thought provocation comes from within my perspective, which is one of a healer and advocate.

If I may be so bold, I suspect that you were looking for a respite from your struggle with being gay in your writing. Then to have it come back to you was overwhelming at a time when you just needed a break from it. You needed some soft time like you had in the past when you have received comfort and sanctuary from your faith in Christ. Hence wanting to separate this story from any sexuality.

But now I sense that with coming into sexual awareness you are having difficulty feeling comfortable bearing your heart to him. If you are capable of accepting and loving your friends who are gay, regardless if they are gay or even because they are gay, then Christ is also capable of this, and far beyond anyone elses ability.

Admittedly for me to speak of Christ in this way may sound hollow and insincere. But I see the Christ of today as a symbolic representation of what is the best part in all of us as human beings. You see him as a spiritual entity. Either way, love is all around you Austin, because of everything that you are.